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Old 02-19-2009, 09:31 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,163 posts, read 4,334,947 times
Reputation: 2581

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Should I go to a family event, or do what I really want to do?

I decided when I moved to San Antonio and "escaped" the Hell that was my life in Arizona, that 2009 is going to be the year for me to shine, to lose weight and to accomplish things I never thought I would. I've been living a pretty miserable existence for the past two years and am finally finding some happiness here with my new life, new job, new activities and new goals.

I've always been somewhat overweight (about 15 to 20 pounds most of my adult life). When I moved to San Antonio, my friends here really motivated me to get out and start running. I've lost about 5 pounds so far, and participated in several 5K races and have a goal to finish the San Antonio half marathon in November. I'm feeling better about myself than I have in a long time and the running is a big part of why. On the way to that goal, I have several other milestone races on my calendar. One of these is the Army Ten Miler in Washington DC in October. In fact, the day registration opens has been on my Outlook calendar for a month and I am so motivated to keep running and finish all these races. This is a huge deal for me. I've never done anything like this and if I can get out there and run a 10 mile race it will mean so much to me.

Well, my Mom called me tonight to tell me that one of my cousins (who I don't really know) has moved up her wedding date to the day before the Army 10 Miler. This particular cousin is the daughter of my uncle who is battling lung cancer. Mom says she wants to go to the wedding (in the Midwest), but will probably only go if I go, since my Dad will most likely not want to travel the distance to get there. I had planned to visit my extended family sometime this year, and still plan to because I want to see my uncle, just not that particular weekend. Mom is making me feel guilty for telling her I won't be at the wedding because I'm running a race that weekend. I don't even know this cousin and while it would be great to see my aunts, uncles, and other cousins I do know, I can do that any time.

Should I not go to DC and go to the wedding instead? I don't want Mom blaming me for her not going and making the rest of the family mad at me as well.

By the way, I visited with my family last summer and was the token representative for my branch of the family tree at a different family event, when my parents canceled at the last minute due to my Dad's health concerns. Since I was just there last year, would it really be a huge deal for me to miss this wedding to accomplish something important to me?
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Old 02-19-2009, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
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Heck, you don't even KNOW the person who's getting married! Don't let your mother guilt you into it! She surely CAN go by herself! To me a marathon means absolutely nothing, but if that's important to you, that's what you should do!

I'd go to the wedding only if your uncle (the father of the bride/groom I take it) means a lot to you.
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Old 02-19-2009, 09:56 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 7,166,877 times
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I gotta say, this is a tough one. I place a great importance on family and my first reaction was to say "suck it up and go to the wedding." But the fact that your Mom is guilt-tripping you on this is just not good and that pushes me to say that you should NOT give in to her.

You don't say why your life was hell in Arizona...was it due to your Mom and/or family? Or was the source of your desert southwest agony unrelated to your kin? I ask because if family was the source of your headache, then keeping that distance -- especially at first as you make a new start in San Antonio -- would be wise.

P.S. Drink a margarita for me, would ya'? I've had some great times in the Alamo City...
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:06 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,163 posts, read 4,334,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
You don't say why your life was hell in Arizona...was it due to your Mom and/or family? Or was the source of your desert southwest agony unrelated to your kin? I ask because if family was the source of your headache, then keeping that distance -- especially at first as you make a new start in San Antonio -- would be wise.

P.S. Drink a margarita for me, would ya'? I've had some great times in the Alamo City...
No, Mom and Dad are in another western state. I moved to Arizona from Virginia to be with my now ex-fiance. The breakup with him, plus working at the job from Hell for two years was seriously doing a number on my mental health. The move to San Antonio has been the best thing in the world for me. I'll have that Margarita real soon
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:48 PM
 
132 posts, read 462,211 times
Reputation: 128
Don't go to the wedding. Run your marathon. You've had it on your Outlook calendar for quite some time; the cousin moved up the wedding. Does she expect people from all over the country to change their plans just because she did? She certainly can't expect that from people she doesn't even know.

Is your mom an invalid? Is she incapable of getting to this wedding without you? It's the child of her sibling who's getting married, so it's not as though she won't know anyone there.

You've worked hard and are making positive changes in your life. Stick with them!

P.S. Just visited San Antonio yesterday for the first time and, damn, was I impressed. Love the riverwalk. The whole downtown area is amazing and impressive; clean, well-planned, beautiful. I'm planning another trip next month.
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Downtown Orlando, FL
573 posts, read 1,687,315 times
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Do the run, go for it. You do not control your mom's actions. If she wants to go, she can go. It sounds like you are gearing up to a good start with where you are at now, and if that means taking care of your needs once in awhile, so be it. If you start to feel that guilty make a pledge to yourself to see your uncles/aunts/cousins in the coming months when you can plan it out.

Let us know how the run went!!!
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:24 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 40,975,404 times
Reputation: 13467
Why can't your dad go to the wedding with your mom? Why are you on the receiving end of the guilt trip and not your dad?

I'd run my marathon if I were you. You're an adult, your parents are adults and I'm assuming your cousin is an adult. I'm sure your cousin will understand you had a prior engagement - if she even cares. She's going to be so wrapped up in her own thing that she probably won't even give you a second thought.

BTW, I used to live in SA and worked out at Lifetime Fitness at 281/1604. That gym is the bomb!!! After I moved they built the new one at The Rim, which is closer to where I used to live (the Dominion). SA isn't my cup of tea, but I really enjoyed Lifetime Fitness and training at the Blue Bubble Ballroom on Broadway off the 410.

Now ... go run your marathon and have fun! You're gonna do really well!!!
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Old 02-20-2009, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,176 posts, read 18,504,880 times
Reputation: 49864
I'm voting for the run too.
If this was a family member that you were close to, then my opinion would be different.

You need to put yourself 1st.
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Old 02-20-2009, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Marion, IN
8,189 posts, read 31,192,435 times
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Add me to the list who thinks you should run your race. I agree that if this was someone you were close to it might be different. Since you don't even really know this person this one is a no brainer for me.
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Old 02-20-2009, 11:55 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,920,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
Why can't your dad go to the wedding with your mom? Why are you on the receiving end of the guilt trip and not your dad?
That's what I was thinking to. LOL. Don't ya love how families operate? It's ok for dad to not want to go to his niece's wedding because he doesn't like the distance but you get the guilt trip because you made plans for a weekend you thought you had free??? And do you think your dad is racked with guilt about telling your mom he's not going??? Doubt it. LOL. I vote for the run...and I'm a put your family first kind of person, too. You don't know the cousin, and the uncle you want to visit...it's not going to be any kind of quality visit because everybody is going to be caught up with the wedding.
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