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Old 04-07-2009, 12:00 PM
2,751 posts, read 4,804,225 times
Reputation: 1767


Originally Posted by ulnevrwalkalone View Post
I think it was the right thing to do in principle but you waited too long. Its like telling a drunk driver to stop doing it AFTER they get a DUI. Its like warning somebody about the floor being slippery after the person has fallen, its not much help...
Right! The time to tell her was before she got pregnant.
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Old 04-07-2009, 12:04 PM
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,230,547 times
Reputation: 1649
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
If you have a friend who you think drinks too much or engages in inappropriate sexual behavior that harms his or her life, are you honest with that person about how you feel? Or do you hold your tongue, thinking you can be a better friend and a bigger help by remaining silent? I ask this because I have a good friend who just got busted down in rank in the Army for getting pregnant while deployed in Iraq. I really like her. She's a great gal. She's a bit of a ****. (Lots of Army girls are.) I usually hold my tongue when it comes to this, but this time I just told her to quit sleeping around.

She's a very competent, professional soldier. Because she couldn't keep her pants pulled up so to speak, she now is a private again. What a waste. We needed her in the ranks at a higher level of responsibility. I told her what I thought. She now hates me and never wants to speak to me again. (She'll probably change her mind on that, but if she doesn't so be it.) Was it cruel for me to kick her while she was down? Or did she need a kick in the a** from someone? (I think most of her female friends are skanks and would just shout ... you go girl ... and most of her male "friends" don't mind that she gets around at all... it's always nice to have a little action in the midst of a deployment, after all.) I figured someone should say it. So I did. Would you?
It has to be difficult to be away from home in Iraq and just so you know, 99.9% of the population right now appreciates everything you are doing. That being said, who was "minding the store" while all this girl's carousing was going on? Do the powers that be turn their backs on all this kind of behavior just because of the situation the soldiers are in? I am not saying that the blame for this girls behavior should go anywhere except on her shoulders but at the same time, there should have been more control.

I don't know....I have a friend I have had for 30 plus years now and we don't pull any punches with each other...tell it straight or don't tell it at all. You didn't kick her while she was down...she put herself in that position and the only reason she is mad at you right now is because you told her the truth. She knows she screwed up.....yet somehow it ends up being someone elses fault or she doesn't want to face the truth...who knows. The sad part of this is, I would be concerned that her attitude is going to change once the baby comes and also her focus. Both of which could be an issue. I don't know much about military life or rules but I would assume the position you are in...you have to stay focused.

Stay in the background...you said your piece. See how things develop. You didn't do this to her, she did it to herself.,
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:44 PM
Location: In my skin
9,045 posts, read 14,285,304 times
Reputation: 8901
Originally Posted by DFWgal View Post
She's already suffering the consequences of her actions, and she may need support so I don't think I'd feel the need to add my unrequested opinions to her worries. Maybe if she particularly asked or something like that. And there is always a way to let people know our thoughts.

Just my two cents

Fair enough, but we are human beings and we make mistakes. I don't think we need "our friends" judging on top of things when we screwed up and we are already feeling like crap.
I don't disagree. Like I said earlier, he knows better than anyone else - that includes whether or not he was too hard on her.

I'd have to say that if my promiscuity was so bad that it led to me losing my job or being demoted, I'd expect a major talking to. But that's just me.
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Old 04-07-2009, 07:37 PM
12,050 posts, read 11,119,697 times
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You guys have given me some excellent advice. Sincerely, I appreciate it. A day later, with more time to think about it, I realize was probably too harsh. I waited way too long to tell her. Now, I'm torn. She told me she wants me out of her life ... "now!" Should I respect her wishes? Hope that she contacts me and try to make it right then? Or should I just go ahead and do what CoolHand suggested (very good advice Cool ... if I do go your route, I will handle like that.) I also like the idea of waiting until she has the baby and sending her something.

I think she'll make a good mom; however, I just don't know. I never considered promiscuity to be an addiction before I met her, but it's very similar. (Unfortunately, I've had a few addicts in my life.) The d***able thing about addicts is that when they're not on the drug of choice they're awesome -- they reel you in, earn your trust. And then .. bam -- rug pulled out underneath you. I might be stating this a little dramatically because so far the only life she's harmed (that I know of) is her own. I just want her to grow up to be the awesome mom she can be. I'm also p***** about what she did to the Army. We need all the good hands we can get right now. We need her, and we need her in a higher pay grade -- and in the fight (as a result of the pregnancy she's going to be sent home).
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:23 PM
2,002 posts, read 4,078,492 times
Reputation: 1748
Maybe an apologize for being too hard on her? Much better than sending things to the baby months later...
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