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you need to grow up,mature or grow a heart. Unless there is abuse,drug use, alcohol abuse or something even worse--you don't just cut parents out of your life.
One's parents should be a priority and treated with respect. If you marry someone, you too should treat your in'laws with respect.
Cut them out of your lives indeed!
Parents don't cease to be parents just because their children are grown. Not every little thing they do needs to be analyzed and held over their heads as grounds for "do it our way or we'll cut you off!" that is wrong wrong wrong.
In probably 75% of the cases I've seen first hand, it is the daughter'nlaw who begins pointing out the little things to the husband about his parents. The little things become HUGE things, then the DIL is delighted when her in'laws are expelled from her life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by runrgirl
I do not see it as a red flag if someone does not have a relationship with their parents. IMO sometimes there are adults still too involved with their parents and living their lives to please them. These people should not bother having a relationship. When you have a marriage it is about pleasing and living for your SPOUSE not your PARENTS. I repeat your SPOUSE is now priority not your PARENTS. Sometimes parents do not understand this concept and expect you to still be their child and obedient and follow their ways and that can destroy your marriage..... thus it is necessary to cut them out of your lives.
maybe some of these people should watch "Everbody Loves Raymond"; which is based on his real parents. I'll bet Marie,from that show, makes their in'laws look like Mother Teresa
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou
I don't get this at all either. Eccentricity or nosiness is a reason not to talk to one's parents. You can't put up with quirks because from what you write, nothing here is a biggie.
that's what I'm thinking too.
Their definition could be something very trivial.
Well..the most I would ever post about my own estranged family member's behavior would probably sound very trivial as well.
Because I worked with at risk youth at one time I do tend to see the bad side, I suppose you could say. And I personally have never known anyone who's cut their parents off without it being fairly well warranted.
What bugs me more is people who complain non stop about their parents yet accept money and other support from them, all the while treating their parents very badly. This kind of person doesn't have the guts to live their own lives and I'll bet there are more of them out there than those who decide that in order to live their own lives, they've got to get rid of the toxic people.
if they are willing to come on here and admit they severed ties with their PARENTS, they should be willing to say why or risk looking like they have BIG issues.
My gut instinct tells me most of the whineys were so spolied that when mom and dad had to begin refusing them every darn thing they asked for, the spoiled brats got their undies in a wad,stomped their adult feet and stopped talking to the money bags.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metlakatla
Well..the most I would ever post about my own estranged family member's behavior would probably sound very trivial as well.
Because I worked with at risk youth at one time I do tend to see the bad side, I suppose you could say. And I personally have never known anyone who's cut their parents off without it being fairly well warranted.
What bugs me more is people who complain non stop about their parents yet accept money and other support from them, all the while treating their parents very badly. This kind of person doesn't have the guts to live their own lives and I'll bet there are more of them out there than those who decide that in order to live their own lives, they've got to get rid of the toxic people.
if they are willing to come on here and admit they severed ties with their PARENTS, they should be willing to say why or risk looking like they have BIG issues.
My gut instinct tells me most of the whineys were so spolied that when mom and dad had to begin refusing them every darn thing they asked for, the spoiled brats got their undies in a wad,stomped their adult feet and stopped talking to the money bags.
Well in that case...lol...I wish the whiny spoiled brat in my family would quit talking to the moneybags and get his own life and stop his sponging.
you need to grow up,mature or grow a heart. Unless there is abuse,drug use, alcohol abuse or something even worse--you don't just cut parents out of your life.
that's exactly what many of us are talking about as a reason for severing ties with our parents: the violence and rage and abuse (emotional and physical abuse both) that we grew up with as children, and that continues towards us as adults.
We are breaking the cycle of violence and addiction and abuse. Often times (not always, but often) that includes cutting parents out of our life. It can be a necessary step to living a peaceful healthy life.
It sounds like there are people on this board who have trouble accepting that.
My mother is quite toxic. She had a very hard life under Stalin and has a lot of demons plus her own mother was quite cruel. However I also know that she loves me best she can and made great sacrifices to try to provide a better life for us and try to deal best I can though its not always pretty. I do worry about the lasting personality damage but just try to cope. I would never cut her out of my life but cannot judge others for doing what they feel they have to do.
My sister on the other hand cannot forgive my mother for not being Ozzie Harriet nor forgive her for having me (apparently previous to my birth and bringing Grandma over to help with my care things were much better). She was a heartless ***** to me when I was growing up and I'm quite tired of her trying to drag me into hate mother chatfests. She does not love me, she does not like me. I spent the first 50 years of my life looking up to her and trying to win her affection. At 50 I finally say enough, and when my mother is dead - I'm an orphan (Dad passed in 2000).
you need to grow up,mature or grow a heart. Unless there is abuse,drug use, alcohol abuse or something even worse--you don't just cut parents out of your life.
One's parents should be a priority and treated with respect. If you marry someone, you too should treat your in'laws with respect.
Cut them out of your lives indeed!
Parents don't cease to be parents just because their children are grown. Not every little thing they do needs to be analyzed and held over their heads as grounds for "do it our way or we'll cut you off!" that is wrong wrong wrong.
In probably 75% of the cases I've seen first hand, it is the daughter'nlaw who begins pointing out the little things to the husband about his parents. The little things become HUGE things, then the DIL is delighted when her in'laws are expelled from her life.
Yes.... you do cut them out when they try to RUN your life. Parents have no right to insist on the way adult children live their lives such as where they live, how they spend their money, how they raise their children, what you do for the holidays. And then if you do not do what they want they whine, lay a guilt trip or gossip about it to the rest of the family. Yep... it's cut out time. And no I'm not some spoiled brat, I've worked for everything I have and none of it was given to me by my parents. Yes, I would help my parents out if they needed it ($$) but my nuclear family is my priority. It is not mine and my husbands purpose in life to exist to make my parents happy or run our lives on their schedule or desires. They can't live with it unless it is their terms so they got cut off until they learn to mind their own business and quit butting into stuff that isn't their business. This after several conversations to get them to back off but they would not. The end result was us moving 500 miles away and it was the BEST thing I ever did.
Well, we can't exactly expect her to post the letter. And she did mention in a previous post that her husband had tried to make amends several years ago. Cutting off a family member isn't something I'm willing to be very judgemental about; I've had to do it myself and I don't think it's something that most people take lightly.
I can only go by what was posted. I find nothing in the post to warrant estrangement.
What bugs me more is people who complain non stop about their parents yet accept money and other support from them, all the while treating their parents very badly. This kind of person doesn't have the guts to live their own lives and I'll bet there are more of them out there than those who decide that in order to live their own lives, they've got to get rid of the toxic people.
I've known people to cut off their parents for just that - an extreme sense of entitlement - kids who never grew up and remained kids, maybe because they were indulged and punished their parents for that indulgence.
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