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Old 05-26-2009, 12:13 PM
ttz ttz started this thread
 
Location: Western WA
678 posts, read 995,683 times
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OK I am having this debate with someone and want some opinions.

This is about Family Interventions. How far is too far? I know lots of people will view it differently...

This topic is about food, but I guess it could be about anything like drugs and alchohol.

My Father is in his mid 60's and has always been very care free. Well his vice is eating. He eats like there is no tomorrow. He has a huge sweet tooth. He never excercised and would eat what he wants and when he wants. He would eat KFC every day and cake, ice cream and sweets, and wash it all down with some Diet Coke! Of course he is overweight and recently diagnosed a Diabetic. Well my mother always tried to make him eat right for dinner but she has no control on what he eats all day long. She mostly kept off him as she would cook healthy. When he almost died a few years ago by going into a diabetic coma and almost wrecking the car with my mother in it, she has taken an aggressive stance on his eating behaviour! He was also hauled away in an ambulance two other times around that time for the same issue. The Dr told him he needs to stop eating so unhealthy, excercize and check his blood daily to see where is blood sugars are at and he refuses to do it. Well my mother and sister are fed up and are constantly on his arse about it and keeping him in check. They have turned him around though by making sure he eats healthier and that he stays away from fast food. He has gotten healthier and has lost weight and is now considered a non diabetic! He was able to cut out a lot of fast food etc. Its been like 3 years and was doing well. But recently he has started to go back to his old ways since my mom has been away on personal matters. My sister does have to ride him a lot as he is eating fast food and eating really badly again. My sister lives with him so she is trying to cook healthy. But I do admit they have been pretty aggressive. But I am also not living with him and did not see him almost die and get hauled off in an ambulance!

So the question is, is it wrong be this way in an effort to keep my Dad healthy? Or should my family just let my Dad be and eat all he wants and die of a heart attack or diabetic coma?

Last edited by ttz; 05-26-2009 at 12:25 PM..
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Old 05-26-2009, 05:07 PM
 
168 posts, read 346,369 times
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Wow, that's a tough question. Obviously your dad knows that his unhealthy eating habits will kill him. He's heard it from his doctor, from his family and he's experienced one scare already. Addiction is a very tough thing to beat, whether it's addiction to drugs, alcohol or food. I used to know a lady who lived down my block who had emphysema so bad that she needed to cart around a small tank of oxygen. She continued smoking too and one time she made the remark, "I know these things are going to kill me, but I can't stop. Besides, it's too late now." Maybe it's time to urge your father to get professional help to find out the underlying cause of his unhealthy habits. Could he be passive-aggressive? Could he be missing your mother and trying to get her to come back? Could he be angry at her for leaving? Who knows! If he's not willing to get help or stick with the healthy lifestyle laid out by his doctor, there isn't much you can do. That's why I would urge professional help in the way of a therapist or maybe Overeaters Anonymous meetings.
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Old 05-26-2009, 05:17 PM
 
5,108 posts, read 7,656,959 times
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interventions are a waste of time unless and until the person is ready to admit they have a problem and is willing to seek treatment

also a big red flag for family members who are all gung-ho on jumping in to do an intervention, is their own participation in and contribution to the illness. They play a part. Any family member seeking to do an intervention belongs in Al-Anon, for friends and family members of addicts, regardless of the addiction (food, alcohol, gambling, cocaine, meth, whatever).

Recovery only occurs when the person is ready to seek treatment. Period. It's not rocket science. If the person chooses illness, sickness, death, that is their choice. A healthy family member contributes most to a healthy family system NOT by running around trying to do interventions or fix the person or change the person or convince them they must get help, or any of that trying to control someone else.

A healthy family member gets their own butt into Al-Anon where they can learn healthy ways to live with their loved one, regardless of whether they are active in their addiction or not.
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Old 05-26-2009, 05:50 PM
 
Location: In a house on a street in Puyallup, WA
219 posts, read 481,961 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paws917 View Post
Wow, that's a tough question. Obviously your dad knows that his unhealthy eating habits will kill him. He's heard it from his doctor, from his family and he's experienced one scare already. Addiction is a very tough thing to beat, whether it's addiction to drugs, alcohol or food. I used to know a lady who lived down my block who had emphysema so bad that she needed to cart around a small tank of oxygen. She continued smoking too and one time she made the remark, "I know these things are going to kill me, but I can't stop. Besides, it's too late now." Maybe it's time to urge your father to get professional help to find out the underlying cause of his unhealthy habits. Could he be passive-aggressive? Could he be missing your mother and trying to get her to come back? Could he be angry at her for leaving? Who knows! If he's not willing to get help or stick with the healthy lifestyle laid out by his doctor, there isn't much you can do. That's why I would urge professional help in the way of a therapist or maybe Overeaters Anonymous meetings.

Good post and advice
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:05 AM
 
Location: So Ca
5,379 posts, read 5,144,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzaphkiel View Post
...interventions are a waste of time unless and until the person is ready to admit they have a problem and is willing to seek treatment.
Actually, for some people, it is the intervention itself that forces them to admit they have a problem and go into inpatient treatment.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:04 AM
 
5,108 posts, read 7,656,959 times
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Originally Posted by CA4Now View Post
Actually, for some people, it is the intervention itself that forces them to admit they have a problem and go into inpatient treatment.
getting into treatment is just the first step, and is far different from choosing to live a life of recovery. "admitting they have a problem" and "going into inpatient treatment" are just first steps. They mean nothing and don't stick unless and until a person chooses recovery for themself.

in general when someone is "forced" or "coerced" into something by someone else (such as family members doing an intervention) it is far less effective than if someone chooses recovery and seeks treatment on their own. They will only do that when they are good and ready, usually when they hit a bottom that is enough for them to make a change.

And that is part of the sickness of the well-meaning (but very sick themselves) people who jump into do interventions. They (mistakenly) think it is in their power to fix, change, rescue, cure, help, heal their loved ones. Nobody can do that for another person, ever. Period.

Nobody recovers without choosing it for themself, and only when they are ready. No matter how many times their parents or family members or husbands or wives drag them into rehab and inpatient treatment.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:15 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,010 posts, read 22,156,229 times
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Default Family intervention, right or wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ttz View Post
So the question is, is it wrong be this way in an effort to keep my Dad healthy? Or should my family just let my Dad be and eat all he wants and die of a heart attack or diabetic coma?
In your case, and most others, a family intervention is a good thing. Clearly your dad has a problem with his eating habits. And it's great that he did so well with losing weight and becoming un-diabetic the first time. And whenever possible, I would prefer an in-house family solution over sending that family member to some expensive clinic.

Plus they all live together under one, and his failing health would have a severe impact on your mom's life and the rest of the family too. And your dad should make this effort for your mom's sake and try to live a long and healthy life for her.
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Old 05-27-2009, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,184,559 times
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My mother is 80 years old and eats sweets all day long. WHO CARES?? She's 80! Let her have what she wants!! IMO
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:16 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,010 posts, read 22,156,229 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Dan View Post
My mother is 80 years old and eats sweets all day long. WHO CARES?? She's 80! Let her have what she wants!! IMO
That's fine as long as she isn't a diabetic and going to lose her eyesight or toes. It's fine as long as she isn't 500 lbs.
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,184,559 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
That's fine as long as she isn't a diabetic and going to lose her eyesight or toes. It's fine as long as she isn't 500 lbs.
At 80 years old, if my mom would rather trade a few years of her life in order to spend her last years being happy, so be it! What good is living a few extra years if you cant be happy?
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