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Old 04-27-2009, 07:12 AM
 
756 posts, read 1,986,707 times
Reputation: 622

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Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
I'm not a judgemental person in general, and am fairly accepting.

But i hate it when people look at me and get all vexed up and scornful. what the **** did i do to them? lol...

Why do people look at others and have an expression of dislike? How can I make this go away?
If you are not judgemental then how do you know people are looking at you with expressions of dislike? If ALL people are looking at you like that, then, sorry, it's you not them.

How on earth would you know what strangers were thinking by a glance at you?

 
Old 04-27-2009, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Bayou City
2,991 posts, read 4,594,070 times
Reputation: 2502
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Here we go... MrSykes had to bring racial prejudice into this with his references to tapdancing and greasy lips. No where has anyone suggested samston turn into an "Uncle Tom" in order to win people over. Have you actually read the whole thread? If samston is for real, he is a 28 year old unhappy, lonely, shy, frustrated and angry young man. He claims not to have any friends. He doesn't get along with his family. He was the one that says people think he looks like Biggie Smalls. And from numerous threads he's created, he seems to have real problem relating to people.
I didn't say anything about race.

But having read through the entire thread, I quickly took note of how so many were so quick to make it his problem, which only reinforces what was causing the OP's distress in the first place - judgmental people. I know where he's coming from because I've been there myself. Someone else on here has suggested that since the OP looks "naturally intimidating" to people, then it is somehow incumbent upon him to go out of his way to put them at ease. People have told me the same thing in the past, even though I'm not an abnormally large man and am considered handsome. Pardon me but that's just a load of horse dung!

I think the OP and I can agree that we are not here to make others "comfortable" in our presence, because only they can control the response they choose to engender in our presence. Like I said before, if they choose to be cordial with me, then I'm even more cordial with them right back. And if I needed to make the "first move", i.e. getting someone's attention, then I would make it a point to approach them politely as I would have them do me. Other than that I'm just going on about my business.

Quote:
And based on only everything he's posted (just ignore our posts and suggestions) you are recommending to him to continue to do his own what he's been doing and not try to relate to the immediate people around him?

I think that it's a real possibility that samston's main problem is that he perpetually walks around with a scowl on his face and looking directly at everyone around him in a confrontational and challenging way as he tries to gauge their reaction to him. Even having a neutral expression on his face would help.

Another suggestion would be for him to wear an iPod and to be listening to his favorite music while he is out and about on the streets. That way he could focus more on listening to the music and take his mind off of what others think of him.
Possibly. But it is likewise possible that he's simply feeding off the negative energy others direct at him due to their own insecurities, making for a tense social dance.

I would likewise recommend adopting a "neutral" mien, which I agree can be reinforced when you preoccupy yourself with music. In fact I never jog without my mp3 player. If ignorance of other people's possible negative reactions to me is bliss, then my mp3 player is my personal ticket to paradise when I'm around others.

This is certainly much more preferable to walking around like Smiling Bob from the erectile dysfunction commercials.
 
Old 04-27-2009, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Texas
5,070 posts, read 8,970,279 times
Reputation: 1632
Might try interacting, more. Say, you open a door for somebody, the person says "thanks" and you say you are welcome, and the person thinks hey this is a nice guy.

In this situation:
Quote:
Well yesterday i was on the bus and some lady looked at me as if she wanted to hit me or something.
Maybe there you could say with a grin something like, I'm sorry, is this where you normally like to sit?

I think somebody had an idea about joining some kind of group. They'll get to know you and see what a swell guy you are. Your circle of acquaintances will expand, and who knows what might happen?

What interests do you have?
 
Old 04-27-2009, 07:49 AM
 
336 posts, read 681,259 times
Reputation: 297
I've been there, as a teenager. For me, it had to do with depression and low self-esteem. Everything was painful and stressful, like standing up just to get off the bus. I thought people were staring at me, and that brought on incredible anxiety. I did grew out of it, though...

Unfortunately, it's a no win situation. People will stare if you're incredibly beautiful or if you have a gigantic mole between your eyes. The fact is people will stare.

The best suggestion I can make is if you perceive someone "frowning" your way, just SMILE . They'll either smile back or quickly turn away. You can't control how people react to you, but you can learn to control your reaction/non-reaction to them...someday.
 
Old 04-27-2009, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Texas
5,070 posts, read 8,970,279 times
Reputation: 1632
I personally don't mind people staring as long as it is not another man doing it.
 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,523,438 times
Reputation: 49780
Sam,
I'm gonna burst your bubble....adjust the tin hat and settle in.

People are NOT hating and glaring at you at 1st sight.

Honestly and truthfully, they probably don't even really look at you or better yet really see you. Believe it or not, you are NOT the most important thing in these peoples lives...oh wait you said EVERYBODY does it. Sorry same goes.
They probably look up because they see movement. Then look right back down.
They probably couldn't care less if you were there or not. They have their own lives and own problems.

You have built up this belief to make excuses at to why you don't have friends or aren't "popular". You've have now used this excuse to shield your feelings.

You need to change YOU and YOUR attitude. You can't expect anyone to like you if you don't eve like yourself.

Get help!!!
 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:15 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 4,459,118 times
Reputation: 1612
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
So why do you look like Biggie Smalls? So are you tall? And average build? What do you really look like?
my face.
Quote:
That's very difficult to believe. I'm starting to agree with some that think you are a troll.
no, nobody does.
 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:18 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 4,459,118 times
Reputation: 1612
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue View Post
Sam,
I'm gonna burst your bubble....adjust the tin hat and settle in.

People are NOT hating and glaring at you at 1st sight.
Yes they are. At work today, i left a can of hot chocolate open and walked to the sink, and some young woman asked me if she left it open, and i said no, and then she gave me such a scowl. it's the last time I'll talk to her again.
Quote:
Honestly and truthfully, they probably don't even really look at you or better yet really see you. Believe it or not, you are NOT the most important thing in these peoples lives...oh wait you said EVERYBODY does it. Sorry same goes.
They probably look up because they see movement. Then look right back down.
They probably couldn't care less if you were there or not. They have their own lives and own problems.

You have built up this belief to make excuses at to why you don't have friends or aren't "popular". You've have now used this excuse to shield your feelings.

You need to change YOU and YOUR attitude. You can't expect anyone to like you if you don't eve like yourself.

Get help!!!
I am changing me, since because no one wants to know me or be around me, I have to change.
 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,364,319 times
Reputation: 39851
[quote=samston;8534848]Yes they are. At work today, i left a can of hot chocolate open and walked to the sink, and some young woman asked me if she left it open, and i said no, and then she gave me such a scowl. it's the last time I'll talk to her again.

Uh, dude, if I read that right, maybe she looked at you that way because you LIED to her about leaving the can open and she knew it???

Honestly, you need professional help. Many of us have tried telling you over and over, hope you will listen and quit looking for excuses to blame everyone else for your feelings.
 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:37 AM
 
12,050 posts, read 11,119,697 times
Reputation: 9999
I understand the frustration, but this post is not cool. Samston is probably mentally disturbed. I wonder if we saw a picture of his face if we'd know it. Sam, no offense meant by that -- you seriously need to get some help dude. If I had a rash, I'd go see a doctor. If I thought everyone in the world was scowling at me and was having urges to hit them, I'd go see a psychologist or psychiatrist.


Moderator cut: deleted quote

Last edited by Keeper; 04-27-2009 at 05:31 PM.. Reason: orphaned quote.
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