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Old 02-19-2009, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,199,606 times
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As I get older, I'm noticing my relationship with my parents getting more and more... ... if you will and I'm wondering if I'm in the minority.

Most of the time, when my folks do something lately it leaves me thinking "WTF?!??!" And reflecting back and wondering if they've always been this way or if it's something new for them to be acting this way towards me.

Just wondering what the relationship between you and your parents is like. If they're deceased, than what was your relationship like? Did you notice, as you got older that it took a turn in the complete opposite direction than what it was?
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:08 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,043 posts, read 14,271,823 times
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I have a great relationship with my mom now. It wasn't always that way. She seems to have softened since my dad passed away.

My dad and I were always close. He wasn't a man of many words, but he was a man of his word.
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:08 PM
 
733 posts, read 1,719,459 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canibeyou View Post
As I get older, I'm noticing my relationship with my parents getting more and more... ... if you will and I'm wondering if I'm in the minority.

Most of the time, when my folks do something lately it leaves me thinking "WTF?!??!" And reflecting back and wondering if they've always been this way or if it's something new for them to be acting this way towards me.

Just wondering what the relationship between you and your parents is like. If they're deceased, than what was your relationship like? Did you notice, as you got older that it took a turn in the complete opposite direction than what it was?
well I think when you are a kid, things are quite different. As I have gotten older things have been quite good. But as they have gotten old, they do tend to forget, are a bit slower than they use to be, and well are old...lol

Thankfully I have learned patience in the meantime....
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:09 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,678,599 times
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My father and I are very close. He is a great father, grandfather, father in law and friend. He has been able to treat me like an adult instead of his little girl which seems rare when I see some of my friends relationships with their fathers. We can talk politics (even though we disagree most of the time) but we respect each others stance. The only time we clash is when he has the tv on too loud since he is almost completely deaf! Drives me nutty!

My mother and I have not seen each other in over 5 years. Recently we have been talking and trying to work through some things that have been difficult. This may never happen as she has Borderline Personality Disorder, but if I can keep a healthy distance we may be able to salvage something.
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Fiji
647 posts, read 1,846,344 times
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It's all good right now. It's a long distance relationship, though, so we do a lot of skyppe and long distance calling. My wife also gets along GREAT with my parents, so that is an added blessing.
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,199,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoLoveLost View Post
well I think when you are a kid, things are quite different. As I have gotten older things have been quite good. But as they have gotten old, they do tend to forget, are a bit slower than they use to be, and well are old...lol

Thankfully I have learned patience in the meantime....
Well, let me give you an example of what I mean...

Last year, for my birthday, my parents got me nothing... no card, not even a phone call (and they were living right next door at the time (no longer are).. they didn't even honk and wave when they left the house and drove by). FF a couple months and it's one of my siblings birthday's and what did they get him? They paid a $3000 dental bill off for him.


Same thing happened at Christmas. After Christmas dinner and presents were being handed out, my Mom makes a big deal and is laughing the whole time how I'm the only one she didn't buy a gift for. Like, laughing hysterically about it. One of my siblings got a roundtrip vacation to Paris, France paid for. My husband actually took the gift card they gave him and bought me a gift I'd wanted.

And it's not just gifts. I'm not all about getting the gifts. It's time and time again that I notice DRASTIC differences in how my siblings are treated versus how I am. And as I get older... it just gets worse and more blatant; in my face kind of things.


mrstewart, I've been wondering lately if things would be different if I didn't live so close (I live the closest to them out of all the siblings). I'm wondering if distance would make a difference.

Now. mind you, when I was younger... things were as even across the board with all the kids. Or I'm wondering... was it???

Last edited by canibeyou; 02-19-2009 at 04:23 PM.. Reason: Typos :)
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:28 PM
 
Location: New England
1,132 posts, read 2,057,600 times
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My mom is 76. I get real irritated with her sometimes. She plays favorites, and I think it is over political views. She constantly takes the devils advocate approach to everything I say. Doesn't make me want to be around.

My father never played favorites, nor does he now. Except, he has now been with another woman for the last 18 years or so. NONE of us like her, nor should we. So we don't see him all that much, except for holidays and birthdays.
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:16 PM
 
733 posts, read 1,719,459 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canibeyou View Post
Well, let me give you an example of what I mean...

Last year, for my birthday, my parents got me nothing... no card, not even a phone call (and they were living right next door at the time (no longer are).. they didn't even honk and wave when they left the house and drove by). FF a couple months and it's one of my siblings birthday's and what did they get him? They paid a $3000 dental bill off for him.


Same thing happened at Christmas. After Christmas dinner and presents were being handed out, my Mom makes a big deal and is laughing the whole time how I'm the only one she didn't buy a gift for. Like, laughing hysterically about it. One of my siblings got a roundtrip vacation to Paris, France paid for. My husband actually took the gift card they gave him and bought me a gift I'd wanted.

And it's not just gifts. I'm not all about getting the gifts. It's time and time again that I notice DRASTIC differences in how my siblings are treated versus how I am. And as I get older... it just gets worse and more blatant; in my face kind of things.


mrstewart, I've been wondering lately if things would be different if I didn't live so close (I live the closest to them out of all the siblings). I'm wondering if distance would make a difference.

Now. mind you, when I was younger... things were as even across the board with all the kids. Or I'm wondering... was it???
Sounds like something happened.....

I have a sister who lives pretty to my parents. I think they drive each other mad. I live all the way across the country, and we get along great. I would like to see my parents more (and as they get older, it might come to them moving to be closer to me so I can take care of them) but I can see how being around them alot can be difficult.

My younger sister doesn't handle it well. She has always been a bit more selfish, so it isn't a big surprise to me. Of all the kids, I am the only one willing to care for them which is sad being there are 4 of us who are capable.

I know my parents are demanding, but they are old and need the assistance. It may seem like a lot to her, but they did a lot for her before, so she should be more considerate.

I'm not sure what may have created the situation you are dealing with, but if you are able to speak with them honestly about things maybe you should ask......

I'm not the oldest of the sibs, but my parents trust me the most....in my case, because I have earned that trust....so much so they made me the executor of the estate...not something I wanted to have to deal with, but now is on my shoulders, and I will do because they want me too.......
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,199,606 times
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I sometimes think, seeing as how I'm the only one married out of the siblings that my folks now think, well, she has a husband to look out for her so she doesn't need this or that.

There isn't anything that "happened" but it's just gotten more and more noticeable in these later years. It's like the more I think about it, it's always been there on some level.. but recently it's gotten more of a "in your face" type level. Real blatant. Leaves even my siblings scratchnig their heads. LOL

And out of the siblings, I'm the one closest and most willing to look after them, look after their place when they vacation, etc.


Hmmm....
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,854,500 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canibeyou View Post
Well, let me give you an example of what I mean...

Last year, for my birthday, my parents got me nothing... no card, not even a phone call (and they were living right next door at the time (no longer are).. they didn't even honk and wave when they left the house and drove by). FF a couple months and it's one of my siblings birthday's and what did they get him? They paid a $3000 dental bill off for him.


Same thing happened at Christmas. After Christmas dinner and presents were being handed out, my Mom makes a big deal and is laughing the whole time how I'm the only one she didn't buy a gift for. Like, laughing hysterically about it. One of my siblings got a roundtrip vacation to Paris, France paid for. My husband actually took the gift card they gave him and bought me a gift I'd wanted.
I find this behavior extremely cruel, disrespectful, and (I take it) uncalled for. I'd confront them about it.
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