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Old 01-28-2009, 06:50 PM
 
10 posts, read 20,209 times
Reputation: 15

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My son and dil live 20 minutes near me. My dil's mom moved here from 6000 miles away because we now have a brand new grand daughter. She is now 18 months.
So the mom moved here when the baby was 3 months old. She came to work here and lived with my son and dil. She never paid rent. Just bought some groceriers here and there. The kids stuggled for a long time with bills, and I could never imagine that with mom living there, she wouldn't pitch in for rent.
Then the dad came to live here. At home, he was making $18.00/hr. I told him if he came here, he could make $30.00/hr. He got a job here, made the 30/hr and was also living with the kids.
So now, the kids are in real trouble with their finances. When that happens, the son comes to me for help. I did help as much as I could afford.
It's the end of the month, my son asked me,"you would think since they know we are having a hard time, they would help with rent." It's only $600.00/month.
So my dil wanted to go to work. The drive to town is 20 minutes and the hwy is bad to drive on. She had unemployment and was making $1400.00 to stay home. She felt she should go to work. Was under pressure to go to work. I asked her dad if they could pitch in some for rent so she wouldn't feel so pressured to go to work, and he lost it on me. I have bills to pay and this is their house and how could I even ask that.
So here is my question. If parents live with you for any amount of time, should they pay rent???????
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Old 01-28-2009, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,202,661 times
Reputation: 4321
And the reason your son can't step up and ask the inlaws to help chip in with some money... but talks to you about is........?

Sounds to me like your son needs to grow a pair and be the man in his own home, setting some rules/ boundries/ etc. And if they don't like it... they can l.e.a.v.e. Find another place to live.... for free.

Addressing the issue with those involved is so much better than complaining about it to those who shouldn't be involved.



Oh.... to edit this... we don't have people in our lives that would consider living with us for free/ not pulling their own weight.
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:01 PM
 
5,273 posts, read 12,379,646 times
Reputation: 5770
Just depends on how one looks at it.

On the one hand, if some of the financial mess they are in was really out of their control and if they're young and learning how to manage their money, a helping hand isn't unreasonable.

On the other hand, $30/hr is over $60,000 per year. If they lived lavishly despite solid counseling not to then, you may want to excercise some tough love first; like making them sell off some of their booty and pay down the loans... and thereby lessening the time they're on your welfare system.

Either way, do what you do with compassion.
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,202,661 times
Reputation: 4321
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLAZER PROPHET View Post
On the other hand, $30/hr is over $60,000 per year. If they lived lavishly despite solid counseling not to then, you may want to excercise some tough love first; like making them sell off some of their booty and pay down the loans... and thereby lessening the time they're on your welfare system.


Eh?

I read the post to read that the FIL is the one making $30 an hour... and living for free with his daughter and the posters son.

Did I read that wrong?
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:12 PM
 
Location: mass
2,905 posts, read 6,565,068 times
Reputation: 4979
Quote:
Originally Posted by Munka View Post
My son and dil live 20 minutes near me. My dil's mom moved here from 6000 miles away because we now have a brand new grand daughter. She is now 18 months.
So the mom moved here when the baby was 3 months old. She came to work here and lived with my son and dil. She never paid rent. Just bought some groceriers here and there. The kids stuggled for a long time with bills, and I could never imagine that with mom living there, she wouldn't pitch in for rent.
Then the dad came to live here. At home, he was making $18.00/hr. I told him if he came here, he could make $30.00/hr. He got a job here, made the 30/hr and was also living with the kids.
So now, the kids are in real trouble with their finances. When that happens, the son comes to me for help. I did help as much as I could afford.
It's the end of the month, my son asked me,"you would think since they know we are having a hard time, they would help with rent." It's only $600.00/month.
So my dil wanted to go to work. The drive to town is 20 minutes and the hwy is bad to drive on. She had unemployment and was making $1400.00 to stay home. She felt she should go to work. Was under pressure to go to work. I asked her dad if they could pitch in some for rent so she wouldn't feel so pressured to go to work, and he lost it on me. I have bills to pay and this is their house and how could I even ask that.
So here is my question. If parents live with you for any amount of time, should they pay rent???????
Wow, I can't believe the dad reacted that way! What is up with him?

I myself wouldn't charge my parents rent if I didn't need the money. If I was in a position where I needed the help, I'd suggest their pitching in if I knew they could afford it, which it seems like these parents can.

Why did they move in the first place? Are they going to get their own apartment? For both of them to be working, living with the kids seems weird to me, especially if they are not alleviating any of the financial pressure.

Good luck to your son and dil. They are going to need it.
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:16 PM
 
Location: The best little city in the country
267 posts, read 792,958 times
Reputation: 367
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLAZER PROPHET View Post
Just depends on how one looks at it.

On the one hand, if some of the financial mess they are in was really out of their control and if they're young and learning how to manage their money, a helping hand isn't unreasonable.

On the other hand, $30/hr is over $60,000 per year. If they lived lavishly despite solid counseling not to then, you may want to excercise some tough love first; like making them sell off some of their booty and pay down the loans... and thereby lessening the time they're on your welfare system.

Either way, do what you do with compassion.
Blazer - I think you read it wrong. Lets call them grandbaby, parents & grandparents 1 & 2.

Parents have grandbaby, and house. Parents are working, paying bills, having a rough time. Grandparents 1 move into parents house. Grandpa 1 is making $60K a year, living rent free in his kids house.

Grandparents 2 (the OP) is having money borrowed from her to help parents pay mortgage and keep roof over grandbaby, parents, and grandparents 1 heads. Grandparents 1 seem to be in no way contributing to the financial stability of the home they are living in.

OP - Tough love works both ways. The same as most posters would tell a parent with a grown child at home to get tough, and insist on rent, their son needs to step it up, and tell his parents that he needs help with the bills they are contributing to - gas, electric, water, etc, as well as rent, and groceries. If a child can afford to support their parents, great, but if they can't, they shouldn't allow themselves to start financially drowning early, just because grandpa could get a better job there. Sounds to me like if grandpa was earning 18/hr in his old house, and 30/hr now, then he has at least 12/hr disposable income that he could possibly be contributing towards the bills he's racking up. Doesn't that sound right?
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
24,812 posts, read 23,754,084 times
Reputation: 30550
Yes, they should pay rent, utilities I don't know if they are separate or combined. Either both couples should buy food, cook, eat, separately or everyone settles the bill at the end of the week, month.

Your son needs to speak up for himself. He also needs to learn how to live with others. I think that he talks to you because you love him him and understand his problems. He shouldn't be taken advantage of by his in laws. I don't really know the whole story or situation. Are they paying for other things? Do they buy clothes for the baby, pay for car repairs?
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,392 posts, read 17,331,646 times
Reputation: 14028
Grandma has been there 15 months and grandpa some of that time, and they've not pitched in with rent? Unless they're paying for all the food and necessities, they've got an awfully nice set-up, I'd reckon.

I don't think you should have gotten involved, but your son and his wife should be right on top of this. When they come to visit for a week or two, payment should be in the form of food "gifts", but moving in for over a year? And the kids are struggling financially? Wow! I pity your son.
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,489,807 times
Reputation: 13177
They should move out. The young couple with the baby need to bond as a family on their own without anybody's parents living in the home. These people make enough money to move out. They shouldn't impose on the young family like that. They should be ashamed of themselves.
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:35 PM
 
10 posts, read 20,209 times
Reputation: 15
O.K, Little more info. dil's mom has a shopping habit. she is $40.000 in Credit card debt. She has told me that she has this problem and goes shopping when she is depressed and when she gets home, asks herself why did she spend all that and doesn't need it.
These people have ived their lives very simply. They moved to this part of the country because where we live, it is very busy with work. The mom is very controlling over her daughter. Since mom has lived there, there has been many arguments with my son and dil and the mom has always got in on it. Sometimes calling me and bringing me into it. I knew it was not right that the 2 of them can't live their life and not have a 3rd person judge. But a mom will always stand up for her daughter. It got to the point that my son came here and told his wife that if her mother didn't leave, he wasn't coming home. It took her a week to leave. She moved for 3 months, then dad came. Got a job here and they both moved back in. Thank fully they are gone hmmm a mile away now in their own place, but my son could never win. It was either 2 against one, then dad came, and it was 3 against one. Like I said, they lived cheap before, mom has all that debt. Found out by accident the dad said one day, I know she is stressed over her $15,000.00 credit card debt, I thought mr it is way more than that. Dad figures family shouldn't be charged. If my son ever brought it up, the wife woukld go to her mom, her mom would be mad at my son, then themom would go to her husband, and guess what, how could he win? He did his best, had patience, they moved. Funny now they don't want to live there, they are packed, gave notice to leave at the end of this month. Have no place to go yet, wanna make bets on if they move back with the kids? Mom said the othe day, I`m not paying $900.00 for rent here if my water is going to freeze when it gets too cold. Sounds like it is to much money and they had it to easy before. Keep in touch, let`s see where they go in the next few days. The only reason they were having a hard time was because he got layed off from his job.

Last edited by Munka; 01-28-2009 at 08:44 PM.. Reason: Forgot something
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