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Old 04-23-2009, 04:24 PM
 
1,917 posts, read 3,946,226 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itz View Post
Unfortunatley you may not know what your friend has gone through since HS. I was a slim, attractive person in high school and ballooned afterwards.. I went through a horrible marriage, was extremely ill and was on steroids for most of a year.. severe depression, etc..
So you just don't know what has happened, or even what is going on. AND your friend may not have a support network in her life to help her in making healthy decisions about her weight and dating.
for me dating is SO stressful I would rather eat.. thus.. my hangup with dating = social anxiety mixed with a fear of abondenment, abuse, rejection. I get anxious at the thought of dating -= and want to eat. maybe your friend is having social anxiety issues???
I work out a lot.. am a bit overweight, but I'm fit and BUFF .. i eat better and work out more when i have a PERSONAL goal in mind and leave the whole dating, finding a mate issue out of my life.

If your friend is a constant whiner etc... just be blunt with her about it... do the tough love "Look, you know your overweight and we all know what we need to do to loose weight." If a person WANTS to look better, feel better, loose weight - they will. (VERY small percentage have issues with this due to medical... look up the facts)
I doubt she was majorly abused. She is a religious person and has always had a church support group. She is a healthy person in that she does not use illegal drugs and cigarettes and does not consume alcohol. She's had work-related problems with other people as everyone else does but this is most probably not why she let herself go.

Look. If someone doesn't care and is happy being quite overweight, it doesn't bother me. I just hate it when they throw their (emotional) weight around. I learned one thing - I will not be anybody's emotional tampon.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,461,018 times
Reputation: 13177
Most gyms have a childcare room, so having kids is no excuse NOT to work out. I used to take both of my kids to the childcare so I could hit the gym. My husband tells me he doesn't have time to work out. I disagree. Spend one of those TV watching hours doing something else - the gym, a jog around the local high school track (just around the corner from us), or whatever.

My dad is about 175-200 pounds overweight. He is in the hospital right now with congestive heart failure due to his weight, lack of exercise, and poor eating habits. People were not designed to be human garbage disposals! I don't know why my dad let himself go like this. I do know that ever since I was a small child, my dad has always been pissed off at the world and carries around a huge "get even" revenge mentality. Maybe that has something to do with it, I don't know. But at any rate, he carries around so much weight that his knees hurt like hell and he has to be constantly hopped up on Vicodin just to walk from the kitchen to the bathroom to his chair in front of the TV set. He can't exercise. He can't have a knee operation either because of his diabetic state and heart condition - he might die on the operating table. Another thing - because of his weight and how difficult it is for him to get around, sometimes he doesn't make it to the toilet in time.

However, I was on the phone with my mom the other night. She is also overweight, but not as much as my dad. We were talking about dieting and exercise and throwing out all of the stuff in her house that he shouldn't eat when he gets out of the hospital. She admitted to me that she let herself go because of him. She figured that since dad didn't take care of himself, didn't care enough about himself, or her, or their marriage to stay reasonably fit, then why should she. I thought that was very sad. If you can't do it for your spouse, then do it for yourself.

If my dad is well enough to get out of the hospital at some point, he has a lot of work to do. You don't just undo 30 or 40 years worth of damage overnight. I don't envy his uphill battle, not one bit.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:17 PM
 
2,057 posts, read 4,858,357 times
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If my future wife "let herself go" then I would let myself go right out the front door to find a lawyer
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:24 PM
 
9,830 posts, read 19,521,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post

If my dad is well enough to get out of the hospital at some point, he has a lot of work to do. You don't just undo 30 or 40 years worth of damage overnight. I don't envy his uphill battle, not one bit.
Well I think that's what a lot of people don't realize. I saw a lot of people I knew age pretty hard in a few years in their 20's from being out boozing every night and parting it up. They kind of pass a point of no return.

I do believe the body can heal itself, but once has to get in a program of fitness for life. That's why I don't believe in dieting. There has to be a diet for life, not for a few weeks.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,461,018 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo View Post
Well I think that's what a lot of people don't realize. I saw a lot of people I knew age pretty hard in a few years in their 20's from being out boozing every night and parting it up. They kind of pass a point of no return.

I do believe the body can heal itself, but once has to get in a program of fitness for life. That's why I don't believe in dieting. There has to be a diet for life, not for a few weeks.
He needs to completely change his eating habits. I really have never seen anyone shovel the crap into his mouth constantly the way my dad does. I mean anything and everything. And salt ... no matter how salty something was to begin with, it just needed to be even saltier. Doctors have tried to change dad's eating habits over the years, for one thing, he is diabetic. He didn't seem to care. Then recently dad started popping ALLI, but not going on the accompanying diet, and of course, no exercise because he can't get out of his chair.

This comes as no shock to me or to my brother. We kind of mentaly prepared ourselves for something like this years ago. It was only a matter of time before something bad happened and he landed in the hospital.

What is hard to understand is that when he was younger, in his 20's and early 30's, my dad was a trim, fit, handsome man! Dad had movie-star good looks back in the day. It just baffles me.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:41 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,301,022 times
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Just get your dad the gastric bypass surgery. If Star could do it, then so can your dad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
He needs to completely change his eating habits. I really have never seen anyone shovel the crap into his mouth constantly the way my dad does. I mean anything and everything. And salt ... no matter how salty something was to begin with, it just needed to be even saltier. Doctors have tried to change dad's eating habits over the years, for one thing, he is diabetic. He didn't seem to care. Then recently dad started popping ALLI, but not going on the accompanying diet, and of course, no exercise because he can't get out of his chair.

This comes as no shock to me or to my brother. We kind of mentaly prepared ourselves for something like this years ago. It was only a matter of time before something bad happened and he landed in the hospital.

What is hard to understand is that when he was younger, in his 20's and early 30's, my dad was a trim, fit, handsome man! Dad had movie-star good looks back in the day. It just baffles me.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,461,018 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Just get your dad the gastric bypass surgery. If Star could do it, then so can your dad.
He can't have it because he might die on the operating table. He went for the seminar for the lap band, but the insurance won't pay for it and it's a $17,000 operation.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:47 PM
 
25,787 posts, read 32,776,831 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Just get your dad the gastric bypass surgery. If Star could do it, then so can your dad.
Artsy, I know THREE people that have had that surgery, and though they initially lost weight, they all three are now every bit as big as they were when they had the surgery.

Education and changing your behavior is the only way, IMHO.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:48 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,301,022 times
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So.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
He can't have it because he might die on the operating table. He went for the seminar for the lap band, but the insurance won't pay for it and it's a $17,000 operation.
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Old 04-23-2009, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,461,018 times
Reputation: 13177
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
So.
I know, huh! I should just fork over the dough ... but I don't wanna be an enabler!
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