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Old 02-26-2009, 09:07 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 4,503,606 times
Reputation: 2034

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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmobizmo View Post
Yes, there is a "Golden Child" in our family also. He does no wrong and the rest of us are a disappointment.
It's just too stupid. They coddled him, they throw him up in everybodies face, they only mention him to friends....result? A really overweight army officer that is still entry level after all these years, took 5 years to get through a 2 year college, had an affair on his wife with an enlisted woman, my grandfather had to pay a ton to shut up his wife so he wouldn't get thrown out of the army, and he's this incredible success accord to them.

My mom puts herself...well...with my help...through college in her 40's..finishes top in her class, and my grandfather comes to the graduation and says "so this is what my tax dollars are wasted on"

At her funeral I watched him writhe...thinking...at least in his mind...that he's going to hell!
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Old 02-26-2009, 09:30 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,043 posts, read 14,270,085 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmobizmo View Post
I'm just tired of my family. Mom is a drama queen who demands that we all dance to her tune or face her wrath. My sibs are perfectly happy staying in their own part of the country and not calling, visiting, e-mailing or otherwise acting like they care. I'm tired of trying only to be shot down regardless of what I do. I would like a close, loving family but it would require others to step up and contribute some effort.

Tell me about your crazy-making family members so I can feel better about my own dysfunctional one.
The very behavior that drives you nuts may very well be their defense mechanism. You value your family because of it, you don't think it's right that you should be so distant. They don't value as much because things weren't right. Ya know?

I've put a sister out of my life. My mom doesn't like it, but she created that monster, and she defends her because she feels guilty about it. So, I told her that we should probably not discuss her at all because I will never agree with how she enables her. There are 4 of us. 3 of us get along famously. One tolerates her, the other avoids her as much as he can and I want nothing to do with her. Instead of acknowledging that there might actually be something wrong with the heffer, my mom blankets it with "Oh, this family is so scewed up." or makes it like we're ganging up on her. It grinds my gears.

I accepted that I cannot change my sister. It hurts that I had to cut her off, but it hurts much less than actually keeping her in my life. Through her I learned that I can choose my family. And that I don't have to share DNA with someone in order to consider them family. After I have cleaned house with my frienemies, I am fortunate to have the few friends I do have left and they more than make up for her.
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Old 02-26-2009, 12:44 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,427,194 times
Reputation: 864
I'll just say...you're not alone
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Old 02-26-2009, 12:56 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,304,761 times
Reputation: 6957
Hello friend Gizmo,

I love your screen name; it is so cute.

I'd love to talk dirt about some of my family members.

First of all my mother is similar to your mom. She likes to have a support system with her family. In a way her and I both feel betrayed by some of our more selfish and apathetic family members that also happen to be highly educated and smart individuals, go figure. My Dad has pretty much already given up and hasn't reached out to too many family members for a while, he has accepted it as it is.

I'd say just about all of my adult cousins are incredibly selfish and apathetic people. They make up all sorts of idiotic excuses of why they can't email or talk on the phone and why they do not visit. We have since had zero expectations for them and hear nothing from them on holidays or birthdays or any occasions.

One of my aunts pretends to be good friends over the phone and by email. Then when you go visit her she zones out and only talks about herself, her problems, and her issues and snubs the rest of the family or she plays favorites and excludes a single person during a gathering. She does this all the time and there is no point in visiting her ever again because she has no redeeming social qualities. We believe she is on medication because her social skills have gone from adequate to bordering on senility and autism within the past decade.

Another aunt is just flat out flippant and bitter to the core of her soul. When I'm around her I actually feel cold. lol.



Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmobizmo View Post
Okay, this is a little rant in addition to a question for others.

My family isn't close by any stretch of the imagination. Age differences, distance and general personality differences are just a start.

My mother regularly rages at me and others in the family because we are so distant with each other. I understand her feelings on this because she wants us to be close to each other and be a support system but after all this time, I am the only one besides my parents who has put forth the effort.

I care about my siblings but I am just plain tired of trying to have a close relationship with others who can't even be bothered to call, e-mail, send a Christmas card, visit or extend basic empathy during a difficult time. I've done all these things but I just feel that since these family members can't extend the same courtesy, I'll just stop wasting my time with them. Simply put, their lack of reciprocation has hurt my feelings for many years. Recently, I elected to just go about my life and if these folks want to talk, they can put forth the effort for a change.

Now, my eldest brother who is barely more than a stranger, has been diagnosed with cancer. I am concerned but this guy has never attempted any form of closeness so my concern only extends so far. This is the same guy who can't manage to write down my phone number, address, e-mail, etc... Mom rages that I am cold and uncaring. I see my concern as the same as it would be for any other stranger. I care, but I'm not up in arms over it. It's sad but what am I supposed to do when others want to remain distant?

I'm just tired of my family. Mom is a drama queen who demands that we all dance to her tune or face her wrath. My sibs are perfectly happy staying in their own part of the country and not calling, visiting, e-mailing or otherwise acting like they care. I'm tired of trying only to be shot down regardless of what I do. I would like a close, loving family but it would require others to step up and contribute some effort.

Tell me about your crazy-making family members so I can feel better about my own dysfunctional one.

Last edited by artsyguy; 02-26-2009 at 01:04 PM..
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Old 02-26-2009, 12:57 PM
 
127 posts, read 399,200 times
Reputation: 40
Default they say blood thicker than water well so is oil!!!!!!!!

HELL TO THE YES I get fed up with my 2 brothers(we have the same mother&father), we only ones like that. They talk about me behind me back to ppl thats not even in the family! They try to jump me ( them chumps) and then get mad cause I dont smoke weed,never been locked up, or sell drugs....... man my family gets on my damn nerves. I don't even claim them as my brothers. When ppl ask me who they are I tell them "They somebody that look like me" or " They are some ppl that live in the same house" idk who they are somtimes. its a shame I'm closer to my best freind than i am with my 2 brothers with the same parents.!!!!!!!!!!!!! They say blood thicker than water well so is oil!!!!!!!!!

Last edited by MrChicago; 02-26-2009 at 02:13 PM..
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Old 02-26-2009, 01:02 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,304,761 times
Reputation: 6957
I'm so so sorry to hear that. It must be so tough to deal with that. Please get better.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MrChicago View Post
HELL TO THE YES I get fed up with my 2 brothers(we have the same mother&father), we only ones like that. They talk about me behind me back to ppl thats not even in the family! They try to jump me ( them chumps) and then get mad cause I dont smoke weed,never been looked, or sell drugs....... man my family gets on my damn nerves. I don't even claim the as my brothers. When ppl ask me who they are I tell them "They somebody that look like me" or " They are some ppl that live in the same house" idk who they are somtimes. its a shame I'm closer to my best freind than i am with my 2 brothers with the same parents.!!!!!!!!!!!!! They say blood thicker than water well so is oil!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-26-2009, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,286,039 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmobizmo View Post
I used this same argument w/ my mother yesterday. I asked if all roads, phone and Internet lines only led away from Charlotte, not to it. That didn't go well.
It's very frustrating to get beat over the head by someone who fails to notice your own efforts to date.
As a mother though, I can understand her frustration. Maybe she's hoping you'll be the bigger person and reach out to your slacker brother now that he's suffering.
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Old 02-26-2009, 01:05 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,304,761 times
Reputation: 6957
Let's not call people names. People have "feelings".

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
As a mother though, I can understand her frustration. Maybe she's hoping you'll be the bigger person and reach out to your slacker brother now that he's suffering.
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Old 02-26-2009, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
973 posts, read 2,966,315 times
Reputation: 1236
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
As a mother though, I can understand her frustration. Maybe she's hoping you'll be the bigger person and reach out to your slacker brother now that he's suffering.
Believe me Loves, I have tried time after time to reach out. I envy folks who have close knit families and would love something like that for my family but it seems that my parents and I are the only ones who have been willing to put forth the effort. After a while, the rejection starts to wear a person down.
I understand my mothers frustration all to well since it's similar to my own. I just wish she would see how hard it is for me to put myself out there only to run up against a brick wall, over and over. It seems that that onus of holding the family together has fallen to me and she thinks I'm not trying hard enough.
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Old 02-26-2009, 02:00 PM
 
Location: NW Nevada
14,126 posts, read 11,568,137 times
Reputation: 13189
Do I get fed up with family members? LMAO ummmm, yea.
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