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Old 02-25-2009, 08:21 AM
 
40 posts, read 106,414 times
Reputation: 34

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As I mentioned on another board I have just found this board because I have so much time on my hands due to having been fired from my last job. My boss said I was not a good fit even though I never received any warning and I had been at that employer for eight years.

Now all my old friends from my job no longer talk to me and when they see me in public they act all strange and cold. These were people who came to my home, had lunch with me a few days a week, and were in work related sports leagues.

Now that I am unemployed, they will not have anything to do with me. I thought we were friends.

I would enjoy hearing from others who have lost their jobs and their new relationship with their old workplace friends.
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Old 02-25-2009, 08:42 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,717,705 times
Reputation: 46025
Hold on. Your boss fired you because you were not a "good fit," after eight years on the job? That's a red flag to me, and could be grounds for wrongful termination.

That is, if you're telling us everything.

The fact that nobody is talking to you is highly suspicious. Why were you not considered to be a "good fit" after so many years? Nobody is even talking to you in public? What the heck is up with that? If things really went down the way you said they did, then that's very strange. If, on the other hand, you're omitting an important detail about why they might not be talking to you, then that's something else entirely.
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Old 02-25-2009, 12:36 PM
 
40 posts, read 106,414 times
Reputation: 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Hold on. Your boss fired you because you were not a "good fit," after eight years on the job? That's a red flag to me, and could be grounds for wrongful termination.

That is, if you're telling us everything.

The fact that nobody is talking to you is highly suspicious. Why were you not considered to be a "good fit" after so many years? Nobody is even talking to you in public? What the heck is up with that? If things really went down the way you said they did, then that's very strange. If, on the other hand, you're omitting an important detail about why they might not be talking to you, then that's something else entirely.
Maybe no one liked me for all those years and now they do not have to deal with me because I was gone. I had some power and influence during my time at the company and it was to the people's advantage to be on my good side.

Maybe it is not to their advantage to be my friend any more because I am damaged goods.
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Old 02-25-2009, 12:47 PM
 
5,258 posts, read 8,019,714 times
Reputation: 3281
Unfortunately, if they aren't even acknowledging you in public, then it could mean that they feel they don't have anything in common with you anymore, or any reason to continue communicating with you.

It's probably best that you just forget about them.
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Old 02-25-2009, 02:09 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,132 posts, read 34,624,910 times
Reputation: 16214
How old are you? What kind of work did you do? This was in an office setting?

I've never considered workplace friends to be my real friends. I would classify them more as just acquaintances or professional contacts, but not close friends. Once I am clocked out, I head home to my real social circle.

I think that it's important to maintain a professional distance from your coworkers. I hate office politics. I also want my boss and managers to know that my job and my loyalty to the company came before my alliances with my coworkers.

Did you lose your job due to downsizing?
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Old 02-25-2009, 02:17 PM
 
151 posts, read 457,272 times
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Sorry to hear about your job loss. I think there are several possiblities for why your former work "friends" are ignoring you.

It could be that they never really cared for you. It could also be because they don't know what to say to you since you were fired. It presents an awkward situation and some people would rather just avoid it by pretending not to see you. You also present many people's fear of losing their own job and they may avoid you because you symbolize that fear. There could also have been rumors, gossip and/or lies that went around at the office after you left that are causing them to avoid you.

Sorry you are dealing with this and hopefully you will be employed again soon.
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Old 02-25-2009, 03:35 PM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,717,705 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
How old are you? What kind of work did you do? This was in an office setting?

I've never considered workplace friends to be my real friends. I would classify them more as just acquaintances or professional contacts, but not close friends. Once I am clocked out, I head home to my real social circle.

I think that it's important to maintain a professional distance from your coworkers. I hate office politics. I also want my boss and managers to know that my job and my loyalty to the company came before my alliances with my coworkers.

Did you lose your job due to downsizing?
I largely agree with this, but would offer up some broad exceptions. There are any number of colleagues with whom I have maintained friendly acquaintances over the years. They still get invited to parties and vice versa. But the friendship just isn't the same as our true friends that we've made outside our various workplaces. I only have one real friend from my professional life, and that's because we practically went through hell together.

That being said, when a colleague is let go, it is incredibly stupid and short-sighted to slight that person in any situation (Unless he was doing something such as embezzling or nailing the secretary on his desk).

First, it demonstrates a lack of compassion. In this economy, there's really no such thing as a safe job. So consider that it might be you in the unemployment office next, and act accordingly.

Second, it demonstrates professional myopia. Whenever I've known of somebody who has been let go, I have always made it a habit to call them or e-mail them. Aside from being the right thing to do, you never know where that person will wind up. One of my best clients is a guy whom I called after he lost his job. I met him for coffee, looked over his resume, offered helpful tips, and forwarded it on to some people on his behalf.

None of those leads panned out, but he never forgot that I gave a rip about his fate. A few months later, he was in a position of responsibility, called me up, and hired my firm.
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Old 02-26-2009, 12:10 AM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,411,385 times
Reputation: 6958
You seem to be an extremely popular and well liked individual. Give us the hints on how to be cool and accepted like you are? Plus, what area do you live in. Maybe you live in a very friendly and caring Utopia!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I largely agree with this, but would offer up some broad exceptions. There are any number of colleagues with whom I have maintained friendly acquaintances over the years. They still get invited to parties and vice versa. But the friendship just isn't the same as our true friends that we've made outside our various workplaces. I only have one real friend from my professional life, and that's because we practically went through hell together.

That being said, when a colleague is let go, it is incredibly stupid and short-sighted to slight that person in any situation (Unless he was doing something such as embezzling or nailing the secretary on his desk).

First, it demonstrates a lack of compassion. In this economy, there's really no such thing as a safe job. So consider that it might be you in the unemployment office next, and act accordingly.

Second, it demonstrates professional myopia. Whenever I've known of somebody who has been let go, I have always made it a habit to call them or e-mail them. Aside from being the right thing to do, you never know where that person will wind up. One of my best clients is a guy whom I called after he lost his job. I met him for coffee, looked over his resume, offered helpful tips, and forwarded it on to some people on his behalf.

None of those leads panned out, but he never forgot that I gave a rip about his fate. A few months later, he was in a position of responsibility, called me up, and hired my firm.
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Old 02-26-2009, 04:01 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,240,030 times
Reputation: 1649
Default My Old Friends From Work Will Not talk to Me

I feel bad for you. Unfortunately, my theory on leaving a job is that no matter what the circumstances of your leaving, you will be forgotten 2 weeks after you leave. I was let go from a job I had for 13 years at a fairly large company. I was working as a Senior Admin. Assistant to the Vice President of Finance and loved my job and was good at it. There was a huge personality conflict with my last boss. She was tough to work for and had no proper office etiquette when talking on the phone and at least on two separate occasions, she told an outside vendor to "leave her messages on voice mail because her Secretary had her head up her ass"...not nice. I went into her office, closed the door and we had a talk about how she was to refer to me to outside vendors and if she was upset with me then we settled that in private. She also referred to an African American associate using the "N" word which I did hear and although I am not African American, it infuriated me. I went to Personnel about her and was let go several weeks later.

Was all this unfair, ABSOLUTELY and she was fired a year later and I was asked to return but refused. The people I knew while working there did stop calling me for a time. After they all figured out I was ok and had found a better job with a great boss, they stopped calling.

Work environments are just a totally different world from the real world of friends. Kind of like a temporary friendship place that ends when you retire....leave, etc. The only way you can continue these friendships is if YOU cultivate them after you have gone. You have no way of knowing if perhaps these former friends have been told to not continue their friendship with you...which can and does happen or if they may be really busy with their own lives. It could be a bunch of stuff. I wouldn't get too upset over it until you call them and see how they react.

Relax, maybe find a new job if you are so inclined, make new friends. The world is full of great people, you just have to extend yourself and let go of the past.

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Old 07-19-2012, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,290,006 times
Reputation: 6774
Quote:
Originally Posted by spring greenery View Post
As I mentioned on another board I have just found this board because I have so much time on my hands due to having been fired from my last job. My boss said I was not a good fit even though I never received any warning and I had been at that employer for eight years.

Now all my old friends from my job no longer talk to me and when they see me in public they act all strange and cold. These were people who came to my home, had lunch with me a few days a week, and were in work related sports leagues.

Now that I am unemployed, they will not have anything to do with me. I thought we were friends.

I would enjoy hearing from others who have lost their jobs and their new relationship with their old workplace friends.
This is disgusting.

You weren't a GOOD FIT? Well you fit just fine for eight frikkn years!!!!!

Get a lawyer. This is illegal...at least where I live. The only sackable offence is not being able to do your job (short of doing something illegal yourself) and even then the employer is required to retrain and give warnings etc. The fact that you were there so long proves you can do your job. I'd lawyer up...this is horrific.

Forget about your workmates. Most people are just out for number one, sadly...it's human nature.
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