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I am coming to my wits end. My mother has been harassing me again via text.
At the advice of my grandma and my aunt they told me to tell her that I was going to talk my BF into moving back to MN...
well I pretty much know his answer.
because it's the same as mine.
so she is still asking me..if I have talked to him
I do not have the heart to tell her..that I don't plan on moving back.
and in fact we will probably be moving to Portland.
she is driving me insane.
I am so stressed out.
would it just be easier to give up my life to save her?
move back...and save my self the stress and the agony she puts me through..
but the down side is I have to go back to the life I tried so hard to get away from..be unhappy with her..and I will end up resenting her the rest of my life.
(I have already tried to explain this to her..)
I don't see why she won't just accept this.
she won't get help either...my family can only do so much.
I know I maybe young
but I only get once chance at life..
and I want to do the things my way..
I spent 21 years with her...
why can't it just be enough to know that I am happy, safe and responsible..that she raised me well enough that I know how to make my own decisions and choices in life..
I have been sensitive to her..but the only thing she says is that she will only be happy again..ever is if I move back.
She is emotionally abusive and manipulative. Do not let her guilt trips dictate your life.
You obviously love her, and I don't doubt you are there when she actually needs you.
But you have your own life, and you do not have to apologize for that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mlove87
would it just be easier to give up my life to save her?
NO.
You would just be ruining 2 lives, instead of 1.
She will only take more and more of your life and your identity away from you. This behavior does not plateau, it gets worse over time.
If she will not get professional help, that is her choice. But you do not have the resources that she needs (and no individual would).
I know this has been said before, but you HAVE to set boundaries for yourself. Examples: 1) Tell her that you will only call her X number of times per week. 2) When she asks you for a favor that you do not want to perform, tell her no without ANY explanation - just that you can't, end of story.
You cannot change her, you can only change your reaction to her.
She is emotionally abusive and manipulative. Do not let her guilt trips dictate your life.
You obviously love her, and I don't doubt you are there when she actually needs you.
But you have your own life, and you do not have to apologize for that.
You cannot change her, you can only change your reaction to her.
I know. but if she ends up dying because I didn't move back..I will feel awful..I tried everything.
She is suffering from really severe empty nest syndrome..and there is nothing I can do. She won't see a therapist any more (the therapist had sided with her anyways..she thought I shouldn't be leaving either)
she won't do anything..she didn't do anything before really..she doesn't really have friends..she never really has.
she has always lived close to her family..
she doesn't have any hobbies..
all she did when I lived with her was watch movies all day.
Thank you for your reply. I know that it's only up to me.
I will talk to my grandma and my aunt and let them know the situation.
and tell my my answer. That I am staying here.
I know. but if she ends up dying because I didn't move back..I will feel awful..I tried everything.
She is suffering from really severe empty nest syndrome...
What ever you do...do not go back! It'll be twice as hard on Mom the next time you leave. Your mom needs to grow up in a bad way. Just tell her you'll see her at the next holiday and not before. And for goodness sake...don't move her out there!
Just explain to her your a big girl now and you have "your" life to live. She's needs to deal with that fact like it or not.
Perhaps Auntie and Grandma need to get your mother into therapy, or talk to her doctor or something. I agree with Rance. Don't move back there, don't move her to Oregon, and don't go back for a visit until you are ready. Your mother needs professional help. You are right - it IS your life, and you only live it once. If you are happy where you are, then so be it. Your mother has lived her life the way she chose to live it. Now it's your turn. You are an adult - not a child, and she can't force or manipulate you into submitting to her every whim.
I agree with everyone who has said to set boundaries. You have to, or she will run your life for you. When she starts ranting during your telephone conversations (which are hopefully going to be for a set amount of time during sscheduled dates and times), just tell her you are not going to participate in the conversation, bid her adieu, and hang up. When she incessantly calls back, do not answer. Turn off your phone, or whatever you need to do. This is going to be like training a child who throws tantrums. I wish you the very best.
I have no clue what's going on all I see is a bunch of long posts.
NITO!!!!!!! Haven't seen you around in like ... FOREVER!!! I missed you!
Basically, the OP is 21, she moved from MN to OR to be with her bf. Her mother, who has some mental illness is putting a heavy guilt trip on the OP to come back home. That's the condensed version.
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