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Unfortunatley you may not know what your friend has gone through since HS. I was a slim, attractive person in high school and ballooned afterwards.. I went through a horrible marriage, was extremely ill and was on steroids for most of a year.. severe depression, etc..
So you just don't know what has happened, or even what is going on. AND your friend may not have a support network in her life to help her in making healthy decisions about her weight and dating.
for me dating is SO stressful I would rather eat.. thus.. my hangup with dating = social anxiety mixed with a fear of abondenment, abuse, rejection. I get anxious at the thought of dating -= and want to eat. maybe your friend is having social anxiety issues???
I work out a lot.. am a bit overweight, but I'm fit and BUFF .. i eat better and work out more when i have a PERSONAL goal in mind and leave the whole dating, finding a mate issue out of my life.
If your friend is a constant whiner etc... just be blunt with her about it... do the tough love "Look, you know your overweight and we all know what we need to do to loose weight." If a person WANTS to look better, feel better, loose weight - they will. (VERY small percentage have issues with this due to medical... look up the facts)
I mean, I look at her, and if she hates being fat, shouldn't she decide to change? Every time I see her she's eating away, and I've never seen her refuse cake, pie, etc. And then, "oh gosh, I gotta lose weight..."
Some bigger folks are born that way, but she wasn't. I don't understand how people like her - formerly very cute - can allow themselves to morph this way.
Some people just do not enjoy working out. Its as simple as that. Its more enjoyable to them to sit and eat whatever is in front of them than to pick up a couple of dumbbells and do lunges.
Me (and the wife), we love working out (or at least being physically active). Its therapeutic, relaxing, entertaining, and just flat out fun for us. If we go out to eat, we eat quickly then go. Overweight people eat slow, and enjoy their food because for them, that is their entertainment.
What really saddens me and for the life of me, I think I will NEVER understand, is how people just let themselves go KNOWING THAT THEY ARE JEOPARDIZING THEIR HEALTH and worse yet, indirectly hurting their familes.
I doubt that many people make a conscious decision to be fat. It can come from depression, self-medicating with food, medications they may be taking, medical problems, and ABUSE.
I've read articles that say people who have been sexually or emotionally abused put on pounds as a buffer or barrier to the world that hurt them. They're scared of being hurt again and subconsciously want to distance themselves from that possibility/other people even if they say they want to have relationships.
Add into the equation that some folks eat to make themselves feel better when they get upset. Shoot, one of my college roommates would sit down with a half-gallon of ice cream and a large spoon every time she had a fight with her boyfriend! I'm the opposite -- I can't eat when I'm upset and I guess that's another way of using food to self-medicate, in my case the ABSENCE of food.
If people gorge themselves and are slovenly, I know it's hard for me not to make judgments. However, we all do have to remember that few people actually choose to be fat.
I doubt that many people make a conscious decision to be fat. It can come from depression, self-medicating with food, medications they may be taking, medical problems, and ABUSE.
I've read articles that say people who have been sexually or emotionally abused put on pounds as a buffer or barrier to the world that hurt them. They're scared of being hurt again and subconsciously want to distance themselves from that possibility/other people even if they say they want to have relationships.
Add into the equation that some folks eat to make themselves feel better when they get upset. Shoot, one of my college roommates would sit down with a half-gallon of ice cream and a large spoon every time she had a fight with her boyfriend! I'm the opposite -- I can't eat when I'm upset and I guess that's another way of using food to self-medicate, in my case the ABSENCE of food.
If people gorge themselves and are slovenly, I know it's hard for me not to make judgments. However, we all do have to remember that few people actually choose to be fat.
My heart goes out to anybody who, regardless of gender, has been abused.
Having said this, I don't think people consciously CHOOSE to be fat. No one says, "I am going to go on a diet of McD's, pizza, and soda; I'm going to eat cheesecake, pie, and ice cream as dessert every night; and, I'm going to be sedentary and not move my body any more than I absolutely have to to live my life."
But I must also say that we all have the power of choice. Take it from someone who eats a lot, and who still struggles with a "clean" diet as required by my exercise regimen because I love to eat so much. My cheat foods include steak, which I limit myself to only one serving on the weekends.
We are all responsible for our choices. I could have chosen never to have invested in a gym membership 4 years go. I could have abstained from going online and asking other lifters about how to lift, how to lose weight, how to eat properly. But had I done so I'd be fatter and less muscular than I am now.
I CHOSE to live more healthily PRECISELY because I noticed my metabolism had begun to slow down dramatically after I hit my late 20s. seeing a lot of married people around me getting fatter, I realized I had the option of becoming like them, or becoming as fit as I could within the limitations of my time.
Today, I had a whole wheat wrap with grilled chicken and vegetables and salad. No guacamole, no cream. I chose a healthier meal over the unhealthier options.
My point is... each choice counts towards the larger picture.
Yes, but you are able to think rationally. Those who are abused, depressed, etc. cannot. Plus, once they start over-indulging, their stomachs stretch and it's more difficult for them to feel full. Rabbit food doesn't stick with you, LOL.
Personally, I think gym memberships are ridiculous, even though I used to work out at a gym a few times per week when I lived in the cold and snowy north. Americans have grown lazy and pay others to do what everyone used to do themselves -- lawn care, snow shoveling, car-washing, and umpteen other chores are great exercise and don't cost several hundred dollars per year.
As we age, our bodies normally slow down and gravity takes over...yup..that old gravity. Suddenly you look in the mirror and you swear there is someone following you, whew...it is just my BUTT...good thing, hope I don't run into anyone I know that can see the BUTT trail I left. AHHHH.....think I'll sit down on the deck and read a book now and see if any of my old cronies are out walking...oops, dropped the book...yikes, there is that out of shape BUTT again and this time it is stuck to the plastic chair...someone call 911...lady with plastic chair stuck on her butt!!
Look, I got out of high school over 40 years ago...life does not stay the same for anyone except Jack LaLanne...know who he is??? Well he is nigh on to 100 years old now and was an exercise guru back in the day...he looks incredible. Not everyone is like that and to be absolutely disgusted with an old friend who now has an eating problem doesn't help that friend at all. If you are so into this exercise schedule and routine, that is good for you but don't condemn someone who can't get a grip on their eating habits.
Me??? I am 61 years old...slightly overweight but have had some health issues...not caused by weight. Back in the day, I played softball, tennis, walked the track, played volleyball and swam. I was in great shape. As the years have gone by, I have developed a slow thyroid, high blood pressure and just recently had open heart surgery for an aneurysm which is hereditary. I have slowed down some but refuse to slow down totally.
Just think now....if I was your friend and you hadn't seen me in say 40 years and began whispering with your friends about how big I had gotten and then you talk with me and notice my huge scar going from my neck to the top of my belly...hmmmmm now wouldn't you feel foolish???
Well.....gotta go...here's hoping I don't get my big BUTT stuck in my office chair and have to call 911....but then perhaps there will be a HOT policeman who likes chunky chicks...ya think????
One suggestion I have for people in these scenarios is you have to have boundaries with everything else in life and make some time for yourself EVERY DAY.
I think I first learned this back living in a ski town working 80 hours + a week 7 days a week and all sorts of crazy hours. I was letting my health go and lacked sleep and felt terrible often. I learned sometimes I had to start saying NO to people and to take a day off for myself or take time off for myself. Also everyday I made sure at the end of the day, I took an hour to get online at different forums to discuss topics(which I enjoy) and to have a hot meal even if that meant picking something up from Denny's at 3 AM on the way home from work. It was my time to unwind from the long work day and relax.
Second you have to be active in some form of exercise. When I stopped the two things I enjoyed in high school, swimming and biking, my weight started creeping up. Back in my late 20's I started making the time to go back to bicycling and swimming and although I feel I have a way to go to peak fitness I do work hard at it. So I think you have to find some sort of exercise program you will be motivated to do.
I often wonder about this too. Every time I see the The Biggest Loser on, I'll wonder how those people ever reached that point. Gaining weight is easy if you're not careful, but it's not like you can become morbidly obese overnight. Even at my heaviest, I was never more than 25 pounds overweight.
It does feel like a lot of people make excuses. I know cause I used to make them myself. A lot of people claim they don't have the time to workout. But it's hard to believe that when the average person watches 4 hours of TV a day. And just think how much time people waste on Facebook, Twitter, etc. I have one friend who watches The Biggest Loser for inspiration and I think to myself, "wouldn't the time you spend watching that show be better spent actually working out?"
One excuse that really bothers me is when people with kids say having them makes it impossible to find time to workout. I don't have kids, but if I did, I would be terrified of dying early and leaving them without a father or getting sick and becoming a burden on them. That alone would motivate me to workout or, at the very least, eat better.
A lot of people also blame their friends for being a bad influence. That I can understand to some extent. But it's not like your friends are forcing food down your throat. And if your friends are really that bad of an influence on you, maybe it's time to find different friends.
People even use their age, but the truth is that your metabolism doesn't have to slow down with age. The reason it does is because most people lose muscle as they get older. But if you eat right and lift weights, you shouldn't have to lose muscle. I'm in my 30s and I'm probably in better shape and have more muscle than I had in my 20s.
It's easy to use food as a crutch when you're under stress. I used to do this and to some extent still do. But now I use exercise to relieve stress. Personally, I hate working out. But I love how it makes me feel, look and I know it's good for me.
The problem these days is that the people who want to change expect immediate results. They want to be able to do a diet for 30 days or workout 10 minutes a day and lose all the weight they put on. And when they don't get instant results, they give up. I used to workout 2 hours everyday. And while I got great results, I eventually realized it was unnecessary. Instead of working out longer or more often, Now I just workout smarter.
The bottom line is if you want something bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes to get it. I want to stay healthy and in shape. That's why I work everyday to make sure of that. These people who let themselves go to the point that they become not just slightly overweight, but morbidly obese, it's hard not to look at them and wonder if they don't like themselves very much.
It is not marriage, it is age and having children.
When you are young you can run every day and it feels good.
When you get over 40, many people begin having knee and back problems. Exercise becomes painful. Plus you seem to have less and less time of your own. You also do not metabolize food as fast or as much. then thro in sleeping problems and being tired all the time and you will find it is very difficult to exercise regularly. Many of us still manage to get a reaosnable amount of exercise and stay in decent shape (but would be fat by 20 year old standards). A few stay in really good shape, but it is very few. I probably know 200 or more people over 40 years old. I do not think that I know 10 who do not need to lose 10-20 pounds or more.
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.. i eat better and work out more when i have a PERSONAL goal in mind and leave the whole dating, finding a mate issue out of my life. 
People Letting Themselves Go
