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There are ways for unemployed people to get mental help. Take him (or advise him to go) to an ER if he is suicidal. He may have to check into a mental hospital for a few days, but he may get the diagnosis, emotional therapy, & meds he needs at little to no cost since he is unemployed & without insurance. I say "may" because it varies depending on where you live.
I know people who have done that, and it literally saved their lives.
I don't think all people who end up in situations like these are just bad people. The lack of motivation, self-destructive tendencies & inability to maintain relationships are signs of something else, IMO.
On the other hand, you have to be extremely careful NOT to let this guy take over your life with his ongoing drama. Why?
Because your life is nothing more that the cumulative choices you have made. Sure, there are the odd extenuating circumstances such as illness or the aftereffects of getting hit by lightning. But, overall, people who are friendless and in desperate financial straits at age 45 are that way for a reason. They have made one unwise decision after another, and they will likely keep on making them.
That means, the more you're involved in his life, the more likely it is that he will take a huge emotional toll on you by asking your help in dealing with the crisis du jour. You will wind up being his support system in life, all that goes with it.
If you are emotionally prepared for it, then go ahead. But it will be thankless, and you probably won't even have the satisfaction of solving his problems, for he will continue refusing to do what is logical, sensible, and ethical in his life.
I agree. I've been in a situation like this. You try to be a friend and help the other person, but before long, you realize you've gotten yourself so involved that you can't easily extricate yourself from it and it begins to take a toll on your own life. You need to figure out how to help this person help himself. You also need to know where that line is where it could potentially affect you. Cause once you cross it, it's very hard crossing back.
I have a friend who is in a similar situation, except he seems to want other people to bail him out. I think CLW earlier post was right. Sometimes people have to bottom out, or get so sick of their situation they start turning things around.
They can suck the life out of you if you let them.
On the other hand, you have to be extremely careful NOT to let this guy take over your life with his ongoing drama. Why?
Because your life is nothing more that the cumulative choices you have made. Sure, there are the odd extenuating circumstances such as illness or the aftereffects of getting hit by lightning. But, overall, people who are friendless and in desperate financial straits at age 45 are that way for a reason. They have made one unwise decision after another, and they will likely keep on making them.
That means, the more you're involved in his life, the more likely it is that he will take a huge emotional toll on you by asking your help in dealing with the crisis du jour. You will wind up being his support system in life, all that goes with it.
If you are emotionally prepared for it, then go ahead. But it will be thankless, and you probably won't even have the satisfaction of solving his problems, for he will continue refusing to do what is logical, sensible, and ethical in his life.
I could not agree more! We had this happen just before Thanksgiving. He's 42, divorced, not paying child support and just moving from place to place.
When he was younger, 17-25, we blamed his dad...if you were there you'd understand.
Then we thought he finally had life figured out when he married and had children. Wrong, the family ended up living with his wife's parents and mooched off of them.
For example, they would complain about being broke(both worked) but their children could recite the prices at the local McDonald's and buffet. Hmmm.
The marriage didn't last mainly because he never grew up.
So we get a call. He's out of gas and has no place to go. We can't make him sleep in the street so we take him in.
After a week of literally not looking for one single job, we had to put our foot down. Go to the local labor pool. Get on our computer and find job openings.
He finally got a job and saved enough to move out...so we were told. For other reasons we finally told him he had to go after two months.
Within a day, we got a call from both his dad and a mutual friend chewing us out for kicking him to the street. He did nothing but trash talk us. Luckily his dad and our friends listened to us when we told them the truth.
You can only help so much. Sadly you can't make them grow up. Do whatever you have to not to get sucked into their world.
They will never understand that the world doesn't own them everything.
I also learned that helping someone like this can ultimately ruin the friendship. Feel free to send a private message if you want to hear the whole story. I think you'll see that being what you think is a good friend isn't always the best thing to do.
They can suck the life out of you if you let them.
Yes, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, sometimes they are just looking for enablers so they can continue on as they are.
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