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Ever drift away from old friends because you have changed, matured and moved on? I suspect that it has happened to all of us. Usually our social engagements start to become less satisfying and we call less often and see each other for a shorter period of time until finally the contact ends. Usually the drifting apart is unspoken and both feel that the relationship has reached an end.
But what happens when we run into these old friends and they ask us what happened? "Why aren't we getting together anymore"? "Why haven't you returned my phone messages"? "I thought we had a good thing going"!
The most common reply is the old and dishonest, "I have been so busy" and a vague statement that "we have to get together when things slow down" and then a quick exit. Is this passive aggressive response really the best reply, how about honesty? How about instead, "it appeared to me _____ that we have just drifted apart, we had changed and no longer had that much in common. I valued our friendship at the time but I have moved on, nice to see you again" (and then walk away). How about the honest approach?
I think it's passive aggressive for the former friend to even ask. Relationships are a two-way street. The other person probably knows as well as you do. Just reply with something honest and non-committal like "you know how things are".
Just lie. No point in hurting some one's feelings.
I strongly disagree! The passive aggressive lying about being so busy and a false promise of getting together soon is to me more hurtful than just telling the truth. Anyone else agree?
i wish people really would be that honest. when they arent we often wonder what we did that made us drift apart. maybe we offended eachother in some way and we will never know.
i think people in general are so thin skinned that we always feel the need to lie to eachother in order not to hurt feelings.
i think if someone took the chance to tell me the truth, i would just take it like an adult and move on. at least i know what i need to work on...
I strongly disagree! The passive aggressive lying about being so busy and a false promise of getting together soon is to me more hurtful than just telling the truth. Anyone else agree?
I didn't say lie about getting together. I mean, don't go spilling about how you really can't stand them or find them boring, etc.
Play up the 'so busy' angle. Or just turn the question back on them.
It's like when the cashier asks, "How are you, today?" The expected response is, "fine". The cashier doesn't really want to know details on how your day is going, what you need to do, the children, your husband, car needs repair and you have to start dinner, etc, etc, etc. It's a question asked to be polite.
Often running into an old friend is much the same way. Both want to exchange pleasantries and go on. However if pressed for a real answer, I'd simply respond, "I think we just drifted apart." I'd see no reason to go into deep answers, debate or re-live the past.
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The lie hurts my feelings more!
