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Old 10-02-2009, 02:24 PM
 
668 posts, read 2,084,960 times
Reputation: 233

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This is a long one, so please bear with me. I feel like hanging with my friends is a complete waste of time. Matter of fact, the more I think about them, the more I hate them. Like, literally hate them. For no unprovoked reason either. I'm trying to focus on a music production career, I've been spending alot of time with my MPC and keyboard, computer etc. and working on very little projects with various people around my city of Chicago (no, not my "friends"). I feel like I have to pursue this, and I feel like there's ALOT of money to be made further down the road if I continue.

I'm 19 years old, left college after one semester (financial, and other concious reasons), and have known these friends almost half my life. I live on my own and support myself currently with under the counter warehouse job. I work out five days a week, stay fit and focus on my music.

Well, within the past of couple of months, I've broken relationships with about three quarters of my friends from high school for no reason other than that they were taking up too much time and starting to annoy me, despite their efforts to contact me. I also broke of ties with a girl I really liked for overblown reasons, that I admit to, before high school graduation, and haven't even thought about being in another serious relationship since then. Well anyways, the friends I've kept are the ones I'm dissucssing now. I'm starting to get sick of them now too. I'm starting to ignore all their phone calls, and starting to live a very isolated and what many would consider "lonely" life. Nothing to pitty me for, I'm aware I've done this to myself, and I actually am happy for it. I feel it's allowed me to progress further as a person and take steps towards my future. I honestly feel time is better spent with myself then with these so-called friends, otherwise known as idiots. I'll explain below.

I feel they are so stupid and lame. One is so p**sy whipped, and is enrolled into some lame school with an undecided major, and does nothing but ditch his boys and hang with his lame girlfriend (I'm talking 7 days a week, three weekends out of the month) who has totally changed his personality into some weird hipster kid (which is not what he was before). I barely recognize him now. We used to go out and party, and meet people (he also used to be as passionate about this music deal as I was, and these parties used to help, and be fun too) but now all he wants to do is sit around and smoke weed and chill with his lame chick at his dad's house (who he still lives with), and waste time and money in this economy studying courses in some stupid school that will serve no purpose in his life towards a pointless currently undecided major, just so he could probably work some lame office job (which he has actually said "would not be that bad"). The only times he wants to hang out really is the occasionally one weekend out the month, where he obsesses about how he wants to trip on acid or some hallucigen (which I already did plenty enough of in high school), which I don't really want to do anymore, cause I don't want Parkinson's by the time I'm 28. I told him he missed the bandwagon on that one a long time ago, and I'm done with hallucinagens, so let's do something else. Which in his case means calling up his girlfriend for 2 hours while I sit in his bedroom, so she can complain about how a college professor didn't congratulate her personally on a well written paper, which she got an A for anyways. Get real. He used to be my closest friend, but now I hate this kid the most.

Well another friend I have is just a complete idiot. There's still a soft spot for this one inside of me, but it's quickly fading. He talks a big game, like "man, I wanna got out and make big money, and I'm gonna do this and this and that." And I'm like "alright, that's good, you should". And I encourage him 100% like a good friend should, but then all he does is go over to the other friends house when he can and smoke weed and sit around all night and fall asleep, and procastinates everything he says. He constantly lies about everything, and says hes got all these girls, owns a gun, runs deep within a gang, and is working on a business to grow weed and sell it (which will never happen, as like i said, this kid procastinates everything). He even lies to his parents and says he currently is running a record label (the same one I'm dabbling around in with my music thing), and produces beats and writes lyrics (which he never has, and this is what he says to his parents). Everytime he gets his paycheck, which could be used towards investing in the future, or even his "growing business", he blows ALL of it on weed the same day. I'm talking hundreds of dollars spent on ounces of weed, which he doesn't even flip to make money... he just smokes it all, in one weekend too. What an idiot. What a moron. Even though I like the hunger this kid talks of occasionally, I feel this kid is a straight up loser, as he is all talk but no walk.

And then there are these bunch of kids who can all be grouped in the same catagory, who all are, or were, my friends. They are high school drop outs and all they do is sit around and smoke weed, even more so than the other ones. I definately don't see them as much as I used to, even compared to the ones above, and even they almost stopped hanging out with these ones. They have no job, no schooling, they sit around and smoke weed LITERALLY all day, and are now recently on to coke too. I don't think I really neeed to go into detail on these one's. Pretty self explanatory.

There are other's, but this post in dragging on too long. In short, I want to leave Chicago and take my dreams and aspirations (words that seem completely foreign to my "friends") elsewhere. They all are settling for mediocracy or even nothing. The idea of that makes me sick. I really hate my friends, and can't wait to get out. I'm thinking of Miami to start networking and meet more people my age who like actually go out and meet other people and do things and stay fit. I even told my friends they should come down with me, and they say "sure, sounds cool", but do nothing to work towards it, while I already am sending out resumes and applications. Maybe I'm some sort of narcississist (sp?), and think I'm better than they are. I don't know. All I know is that I want to pursue something, and I feel they are holding me back. I'll sacrifice a lonely and isolated life for a couple months to reach my dreams ('m not even 20 yet), at least itll be productive instead of going over to my friends house and smoking weed and falling asleep and waste the weekend anyway. I feel like I'm hanging around a bunch of senior citizens. I just want to leave without even telling them.

So to get to my point, should I feel like an a**? Should I be ditching them like this? Should I be feeling guilty? After all, my first friend started ditching me first for his girl he's only known a couple of months. I tried to give them chances, to encourage them to do something with their lives, but enough is enough. I love smoking weed and drinking 40's too, but I can't do it all day every day and waste my life like that. What do I do? Am I doing the right thing? Thank you for reading, and I appreciate your advice.
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Old 10-02-2009, 02:40 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,048 posts, read 14,314,364 times
Reputation: 8909
The two people you described don't sound like much of a loss, but I also think your attitude can use some adjusting. Don't spend too much time looking down your nose, you'll go crosseyed.
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:42 PM
 
Location: London, England
11 posts, read 48,391 times
Reputation: 20
I'm surprised you still keep in touch with your friends from high school. I forgot about 90% of mine when I left.

Throughout life you will constantly be making new friends and losing old ones. Don't worry about it.
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:16 PM
 
218 posts, read 699,325 times
Reputation: 227
Many people lose contact with most of their friends from high school. Most of us don't think it will happen to us but high school is a little pond and your choices for friends are limited by what's available. Once we move on (to college or a job) we often lose touch because most of what we have in common is history. As adults, when we change jobs the friendships with co-workers that we thought were very close often fade as well because again, what we have in common changes.
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Old 10-03-2009, 07:23 AM
 
12,050 posts, read 11,140,781 times
Reputation: 10009
You need to read "Faust." (Any version will do .. I like Christopher Marlowe's .. Goethe's is the most detailed and elegant, but even a thumbnail sketch of the legend will do though.) The decisions you are making right now will someday come back to haunt you in a very real, terrible way. Or, even worse, they won't.

To be an artist, you must have soul. Soul is collective; it is communal. Don't detach yourself from humanity. It may seem like a bother now, but it is actually the source of truth and inspiration. Even if you succeed in becoming technically proficient in your art, it won't do you (or anyone else) any good. It will just become a chimera that leads people astray.

You've been warned, friend.
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Old 10-03-2009, 07:45 AM
 
Location: right here!
1,057 posts, read 1,737,604 times
Reputation: 1310
You're 19 and have a lot of years ahead. Go for it. If most of your friends are into sitting on the couch and getting high and drinking, that's fine for them. Just because you want to leave doesn't mean you have to cut them entirely out of your life. But don't feel guilty. It's your life to live. It's also yours to waste. Only you get to decide.
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:32 AM
 
22 posts, read 74,752 times
Reputation: 30
When you feel frustrated with others, it is often a sign that you, not they, need a change. If your needs were being met, you would probably be more tolerant of not just your friendships, but everything. Conversely, your unmet needs aren't necessarily about your friendships.
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:49 AM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,475,732 times
Reputation: 2790
We do "outgrow" our friends. You are still growing and you are just growing in a different direction than your former friends... therefore "outgrowing" them.

By growing, I mean maturing and as you mature/grow, priorities change. Sounds to me like you are looking to the future while they are still stuck in "now".

I would not feel bad at all if I were you about what you are doing. You are looking ahead in life, they are not because they are to stuck in "now". Life is all about setting goals and working to achieve your goals. Good luck with them and never give up on working toward your goals...

(My one regret in life is I waited a long time before I started working on some of mine, time passes FASTER than you realize!)
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Houston
302 posts, read 777,493 times
Reputation: 368
There is nothing wrong with outgrowing people. It happens, and you need to do what is best for yourself in life. There is no need to feel guilty, but I wouldn't severe ties with people in such a way that would make it impossible to come back to them. If I were you, I wouldn't completely ignore their calls and drop off the face of the earth. Tell them you are really busy right now, but still make time for them. If you want to move, great! Go for it. It is definitely the right thing to do for you, if that is what you want.

But, you sound extremely judgmental of your "friends". You are 19? They sound like normal 19 year old guys to me. Not sure where they are going in life, wasting time and paychecks on weed...it isn't my preferred lifestyle, but don't judge them so harshly.

I think it is fantastic that you are so motivated to do something with your life, but in my opinion, your attitude makes you far less grand than you think you are. Maybe you are just venting here (in which case, vent away ), but if you, overall, think you are better than everybody just because you have found your motivation and goals in life, you are in for a long time of isolation. A lot of people do not know where they are going in life.

I can see how it is frustrating you to watch your friends sitting around and doing nothing with their lives, and I feel for you. I really do. I have seen my friends do it, but you know, you have to accept it if you want them in your life. Are they good people? Good support? If they got their act together, would you want to keep them as friends? I ask this because, as I said, I think they are pretty normal for young guys. You might want to drift apart now, which is fine, but what if in a few years they are all doing well for themselves and are the kind of people you can really click with again? That is why I say go for what you want, but don't burn your bridges with your friends. You might find yourself regretting it down the road.
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:33 AM
 
2,639 posts, read 5,215,126 times
Reputation: 2352
I'm going to go against the grain here, and disagree with just about everyone here. I felt the same way when I moved out on my own.

If you're on a path to your own personal success, you don't want to be held back by others who do not have the same passion and drive. This is perfectly normal behavior and you should not feel ashamed by it. You're not "looking down your nose", or anything. You've just gotten to a point where you realize that you are headed down a different path, one they've chosen not to follow.

I had mass amounts of friends before I turned 18. When I turned 18 and started working that number dwindled down to about five. As I grew older they all slowly dropped off, one by one. I'm still familiar with them and I see them every now and then when I visit my parents, but I don't spend time with them like I used to. The reason is simple - I'm making a life for myself and doing quite well at it, and I don't have the same tolerance that I used to. That's not to say I think any less of them as individuals, but if they're not willing to at least try, I'm not willing to put myself out.

- One was in the military, had a stable career, and then somehow screwed it up. We think he got dishonorably discharged for picking a fight, but can't confirm...he now smokes weed, drinks and works subpar jobs. Mind you, this person was doing some computer work at one time. Sharp mind, doesn't want to use it.

- One worked for the city, first in construction, then in transit. Got laid off, doesn't want to work any other job even though there are jobs that fit his skillset and desired function. Well then he got desperate and open to taking some other things, but he's been out of work so long that it's hard for him to find work now. So he lays around mooching off of insecure females, playing video games all day. Doesn't bathe, doesn't get clothes, doesn't do anything. Yet he wants a Dodge Magnum.

In this economy, where people are actually fighting to get work, I can't find myself wanting to be around those types. It brings me down to have them around, because they don't want to succeed. They want to "get by". I understand getting by if it's all you can do, but if you don't even want to try to do more, that's when I have a problem. You hear complaints about "well I need a college degree" and this and that - I've worked for some of the largest companies in this city and I don't have a college degree. It's just I realize that you sometimes have to accept a crappy job and work your way up.

So OP, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You're on a path and you're committed to that path. You will find other friends who are on or near the same path. You don't need to change anything.
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