Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Getting together with relatives can be a strange event. Because they are family there is an expectation that you should get together, visit, do things together and enjoy each other as people. At least that is what society tells us. But just because we are family does not mean we have anything in common or really even like each other.
Do you have relatives that you see on a regular basis that you get together with and have a totally unsatisfying social exchange, leave tell your wife or husband that you are not going to see again and then a few months later end up in their home again?
It seems like we are always visiting some relatives and then the conversation is flat, boring, with long periods of silence, rolling eyes, sighs and embarrassed looks. When they ask you to get together with them again, why don't we just say: "In all honesty even though we are relatives history has shown that we just do not connect. When we attempt to talk to you all we get is one word answers, rolling eyes, sighs, and embarrassed looks. It appears that we would be better off if we just did not see each other again"
If we were to use this approach would it better to be said in a letter, in a joking way, or at the end of the event in a serious tone?
How about the honest approach?
Last edited by Weekend Traveler; 05-29-2009 at 07:27 AM..
Visits with my sister-in-law and her family are like this. She doesn't really care for her brother (my husband) or me because we have never really bought into the lifestyle of trying to pretend you are richer than you are and impress people who's opinions don't really matter. But, because they are "family", there is this unwritten law that you are supposed to make an effort to see them. So, over we go with our family and sit there trying to relate to them.
I have thought of being bluntly honest with her and saying "Hey, you don't think we are good enough and I think you are a *****, so let's just cut the crap and leave each other alone", but hubby thinks his Mom would get mad.
You are under no obligation to visit relatives. If you don't enjoy their company, don't visit them.
The honest approach is the best approach.
Sounds good in theory but how to stop the contact is the real question. One of my pet peeves is people who say "they are busy" as an excuse for no social contact. We are not that busy we just do not have an interest in them after many failed social engagements.
If you do not get together with them, how do you tell them why?
What you said in your OP is good: "I don't think a get together is a good idea. We don't really seem to enjoy each other's company." Let's keep in touch and I'll see you at the next family function.
If they want the gory details, then go into the eye rolling and awkward conversation. Who knows? You may find common ground during the conversation that will make visits bearable.
Its a courtesy invite (or maybe a guilt invite), not a real invite. Honesty is not the best policy to deny the invite. Just make up a little white lie in order to give a courtesy no.
Ah but aren't these the people that would have to take you in during times of trouble? (or vice versa)
Perhaps thats why people try to maintain some minimum of contact.
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,489 posts, read 7,178,879 times
Reputation: 29855
It is what it is.....family and relatives, nothing in this world replaces the closeness or love each of us should have for our family or extended family. Now with that said is every experience that kodac moment....absolutely not
Getting together with relatives can be a strange event. Because they are family there is an expectation that you should get together, visit, do things together and enjoy each other as people. At least that is what society tells us. But just because we are family does not mean we have anything in common or really even like each other.
Do you have relatives that you see on a regular basis that you get together with and have a totally unsatisfying social exchange, leave tell your wife or husband that you are not going to see again and then a few months later end up in their home again?
It seems like we are always visiting some relatives and then the conversation is flat, boring, with long periods of silence, rolling eyes, sighs and embarrassed looks. When they ask you to get together with them again, why don't we just say: "In all honesty even though we are relatives history has shown that we just do not connect. When we attempt to talk to you all we get is one word answers, rolling eyes, sighs, and embarrassed looks. It appears that we would be better off if we just did not see each other again"
If we were to use this approach would it better to be said in a letter, in a joking way, or at the end of the event in a serious tone?
invite them over to your house. if they don't come no reason for you to go to theirs
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But, because they are "family", there is this unwritten law that you are supposed to make an effort to see them. So, over we go with our family and sit there trying to relate to them.
How should we be honest?
