Why Can't People Put A Sock In It? (presents, person, children)

[silas777]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Okay. Last night we attended the confirmation of my nephew at his church. Admittedly, it was a long service, but my children were able to sit quietly throughout it.

Meanwhile, a woman in the pew immediately behind had three teenaged children with her. They were whispering throughout the first half of the ceremony. By that, I don't mean the occasional remark, but an ongoing 45-minute conversation complete with giggling and the whatnot.

Finally, I had had enough. I turned around and said, "I'm sorry, but you're being very rude. This is a church service." Of course, this met with an affronted look from the woman, but at least they shut up.

After the service, the woman tapped me on the shoulder and said how rude I was to her and her children. To which, I said, "You're right. But that's nothing compared to the ongoing conversation you were having, disturbing everyone around you." To that, she said, "Don't you tell me how to behave," to which I responded, "If you're going to disrupt a church service, I have every right to ask you to be quiet. If you can't control yourself for 90 minutes, then you should go sit in the cry room where you can babble to your hearts content."


Okay. I fully admit it was not my finest moment. I also fully admit that I made a bad situation even worse, and regret saying what I did. I certainly did not handle it well, particularly since it took place at a religious ceremony. So, I'm pretty much beating myself up over snapping like that. It's really unlike me.

That being said, what is it with people who think that they can walk into a church service, a movie theater, a musical performance, or any other event that requires listening and quiet from the audience or congregation, and yap away as if it were their living room? I mean are people so self-centered that they have to say whatever they want to whenever and wherever the thought occurs to them? What is the deal on this?

I am with you on this one. Maybe a couple of looks,followed by a shhh with the finger to the lips would have been better, but I too get very frustrated, when a speaker anywhere is talking,no matter how big the audience and people are being disrespectful and rude by not giving them their full attention or worse talking to someonelse.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Nine pages of support for cpg

Are all your folks in forties and fifties and pretty much worked up on social ethics code and strictures?

Am I the lone one to think telling someone (someone very junior) "rude" on the face is inappropriate in itself?

Man, Tony's a misfit

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by Colossus_Antonis

Nine pages of support for cpg

Are all your folks in forties and fifties and pretty much worked up on social ethics code and strictures?

Am I the lone one to think telling someone (someone very junior) "rude" on the face is inappropriate in itself?

Man, Tony's a misfit

There's no question that I regret being so blunt when addressing the mother. However, you didn't really take issue with that. Instead, you provided a rambling argument about how it's perfectly okay to blurt out whatever in church, even if it detracts from the experience of others during the service.

Again, this isn't about some oppressive mechanism of society quashing individuality, for that is a juvenile construct that only serves to rationalize bad conduct. Instead, this is about the obligation of an individual to respect the corporate needs of the congregation as a whole during a solemn mass. And if my high-spirited 9-year-old son can grasp this concept without prompting, then why can't a fortyish woman and her brood of adolescents?

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

There's no question that I regret being so blunt when addressing the mother. However, you didn't really take issue with that. Instead, you provided a rambling argument about how it's perfectly okay to blurt out whatever in church, even if it detracts from the experience of others during the service.

Your decision to talk to the mother is justified indeed. You were definitely right on that.

But you turned around and embarrassed the kids and the mom in public. You could have taken this up with the mom after the service.

How about saying (with an air of friendliness) something like, 'i don't wanna sound rude, but the kids are making some waffle and someone, someday might confront them and it will be a public embarrassment for the youngsters'. This is valid, and it can potentially send the mom into her train of thought. Any sane mom will buy this form of confrontation. This form of approach is passively aggressional in stance and has the most telling effect of all, as opposed to the grumpy "villain" figure you may have become.

The teens would have already coined a nickname for you, lol I know it, coz that would be the first thing I would have done, 10 years ago. We used to call such strict sunday christians cashewnuts.

I hope you realize noone will love to confront this embarrassment in the church. A million eyes scoff at you even if you are 15 minutes late, besides checking you out on your attire and state of hair.

Let's be fair, noone deserves public embarrassment.

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by Colossus_Antonis

Am I the lone one to think telling someone (someone very junior) "rude" on the face is inappropriate in itself?

No you are right on the mark Colossus. It is very inappropriate and offensive behavior.

When someone "justifies" their own bad behavior by blaming it on someone else, they are not taking responsibility for it. Regardless of the circumstances.

I had that pointed out to me in a bar incident. Someone grabbed my behind area, and I went off on them verbally. And felt totally smug and justified in doing so. Until a friend pointed out to me i owed the person an apology for using profanity against them, and publicly yelling at them. That was a hard bit of lesson to learn, but i finally got it.

Yes, I apologized to the person. Yes, their behavior was out of line. Guess what, so was mine, and for that I am responsible, for MY behavior, for MY actions. No matter how "right" I felt or how "justified" I felt, or how "bad" their behavior was. I could not blame them. And so now i far prefer to maintain my own dignity and poise, than look like an a$s in public and have to go around apologizing. It's called being a grown up. I'm getting there.

Because bottom line is, even people we don't like, even people we think are out of line, even people we think we are better than, deserve to be treated with courtesy, dignity, kindness and respect. When we are able to do that, we have come a looooooooong way.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

No you are right on the mark Colossus. It is very inappropriate and offensive behavior.

When someone "justifies" their own bad behavior by blaming it on someone else, they are not taking responsibility for it. Regardless of the circumstances.

I had that pointed out to me in a bar incident. Someone grabbed my behind area, and I went off on them verbally. And felt totally smug and justified in doing so. Until a friend pointed out to me i owed the person an apology for using profanity against them, and publicly yelling at them. That was a hard bit of lesson to learn, but i finally got it.

Yes, I apologized to the person. Yes, their behavior was out of line. Guess what, so was mine, and for that I am responsible, for MY behavior, for MY actions. No matter how "right" I felt or how "justified" I felt, or how "bad" their behavior was. I could not blame them. And so now i far prefer to maintain my own dignity and poise, than look like an a$s in public and have to go around apologizing. It's called being a grown up. I'm getting there.

And I said quite clearly in the OP that I regretted my actions, and that I made a difficult situation worse. However, it's not quite as offensive as obsequious brown-nosing.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

No you are right on the mark Colossus

Finally, an ally You've made my day.

Originally Posted by cpg35223

And I said quite clearly in the OP that I regretted my actions, and that I made a difficult situation worse. However, it's not quite as offensive as obsequious brown-nosing.

Ok, I misread it that you regretted just the post-service conversation.

But this isn't about you, cp, you clearly acted in the heat of the hour. None of us have the magnificent capability of performing an act to perfection, right as it unfolds.

What baffles me is the unanimity of 9 pages in support, on disciplining young kids who are acting basically on the "idiocy of youth", which they will pass and behave better in their 20s.

Doesn't disciplining make children more aggressive?

[Tropical Trouble]

Originally Posted by Colossus_Antonis

What baffles me is the unanimity of 9 pages in support, on disciplining young kids who are acting basically on the "idiocy of youth", which they will pass and behave better in their 20s.

Doesn't disciplining make children more aggressive?

I couldn't disagree with this more if I tried. Seriously? Since when does disciplining children make them agressive? If anything, it's the opposite. We're not talking about child abuse here, just teaching kids the simple concept of respect. Kids who are allowed to do whatever the heck they want will walk all over adults, they are rude, misbehave and are the very reason a lot of people "hate" kids.

I know plenty of un-disciplined kids who are now in their 20's, still living with Mommy and Daddy and will probably never be fully functioning contributing members of society.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by Colossus_Antonis

Finally, an ally You've made my day.


Ok, I misread it that you regretted just the post-service conversation.

But this isn't about you, cp, you clearly acted in the heat of the hour. None of us have the magnificent capability of performing an act to perfection, right as it unfolds.

What baffles me is the unanimity of 9 pages in support, on disciplining young kids who are acting basically on the "idiocy of youth", which they will pass and behave better in their 20s.

Doesn't disciplining make children more aggressive?

Of course it doesn't. What kind of nonsensical notion is that?

[Drover]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

No you are right on the mark Colossus. It is very inappropriate and offensive behavior.

When someone "justifies" their own bad behavior by blaming it on someone else, they are not taking responsibility for it. Regardless of the circumstances.

I had that pointed out to me in a bar incident. Someone grabbed my behind area, and I went off on them verbally. And felt totally smug and justified in doing so. Until a friend pointed out to me i owed the person an apology for using profanity against them, and publicly yelling at them. That was a hard bit of lesson to learn, but i finally got it.

Yes, I apologized to the person. Yes, their behavior was out of line. Guess what, so was mine, and for that I am responsible, for MY behavior, for MY actions. No matter how "right" I felt or how "justified" I felt, or how "bad" their behavior was. I could not blame them. And so now i far prefer to maintain my own dignity and poise, than look like an a$s in public and have to go around apologizing. It's called being a grown up. I'm getting there.

Because bottom line is, even people we don't like, even people we think are out of line, even people we think we are better than, deserve to be treated with courtesy, dignity, kindness and respect. When we are able to do that, we have come a looooooooong way.

What a pile of sanctimonious twaddle. Anyone who assaults someone in public deserves whatever they have coming to them in public, be it a verbal or physical response. Someone crude enough to grab a person's ass needs to be dealt with there and then. The idea that everyone deserves courtesy and respect regardless of their own conduct is stupid. Respect and courtesy is a two-way street. And if someone grabs my ass, so is assault.