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Isn't it fair to say that a kids stability would be more affected by not having us both, rather than what town they live in?
Not at all. What I meant was that if you have a stable environment right now for them, that's probably better than moving cross country for a father who may or may not have a job and may or may not move again. One stable parent is better than two unstable.
And the saying that kids are resilient I think is a very broad generalization. It's easy to look at a kid and think they are okay, but you have no idea what's going on in their head. The issues will rear their ugly heads eventually, now or later. Think about how many f-ed up adults there are nowdays - this forum is a prime example (no offense ) - and all the issues they have. You think all those issues come from adulthood? Not likely.
if there is nothing at all holding you in Fl, i would say go for it, but realize that you may be dissapointed no matter how near or far he is. i grew up with my father being about 7 hours away, which meant i saw him on christmas and during the summer, that was it. and yes, I feel that it had a negative impact on me in some ways, but basically I turned out just fine....as long as you have one loving parent that is looking out for you, i think you tend to be okay. But, I also know what it is to worry that they will be emotionally scarred by the decisions you make....my husband and I are separating this weekend, actually. Good luck to you, I know it is terribly difficult.
Would you say he is a good father? Uprooting your own life may prove to be a mistake down the road. What if he moves again, will you continue to follow?
I would say he's a very good father. The moving around thing was happening even before they were born, but it was due to job loss, or end of contract, that type of thing. The job in Boston is supposed to be an ongoing contract, although initially it will be for 6 months. The move would most likely happen in the Spring, so there is time to see how the kids adjust, and if the job seems stable enough.
I'm still not completely sure how I feel about doing it. It is true that I'm not really a winter person. The last couple of years though, the heat in FL has really bothered me, at least a lot more than it did 12 yrs ago when I chose to move from South Dakota. I always thought that if I could find a place up north that had everything I was looking for (nice community, good schools, activities, *near the ocean*) that I could make it my home. I'm drawn to the water, can't explain it really.
I would say he's a very good father. The moving around thing was happening even before they were born, but it was due to job loss, or end of contract, that type of thing. The job in Boston is supposed to be an ongoing contract, although initially it will be for 6 months. The move would most likely happen in the Spring, so there is time to see how the kids adjust, and if the job seems stable enough.
I'm still not completely sure how I feel about doing it. It is true that I'm not really a winter person. The last couple of years though, the heat in FL has really bothered me, at least a lot more than it did 12 yrs ago when I chose to move from South Dakota. I always thought that if I could find a place up north that had everything I was looking for (nice community, good schools, activities, *near the ocean*) that I could make it my home. I'm drawn to the water, can't explain it really.
Lot's of us are drawn to the water. The New England area is a good place to raise a family and there are lot's of nice towns within 20 or 30 minutes of Boston. Cost of living is high though, so it's something to consider. Winters in Boston are nowhere near as cold as South Dakota, but they can still be long. Quincy and Plymouth are close to the ocean, and Cape Cod is about 90 minutes away. Great schools and plenty to do year round. In the end, only you know what's best for yourself, and if it's worth compromising or not. It's a tough decision, I hope you find a way to work it out that's a win-win for everyone.
I always thought that if I could find a place up north that had everything I was looking for (nice community, good schools, activities, *near the ocean*) that I could make it my home. I'm drawn to the water, can't explain it really.
Oooo choose Maryland then! Great state, beautiful beaches, lovely people and schools or Delaware too! You can take the Amtrak Metroliner up to Beantown anytime you like and anytime ex-hubby likes!
Lot's of us are drawn to the water. The New England area is a good place to raise a family and there are lot's of nice towns within 20 or 30 minutes of Boston.
I was looking in Plymouth or Portland actually, although I think Portland might be too far. NH has the benefit of no state income tax or sales tax, and since I wouldn't own for awhile, higher property taxes isn't really an issue. The idea of a winter rental in one of the places you mentioned is appealing because of the prices, but I hate moving.
The kids are very young (14months and 2yr8mo), so he agreed to pay enough support that I don't have to work at the moment. That won't change as long as he has a job. However, it doesn't provide enough support to warrant me paying for childcare so I can work or go to school. I admit, one of the reasons I want him to be closer is so he can share in his responsibility. Whenever my son wakes up crying, you can bet I tell him about it. I know some parents choose to shoulder that burden alone, but I want him to realize what it will do to them if he doesn't keep up his regular visitation.
Being screwed up is what I am trying to avoid. Besides the issues with my son, my daughter is likely to grow up very untrusting and/or clingy towards men because she either gets used to him not being there at all, or him coming and going. That I have seen many times.
Isn't it fair to say that a kids stability would be more affected by not having us both, rather than what town they live in?
Your thinking is on the right track. Now start packing.
Oooo choose Maryland then! Great state, beautiful beaches, lovely people and schools or Delaware too! You can take the Amtrak Metroliner up to Beantown anytime you like and anytime ex-hubby likes!
Thanks for that, but even on Amtrak I think it might be too far. It's worth checking in to though.
If he is giving you enough support that you don't have to work, by all means you should move to where he is if you want the kids to have regular contact with him. With his job and the cost of flying it will be challenging for him to participate in their lives.
I grew up without my father and it has hurt me deeply. Unfortunately my father is dead so I will never have the option to see him. You have the opportunity not to deny your children their father. I promise they will be eternally grateful for this very selfless gesture.
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) - and all the issues they have. You think all those issues come from adulthood? Not likely.
The New England area is a good place to raise a family and there are lot's of nice towns within 20 or 30 minutes of Boston. Cost of living is high though, so it's something to consider. Winters in Boston are nowhere near as cold as South Dakota, but they can still be long. Quincy and Plymouth are close to the ocean, and Cape Cod is about 90 minutes away. Great schools and plenty to do year round. In the end, only you know what's best for yourself, and if it's worth compromising or not. It's a tough decision, I hope you find a way to work it out that's a win-win for everyone.
