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Old 08-11-2009, 11:45 AM
 
173 posts, read 290,261 times
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Default My grandmother told me my mom is NOT invited to her party.. what should I do?

A really close family friend is throwing a birthday party for my grandmother this weekend. My grandmother called me this morning and told me "YOUR MOM AND STEPDAD ARE NOT INVITED TO THE PARTY BECAUSE YOUR DAD'S NEW WIFE IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT."

My mom has been a part of my dad and grandmother's life since the 1960s! My dad just met his wife about 2 years ago! And my mom even used to babysit this family friend who is throwing the party.

Isn't it messed up they are UNinviting my mom and stepdad just because of this lady we've only known a couple years? And it's my grandmother's party anyways, shouldn't SHE be the one deciding who she wants to be there??

I'm thinking of NOT going to the party as a protest because I think this is extremely rude and unfair toward my mom. Is that a good idea?

Some background, my mom and dad were married for 10 years and had two kids. They have been divorced about 30 years and my mom has been remarried almost the whole time. My dad just got remarried last year.
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh--Home of the 6 time Super Bowl Champions!
10,948 posts, read 7,464,689 times
Reputation: 4802
Has your mom been invited to parties up until your dad remarried? If so, then it is EXTREMELY RUDE not to invite her.

Yes, your GM should have the kahonis to tell her new DIL that "It's my party and I'll invite who I want to invite." Your mom has been remarried almost 30 years and this new chicka is that insecure about being in the same room with her---please!!!

Myself--I would probably protest the party and not attend as well. There seems to be some immaturity on your dad's side of the family. Your mom is better off!
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:03 PM
 
3,548 posts, read 4,465,823 times
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To clarify a few things:

1. Your grandmother is your father's mother.
2. Your parents have been divorced for 30 years.
3. Your grandmother is NOT making the decision of who to invite, but the person who is throwing the party for her.
4. Your grandmother and her ex-daughter-in-law (your mother) have known each other for 50 years.
5. The inviting decisions hang on your father's new wife insecurity.

Seems like your grandmother will do as her son wishes first and foremost, and his exes will have to be satisfied with the seconds. She must be feeling uncomfortable herself.

This seems like an extreme as opposite to the other spectrum end's extreme I posted some time ago - a woman was able to forgive her husband who married her own sister, and they live like one big family, with kids/grandkids intertwined.

I think this situation is a bit insulting for your mother and you deciding not to go is a good idea.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,318 posts, read 13,596,402 times
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The Dad`s new wife needs to get over it.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:09 PM
 
Location: In my skin
7,908 posts, read 8,461,439 times
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I'd be pretty offended myself. Let us know what you decide.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:16 PM
 
173 posts, read 290,261 times
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Yes, my mom and stepdad have been invited to most family functions up until now. That includes birthday parties, Thanksgiving dinners, etc. Everyone has gotten along great, until my dad got married last year. Suddenly my mom and stepdad are being shunned.

I did call my dad and told him how wrong I think it is and how upset I am about it. He just said he is remarried now has a new life etc. etc. and I have to decide whose feelings I'm going to hurt, my mom's or my grandmother's.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:18 PM
 
3,548 posts, read 4,465,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yoyogirl View Post
I did call my dad and told him how wrong I think it is and how upset I am about it. He just said he is remarried now has a new life etc. etc. and I have to decide whose feelings I'm going to hurt, my mom's or my grandmother's.
He apparently chose already to hurt your feelings.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,318 posts, read 13,596,402 times
Reputation: 21553
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoyogirl View Post

I did call my dad and told him how wrong I think it is and how upset I am about it. He just said he is remarried now has a new life etc. etc. and I have to decide whose feelings I'm going to hurt, my mom's or my grandmother's.

Its unfair for your Dad to stop all family functions, now that he is married.
Goes to show everyone just how insecure his new wife is, but if its your Dad`s mom, then I can maybe see, how the new wife, may feel pushed aside, or shunned somehow. She wants to get to know his side of the family, and doesn`t want to be put in the background somehow, from your Mom being there.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:26 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,680 posts, read 20,778,950 times
Reputation: 9765
Stop by the party briefly to wish your grandmother a happy birthday, and then leave. I still think that you should pay respects to your grandmother as it's her birthday.

Sorry about the family strife. Your grandmother just wants her son to be as happy as possible, and apparently that means making his current wife happy.
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