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Old 05-14-2009, 09:37 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,736 posts, read 31,812,527 times
Reputation: 6788

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YES, I was watching Dr. Phil today and I thought this might be a good topic for her.

For Women
If you had a rocky relationship with your Dad growing up, has that effected the mate you have chosen. Has it impacted how you relate to all men or just men that remind you of your Dad?

For Men
Has your relationship with your Dad impacted what kind of parent you are or IF you want to be a parent? Do you make the same mistakes with your spouse that you saw your Dad making?

First let me say that I loved my Father however, there were alot of problems with how he dealt with his role as a Father for all three of his children. I believe it has impacted how I deal with all men today. Of course I am NOT saying its his fault, I have a choice but it has influenced me.

I don't know how to explain my Father, he was so many things. At times the conflict in our family was so horrible that my Father would get up and leave. In my opinion that was like a captain abandoning ship. As a child I was often left in the middle. I learned to sit near the door so maybe I could sneak out without anyone noticing me.

There was this feeling in my home that men were superior so therefore when they were doing something wrong, it wasn't really wrong. I, my sister and my Mother just had to take the abuse and take it we did.

My Father was not one to communicate about how he felt. My sister says she went out and married someone just like her Dad, her husband was a horrible communicator as well, they are now divorced. Both of us sort of carry a chip on our shoulders about domineering men.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 13,571,765 times
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I didn't have my father growing up; he died before my 1st birthday. My mother remarried and he was a father to us briefly, but not long enough for us to get the real benefit of having a father. The most important time for a child to have a parent of the opposite sex is when it's time to date and have relationships. I believe there are many things a father could have taught me about men that would have spared me a lot of pain.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:46 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 12,481,754 times
Reputation: 7280
It did, it doesn't now.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:46 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,548 posts, read 40,047,259 times
Reputation: 41974
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
I believe there are many things a father could have taught me about men that would have spared me a lot of pain.

Well, you fabulous friends here on CD can help you now.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:49 PM
 
47,573 posts, read 60,694,455 times
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To me it's a toss-up which parent is more important. Both are important. Without a dad, a lot of kids never get to do many family trips, they often don't get to go out camping, even hiking. Dad's teach you how to change a tire and the oil in your car. They teach you how to look for works to go out fishing the next day.

Not that mothers can't do those things but without a dad, they're busy or poor.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:52 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,822,384 times
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I think any intense relationship you have when you are a child and a sponge def has an affect on your personality and perceptions. If that affect is negative, as an adult, it's up to you to undo what was done. Undoing the damage may take a lifetime and be difficult work, but it's so rewarding once you free yourself from the yokel of negativistic thinking.
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Old 05-14-2009, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,736 posts, read 31,812,527 times
Reputation: 6788
I agree Violett, I think the only reason I am relatively sane is because of my grandmother, as a child I felt she was the only person who really loved me. I look back on it as an adult and feel like she was the only one who could actually show love in my family.

As for men, they continue to be a mystery to me.
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Old 05-14-2009, 10:31 PM
 
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
5,008 posts, read 10,803,824 times
Reputation: 4125
I think having a good community is the best form of raising a child. For me, after my parents divorced and lost all respect for my dad as a role model (until recently, after nearly 15 years of me hating on him), I looked to a neighbor for manly advice, and I made friends with a cool guy in college.
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Old 05-14-2009, 11:05 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,020 posts, read 25,589,110 times
Reputation: 11309
My father calibrated my life. I won't even be 10% of what I am today if not for his handiwork.

Like father, like son. That wasn't just an easy proverb
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Old 05-15-2009, 12:20 AM
 
9,912 posts, read 12,481,754 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eskercurve View Post
I think having a good community is the best form of raising a child. For me, after my parents divorced and lost all respect for my dad as a role model (until recently, after nearly 15 years of me hating on him), I looked to a neighbor for manly advice, and I made friends with a cool guy in college.
I think that's the best "defence" against turning a poor father/child relationship around.

Personally I found since I stopped focusing on all the things that were bad in my relationship with my father and how that shaped my life and instead thought about the kind of positive input I would want from a male role model and started spending time with good male role models, things improved remarkably for me. I'd say that my journey has also allowed me to improve my relationship with my father, so it's been an all round win for me! I suspect that what you've done eskercurve has also contributed to your renewed relationship with your father.
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