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Old 02-07-2009, 11:47 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 6,891,866 times
Reputation: 2822

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First, we're not blood related. We've grown up together and I've 'adopted' her.
Anyhoo, she's getting married today. She's 19, he's 24. She has no college education, no job. He's working and thats it. She has also announced that she is 6 weeks pregnant.
Ive been having issues with the marriage thing ( Ive kept my objections to myself) because I still see her as my baby sis.
And when she told me about the pregnancy I almost fainted.

Afterward, when we were talking about it, the subject or my own children came up. As many of ya'll know, THAT isnt going to happen. When I voiced this, her response was
" Im sorry, but I seriously think there's something wrong with anyone that doesnt want kids. How can you not want kids?"

And she said she wont leave the kid alone with me, 'cause I wont know what to do with him/her and might hurt the baby.
I dont like kids much, but I'd help her with hers because she's my sister..and I certainly wouldnt hurt a kid.

Any thoughts on how to help this way of thinking?
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:55 AM
 
Location: California
64,718 posts, read 15,883,432 times
Reputation: 40006
She's still too young to understand and her feelings now are defensive.So just don't say anymore and stay by her side when she needs you.
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,391 posts, read 29,314,548 times
Reputation: 14471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102 View Post
First, we're not blood related. We've grown up together and I've 'adopted' her.
Anyhoo, she's getting married today. She's 19, he's 24. She has no college education, no job. He's working and thats it. She has also announced that she is 6 weeks pregnant.
Ive been having issues with the marriage thing ( Ive kept my objections to myself) because I still see her as my baby sis.
And when she told me about the pregnancy I almost fainted.

Afterward, when we were talking about it, the subject or my own children came up. As many of ya'll know, THAT isnt going to happen. When I voiced this, her response was
" Im sorry, but I seriously think there's something wrong with anyone that doesnt want kids. How can you not want kids?"

And she said she wont leave the kid alone with me, 'cause I wont know what to do with him/her and might hurt the baby.
I dont like kids much, but I'd help her with hers because she's my sister..and I certainly wouldnt hurt a kid.

Any thoughts on how to help this way of thinking?
Give her time to grow up. Her statements show immaturity.

And there is nothing wrong with someone who doesn't want kids. What's wrong is all the people who have them because everyone else does or they think they're supposed to. They just end up screwing up their kids.

It is a smart person who realizes what they want in life and resists the pressure to do what others think they should do.

I have a theory as to why so many people who have kids try to paint those who don't want them as selfish. I think deep down inside, they realize that the truely selfish choice is having kids. It's, completely, self serving and involves dragging another life into ours. A life that never had a choice in the matter. Our kids live the lives we choose for them. Have/don't have what we choose for them. Have/don't have the opportunities we provide/don't provide for them. They're hostages to our whims.

Your sister is just saying what she's saying because she wants to see herself as doing the "right" thing. I'll place my bet now that she'll be telling you mothers should stay at home with their babies after the baby is born. She's stuck on there's only one right way to do things when there are many. She sounds like she's jusfitying her choices. She's too immature to accept yours and justify her own. She sees others choosing differently as a challenge to her choices.

Do post and let me know if she does the good moms stay at home thing to justify not working. I'd give 9:1 odds on that one given what you've said about her here.

I would chalk her comments up to immaturity. That's quite a leap from you don't want kids to you would hurt someone elses child. Quite an absurd one. But she'll change her mind on that as soon as she finds herself in a bind for a babysitter. It really sounds like she's justifying. She'll justify when she needs you to baby sit too.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:02 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 6,891,866 times
Reputation: 2822
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Give her time to grow up. Her statements show immaturity.

And there is nothing wrong with someone who doesn't want kids. What's wrong is all the people who have them because everyone else does or they think they're supposed to. They just end up screwing up their kids.

It is a smart person who realizes what they want in life and resists the pressure to do what others think they should do.

I have a theory as to why so many people who have kids try to paint those who don't want them as selfish. I think deep down inside, they realize that the truely selfish choice is having kids. It's, completely, self serving and involves dragging another life into ours. A life that never had a choice in the matter. Our kids live the lives we choose for them. Have/don't have what we choose for them. Have/don't have the opportunities we provide/don't provide for them. They're hostages to our whims.

Your sister is just saying what she's saying because she wants to see herself as doing the "right" thing. I'll place my bet now that she'll be telling you mothers should stay at home with their babies after the baby is born. She's stuck on there's only one right way to do things when there are many. She sounds like she's jusfitying her choices. She's too immature to accept yours and justify her own. She sees others choosing differently as a challenge to her choices.

Do post and let me know if she does the good moms stay at home thing to justify not working. I'd give 9:1 odds on that one given what you've said about her here.

I would chalk her comments up to immaturity. That's quite a leap from you don't want kids to you would hurt someone elses child. Quite an absurd one. But she'll change her mind on that as soon as she finds herself in a bind for a babysitter. It really sounds like she's justifying. She'll justify when she needs you to baby sit too.
She's talked about being able to go out and party again after the baby is born..I distinctly remember her mentioning leaving the baby at her mom's house soon afterward and having an "Im not Pregnant anymore" party.

There's lots of us to babysit. She has one blood sister, a best friend, 2 cousins, her parents, and her husband's family. She doesnt really need me. Though Id imagine that if she abuses the privledge of having so many people that they'll quit helping so much..
I guess what she said just kind of hurt my feelings a bit.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:08 PM
 
3,088 posts, read 7,576,069 times
Reputation: 2024
Shes a baby herself give her two years to come crying to you regretting what she said
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:10 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 6,891,866 times
Reputation: 2822
Im not that much older than she is...only by 2 years.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:13 PM
 
23,748 posts, read 30,628,630 times
Reputation: 28221
Well you're both just youngsters really. You'll both be different people in 20 years, so don't worry about what she said so much. Just be there if she asks. That's all you need to do.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:14 PM
 
3,088 posts, read 7,576,069 times
Reputation: 2024
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Well you're both just youngsters really. You'll both be different people in 20 years, so don't worry about what she said so much. Just be there if she asks you too. That's all you need to do.


Exactly what I meant she seems immature plus she is young in a few years she will change.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,519 posts, read 35,305,991 times
Reputation: 13092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102 View Post
She's talked about being able to go out and party again after the baby is born..I distinctly remember her mentioning leaving the baby at her mom's house soon afterward and having an "Im not Pregnant anymore" party.

There's lots of us to babysit. She has one blood sister, a best friend, 2 cousins, her parents, and her husband's family. She doesnt really need me. Though Id imagine that if she abuses the privledge of having so many people that they'll quit helping so much..
I guess what she said just kind of hurt my feelings a bit.
She sounds like Casey Anthony. We all know what happened to poor little Caley because mom wanted to go out partying.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:28 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 6,891,866 times
Reputation: 2822
I dont think she'd do that. Im just worried about her. I privately expected better of her than what's happening now.
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