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Has anyone encountered this amongst a group of friends?...
Have you even been in the unique position to recognize a lie...not so much a one-off fib, but when someone in the group is fundamentally dishonest about something and because of your background or expertise or something like that only you can recognize it?
An extreme example would be if someone's spouting off about having a prominent position in a company, and it just so happens that you are the VP of the company....you'd know in an instant the person is full of poop but nobody else would.
The actual example I'm in the middle of is a little more subtle. It's only because of my background and profession that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that someone is being dishonest. The others are just going along as if everything is true.
It's not likely anyone else in the group will suffer as a result; therefore I'm tempted to keep quiet. The only harm that's actually happening is wasted goodwill.
However, the "liar" is likely to be harmed himself if he goes along as he is.
Do you just totally keep quiet?
Do you tell the person they aren't being so clever?
Do you tell the rest of the group?
Do you perhaps start to pull away from the group?
You don't need to say a word and it wouldn't be helpful if you did say anything. Just let it alone. Chalk it up to learning something about the other person's character and just be glad you figured out they are not entirely trustworthy b/f you had the occasion to trust them with something.
I wouldn't say anything. It's none of your business and a waste of time. They will get caught in their own lies eventually. As long as it's not hurting anyone, you don't need to be involved.
You don't need to say a word and it wouldn't be helpful if you did say anything. Just let it alone. Chalk it up to learning something about the other person's character and just be glad you figured out they are not entirely trustworthy b/f you had the occasion to trust them with something.
I pretty much agree, thanks.
I will say that it makes it difficult for me to engage in group conversation when the BS topics come up, and they're common enough topics that come up a lot. For now I just use that time to take a pee break or refill my plate or something. Whatevs.
It's not likely anyone else in the group will suffer as a result; therefore I'm tempted to keep quiet. The only harm that's actually happening is wasted goodwill.
However, the "liar" is likely to be harmed himself if he goes along as he is.
Then let him hang himself.
It sounds as though he is likely just doing it out of low self esteem - which is sad and I would feel bad for the guy more than anything. Let him "save face" or whatever in front of his friends and if it comes back to bite him, he has only himself to blame, not you. With people like this, you never know how emotionally unstable they might be or how they might react when their fantasy world is disrupted - and you don't want to be the one responsible for that if he reacts very badly.
Do you have an ok relationship with him? If you do, leave it alone. He maybe lying to save face because the truth may be too embarrassing, and you don't want to embarrass him further. We all tell one-offs sometimes, I think.
But if you don't like him and perhaps he lies and manipulates all the time, I'd start asking him specific questions about the thing he's lying about. Since he's lying he won't know how to answer them and he'll look bad. Other than low self-esteem, I think people like that lie to others because they figure they're dumb enough to believe the lies, so they're not viewing you in any high regard either when they do it. When you start asking questions, they'll realize they can't fool you anymore and move on to someone else.
Do you just totally keep quiet?
Do you tell the person they aren't being so clever?
Do you tell the rest of the group?
Do you perhaps start to pull away from the group?
Yeh, I keep quiet.
No, what for, they're not going to change anyways.
No, if they can't see it for themselves that's their folly, and I'm sure some of them do, just choose to put up with it as well....to keep the peace in the moment.
Yes, definitely...especially when [that person] is there.
I will say that it makes it difficult for me to engage in group conversation when the BS topics come up, and they're common enough topics that come up a lot. For now I just use that time to take a pee break or refill my plate or something. Whatevs.
Yeah, that is a good way to handle it.
Sometimes, discretion is the greater part of valor.
Stay valorous.
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