U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:22 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
Reputation: 46005

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
I knew a co-worker like this a long time ago. He refused to buy a car until he had saved up enough money to buy it with cash. In the meantime, he would mooch rides from everyone.

Then when he did buy the car, he went on bragging about how he wouldn't have to make payments and all the money he would save on interest (kind of implying that the rest of us are suckers).

I'm glad I never gave him a ride, coincidentally I always had a previous engagement, if you know what I mean.
You know, I have a BIL like that. He's 42, owns a successful engineering firm with international contracts, and LIVES RENT-FREE WITH HIS DAUGHTER AT HIS PARENTS. He doesn't help out with the utilities or the food or anything else, even though his company cleared hundreds of thousands of dollars last year. He essentially comes home from work, goes over his daughter's homework, eats dinner and watches television until bedtime. What's more, all of us have put him up at our houses for weeks at a time, fed him, and done him beaucoup favors while he was struggling as a single father, never expecting anything in return.

At Christmas dinner, we were sitting around the dinner table, and the subject of winning the lottery came up. Several of us mentioned that we would probably share the wealth in some form or fashion--As in give every family a million bucks or pay off everybody's mortgage. To which John said, "Are you kidding? If I won the lottery, I would move without a forwarding address. You wouldn't get a dime out of me." You could have heard a pin drop in the dining room.

In short, there are just people out there who are in it for themselves, the human equivalent of a New Guinea tapeworm. It's best to purge yourself of them as soon as possible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:23 PM
 
730 posts, read 2,603,157 times
Reputation: 336
Quote:
Originally Posted by SYS View Post
Another thing is that I often stop in other places (any busy parents can understand that) before and after the school -- all these have to be thrown out when they get inside the car. I go to YMCA to exercise, for example, right after dropping off my boy, but she'd like me to take her back to her house. "
In the very least I would tell her, "I will take your daughter and drop her off but I have things to do afterwards so you won't be able to come because I can't bring you back home first."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 6,005,883 times
Reputation: 8561
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
You know, I have a BIL like that. He's 42, owns a successful engineering firm with international contracts, and LIVES RENT-FREE WITH HIS DAUGHTER AT HIS PARENTS. He doesn't help out with the utilities or the food or anything else, even though his company cleared hundreds of thousands of dollars last year. He essentially comes home from work, goes over his daughter's homework, eats dinner and watches television until bedtime. What's more, all of us have put him up at our houses for weeks at a time, fed him, and done him beaucoup favors while he was struggling as a single father, never expecting anything in return.

At Christmas dinner, we were sitting around the dinner table, and the subject of winning the lottery came up. Several of us mentioned that we would probably share the wealth in some form or fashion--As in give every family a million bucks or pay off everybody's mortgage. To which John said, "Are you kidding? If I won the lottery, I would move without a forwarding address. You wouldn't get a dime out of me." You could have heard a pin drop in the dining room.

In short, there are just people out there who are in it for themselves, the human equivalent of a New Guinea tapeworm. It's best to purge yourself of them as soon as possible.
At least he was upfront about it so that you can choose to react appropriately.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:27 PM
SYS SYS started this thread
 
336 posts, read 1,027,771 times
Reputation: 233
Okay, let me make a bit of a confession. There seems to be a general consensus that I should just confront her, and THAT is exactly what I'm afraid to do. I'm an Asian with a very different cultural conditioning where directness in communication is not something in our blood. Doing so might come very easily for a lot of you, but it's just not in me. That's why I've been what you'd call "passive aggressive" all this time, hoping that she'd finally get it. The thing is, by now, most would get it. I think she does, too, but then she finds this little crack and gets inside...

But I do agree that I'll have to be more direct. I'll just have to find something from within me to do so...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:30 PM
 
Location: San Fernando Valley, CA
1,719 posts, read 6,134,256 times
Reputation: 787
That says a lot.......well, how about writing a letter? Is that easier? Or instead of confronting her, just tell her you can't that day......and the next.......and the next.

Good luck
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:32 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
Reputation: 46005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hungry For Cheese View Post
That says a lot.......well, how about writing a letter? Is that easier? Or instead of confronting her, just tell her you can't that day......and the next.......and the next.

Good luck
I vote for the second approach. Just make it her problem. You really don't owe her an explanation of any sort.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:35 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
Reputation: 46005
Quote:
Originally Posted by SYS View Post
Okay, let me make a bit of a confession. There seems to be a general consensus that I should just confront her, and THAT is exactly what I'm afraid to do. I'm an Asian with a very different cultural conditioning where directness in communication is not something in our blood. Doing so might come very easily for a lot of you, but it's just not in me. That's why I've been what you'd call "passive aggressive" all this time, hoping that she'd finally get it. The thing is, by now, most would get it. I think she does, too, but then she finds this little crack and gets inside...

But I do agree that I'll have to be more direct. I'll just have to find something from within me to do so...
Oh, that's helpful. Dealing with Southerners all the time, I can tell you they behave in a similar way. It's all about letting the other person save face. In that case, you need to not accuse her of taking advantage of you. Instead, say that you would like her to do her part. Same thing, with a softer way of saying it. And if she refuses, then you're off the hook.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:37 PM
SYS SYS started this thread
 
336 posts, read 1,027,771 times
Reputation: 233
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hungry For Cheese View Post
That says a lot.......well, how about writing a letter? Is that easier? Or instead of confronting her, just tell her you can't that day......and the next.......and the next.

Good luck
I did use the "letter" method in the past for another unrelated situation some years ago.... It worked, but the person never spoke to me again.

Giving her excuses why I can't give her a ride to school seems to be the most effective so far, so I've been using that -- quite a bit -- until she stops asking. Then, out of nowhere she asks again like a week or two later, so now I "anticipate" so that I don't get caught off guard.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,392 posts, read 17,331,646 times
Reputation: 14028
Know anybody with a 2-seater sports car? Trade them your car for a few weeks. So sorry. No room. Guess you'll have to get your own car.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:44 PM
 
3,395 posts, read 3,344,356 times
Reputation: 9264
Quote:
Originally Posted by SYS View Post
Okay, let me make a bit of a confession. There seems to be a general consensus that I should just confront her, and THAT is exactly what I'm afraid to do. I'm an Asian with a very different cultural conditioning where directness in communication is not something in our blood. Doing so might come very easily for a lot of you, but it's just not in me. That's why I've been what you'd call "passive aggressive" all this time, hoping that she'd finally get it. The thing is, by now, most would get it. I think she does, too, but then she finds this little crack and gets inside...

But I do agree that I'll have to be more direct. I'll just have to find something from within me to do so...
Thank you for your honesty. I have heard the same thing about the Asian culture. I can certainly understand this would be a difficult thing to get past.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:27 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top