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Old 08-19-2009, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Houston TX
77 posts, read 234,222 times
Reputation: 51

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I am a solitary creature by nature. Being an only child with parents who died in my early 20's, I know how to keep myself entertained and can make do by myself.

I've been seeing a guy for two years. He is from an very large family, but when we met, he lived here by himself. We both had jobs, and maybe got together 2 or 3 times a week for dinner or what have you.

Well, he's pretty much told his family how wonderful everything is. Both of his parents have now moved here, as have several sisters and brothers, nieces, nephews, and probably an uncle or two. Now, the whole family is here and there is something going on every weekend and many times during the week. I'm now officially on the "babysitting/company" list - watching little ones or showing those new in the area around town.

It's too much for me. I like these people...I really do. But I miss the time I had by myself and/or alone with my BF. I've told him about this, but he feels this is his family. He's stuck and if he goes w/o me everyone is asking after me. I feel like I don't want to take him away from his family but I also don't want to be with them every waking moment.

My job is becoming my escape. It's in a nearby town and I find myself volunteering to work overtime and other shifts just to get out of all of these get togethers.

What do I do? I love him but I just feel overwhelmed.
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Old 08-19-2009, 07:59 AM
 
4,897 posts, read 18,464,442 times
Reputation: 3884
you have to decide what is more important here. i have a family similar to his, so i know how things are. is he worth the "trouble"? if he is, ask him to try and set some time where it's just the two of you and not always the whole family.
if that is not possible or you just dont think this is going to go as you like, then it's time to let go. but do NOT ask him to choose.
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Old 08-19-2009, 08:49 AM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,489 posts, read 7,167,166 times
Reputation: 29855
Just be yourself and be an individual that says no. Perhaps you have other plans or want to do something else or possibly nothing at all. After you do this a couple times they'll begin to see your not at every beckon call or need. Develop who you want to be now before it gets to late. JUST SAY NO.....
Try it you'll like it Im sure
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 7,166,877 times
Reputation: 3072
I stay in regular touch via phone and email but live far away.
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,176 posts, read 18,504,880 times
Reputation: 49864
Quote:
Originally Posted by eyeofthestorm View Post
I am a solitary creature by nature. Being an only child with parents who died in my early 20's, I know how to keep myself entertained and can make do by myself.

I've been seeing a guy for two years. He is from an very large family, but when we met, he lived here by himself. We both had jobs, and maybe got together 2 or 3 times a week for dinner or what have you.

Well, he's pretty much told his family how wonderful everything is. Both of his parents have now moved here, as have several sisters and brothers, nieces, nephews, and probably an uncle or two. Now, the whole family is here and there is something going on every weekend and many times during the week. I'm now officially on the "babysitting/company" list - watching little ones or showing those new in the area around town.

It's too much for me. I like these people...I really do. But I miss the time I had by myself and/or alone with my BF. I've told him about this, but he feels this is his family. He's stuck and if he goes w/o me everyone is asking after me. I feel like I don't want to take him away from his family but I also don't want to be with them every waking moment.

My job is becoming my escape. It's in a nearby town and I find myself volunteering to work overtime and other shifts just to get out of all of these get togethers.

What do I do? I love him but I just feel overwhelmed.
Just pick and choose what events are REALLY important and have OTHER plans for the ones you don't want to go to.

My husband had a gazillion cousins, 3 sisters, a brother, a gaggle of Aunt and Uncles....when we 1st got together I went thru the same thing.
It's hard but it really is OK to say no.
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:20 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,454 posts, read 13,404,501 times
Reputation: 7783
Quote:
Originally Posted by eyeofthestorm View Post
I am a solitary creature by nature. Being an only child with parents who died in my early 20's, I know how to keep myself entertained and can make do by myself.

I've been seeing a guy for two years. He is from an very large family, but when we met, he lived here by himself. We both had jobs, and maybe got together 2 or 3 times a week for dinner or what have you.

Well, he's pretty much told his family how wonderful everything is. Both of his parents have now moved here, as have several sisters and brothers, nieces, nephews, and probably an uncle or two. Now, the whole family is here and there is something going on every weekend and many times during the week. I'm now officially on the "babysitting/company" list - watching little ones or showing those new in the area around town.

It's too much for me. I like these people...I really do. But I miss the time I had by myself and/or alone with my BF. I've told him about this, but he feels this is his family. He's stuck and if he goes w/o me everyone is asking after me. I feel like I don't want to take him away from his family but I also don't want to be with them every waking moment.

My job is becoming my escape. It's in a nearby town and I find myself volunteering to work overtime and other shifts just to get out of all of these get togethers.

What do I do? I love him but I just feel overwhelmed.
I think its just a case of getting more used to it. As humans we struggle with change. Lets face it most of your life you havn't been surrounded by a network similar to this, its a huge change for you. Hang in there and over time it will get easier to deal with.
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:46 AM
 
Location: East Valley, AZ
3,849 posts, read 9,409,117 times
Reputation: 4021
I have 6 siblings, 13.5 neices and nephews, countless aunts and uncles...the list goes on. I LOVE my family!! But...

I live about 650 away from the closest member. I do this for a reason
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:48 AM
 
Location: California
72,370 posts, read 18,175,113 times
Reputation: 41651
It depends on what kind of culture he is from. A lot of cultures love to be together all the time. If you are from a different culture from his and you want to continue the relationship then you need to think if thats the kind of life you want to be in. If it's not then you need to say good bye.
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Old 08-19-2009, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,622,012 times
Reputation: 24104
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue View Post
It's hard but it really is OK to say no.
Yep. I agree with this. I would nip it in the bud now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting your space, or free time.
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Old 08-19-2009, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by eyeofthestorm View Post
I am a solitary creature by nature. Being an only child with parents who died in my early 20's, I know how to keep myself entertained and can make do by myself.

I've been seeing a guy for two years. He is from an very large family, but when we met, he lived here by himself. We both had jobs, and maybe got together 2 or 3 times a week for dinner or what have you.

Well, he's pretty much told his family how wonderful everything is. Both of his parents have now moved here, as have several sisters and brothers, nieces, nephews, and probably an uncle or two. Now, the whole family is here and there is something going on every weekend and many times during the week. I'm now officially on the "babysitting/company" list - watching little ones or showing those new in the area around town.

It's too much for me. I like these people...I really do. But I miss the time I had by myself and/or alone with my BF. I've told him about this, but he feels this is his family. He's stuck and if he goes w/o me everyone is asking after me. I feel like I don't want to take him away from his family but I also don't want to be with them every waking moment.

My job is becoming my escape. It's in a nearby town and I find myself volunteering to work overtime and other shifts just to get out of all of these get togethers.

What do I do? I love him but I just feel overwhelmed.

Sounds like the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", lol - have you seen it?

Just give yourself the space you need and try not to think of his family as a negative - it's a big plus for him remember, and could be for you too over time
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