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Hello all, I'm new here. This is very awkaward for me to even write this as I have never admitted this. When I was in high school I had good friends, when I was younger I had 3 best friends and that changed from 1-2 or more best friends. I stopped having friends after I left college, and this is weird for me because its actually quite embarrassing and I guess funny at the same time. I just turned 22, Iv always been miserable on my birthday right after 18. It wasn't fun to get older and I realized things were changing. Mu aunt passed away today, (May God rest her soul in peace, God Willingly). I am writing this is because I want to go to a councilor but how can you say to a persons face, 'oh I am 22 and haven't been able to keep/make new friends for the last 3 years?' Insane or what? My lat best friend standing, just left me. This is a gradual process, wherein they stop calling me and we stop hanging out. I get angry at the best friends because they know so much about me, I'm thinking maybe I told them too much over time and I shouldn't of done that. Maybe they couldn't handle having such a troubled friend? I used to be really fun and loose, I used to imitate Carlton's dance from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I would say crazy things and was never afraid to laugh loudly. Now I cant even sit in a social gathering without feeling like a compete weirdo. I know this has a lot to do with my weight (blah blah everyone has heard this garbage as have I), I am slowly losing some (mainly because of my on and off illness). Family have commented of my slow weight-loss and commend me on my achievement as they know I got the bad genes from my fathers side! What Im trying to say is I am really lost, should I feel ashamed because of how old I am and still unable to keep friends? Should I go to a counselor for my social awkwardness, even though this was never a problem a few years back?
I cant pin point when I started to change but I miss the old me, the loose chic who could sit back and have a laugh. Now I sit an old woman with her hands on her lap and feel weird in social gatherings, its so absurd as I write this. I've been feeling like for 3 years and now only decided to tell someone, even if its on the internet Maybe its because my Aunt (May God rest her soul in peace, God Willingly) passed away at 2:00 pm in the afternoon and I found out 3 hours later. She was warm, kind and really, really friendly. She was six weeks pregnant and has a beautiful (thank God) 2 year old child. She passed away because of a sudden heart attack, the doctors couldn't explain why. When I arrived at my other aunts house (everyone gathered there because its bigger ), I walked in sad hello to everyone kiss on the cheek (normal greeting ) for relatives I hadn't seen seen in a long time, and when I got to my uncle... I just shook his hand, I accidentally called him my other unless name and I quickly corrected myself , said his name and then said..'sorry' . I don't know whats wrong with me, I look at people straight in the ey when I talk to them; I carry on conversations normally and crack a few jokes. But sometimes I can be a damn freak without knowing why or how I managed to embarrass myself in a such a delicate situation. I couldn't bare to look at my 2 year old cousin, shes so beautiful, innocent and unaware that her mother has passed. When she smiled at me I thought I was going to ry and when she tried to paly with I just smiled meekly and handed her toy back when it fell, my cousin was sitting right next to us. She noticed this and distracted my younger cousin. I was thankful. I had asked my mother what happened, my mother was meant to tell me except she was looking at my cousin as she spoke. I feel inadequate in my mothers eyes but then she's my heroes when things get tough she always bails me out.
I left the house early without saying good bye to anyone and didn't even return like I told my mother I would. As I walked back home, my legs seriously felt like I had been walking 3 miles even though my house was only five minutes away. I used to be really cautious of staying out at night, but now I actually find it peaceful. London night air for some reason is reminding of New York, maybe I need to go back? I was only there on holiday, maybe I just need ot move away and concentrate on healing myself. But now I'm scared something will happen again (God forbid). My dad once told me, if I leave the house he would be very hurt ( in my family its frowned upon for a 'woman' to live on her own, and if she does everyone looks at her differently...) My dad has a lot on his plate right now, as does my mother. When I was diagnosed with mild depression a few years ago the had to take me to a psychiatrist because the counselor kept blaming my parents, which made me so much angrier. I once told them that I would love to see Egypt, and when I was sixteen they took me there. We stayed there 3 months I saw a counselor there ( a family friend), to this day I can never repay them, it was all so expensive. Apologies for the essay, I hope my point was closer if not then.... I want to know should I see a counselor again, put myself in an embarrassing situation and pour my heart out again? Technically I think that s what lost me my last 2 best friends I poured every pang in my eart to them and they always listened , I listened to them to ..but over time we s=just stopped talking. My friend was too busy and my other one never really hung out with me besides phone conversations even though we were best friends since the 1st day of high school.
Shall I get over it and just get some help, or should I suck it up and continue this path of pain?
You over over analyzing a bunch of natural human behaviors and emotions and they are ****ing with your head. Everyone is weird, hun. Move on and quit beating yourself up over nothing.
I also think you are dealing with some sort of recurring anxiety (maybe depression) disorder...but I am NOT a psychologist so take that for what it's worth.
[quote=anthousa;11571628]. I am writing this is because I want to go to a councilor but how can you say to a persons face, 'oh I am 22 and haven't been able to keep/make new friends for the last 3 years?' Insane or what?
You say it exactly the way you just wrote it here.
(mainly because of my on and off illness). Family have commented of my slow weight-loss and commend me on my achievement as they know I got the bad genes from my fathers side! What Im trying to say is I am really lost, should I feel ashamed because of how old I am and still unable to keep friends? Should I go to a counselor for my social awkwardness, even though this was never a problem a few years back?
Going to a counselor is always a good thing to get an unbiased opinion and pinpoint things such as your weight which are holding you back.
I cant pin point when I started to change but I miss the old me, the loose chic who could sit back and have a laugh. Now I sit an old woman with her hands on her lap and feel weird in social gatherings, its so absurd as I write this. I've been feeling like for 3 years and now only decided to tell someone, even if its on the internet
Changes in your life are natural. Exchanging one set of friends for another does happen. I believe you are question your bond with people because of you aunt's passing. Things like this tend to scream the loudest about our own lifestyle and friends. I do not have the same friends I had in highschool or college. I found myself at a weird crossroad when all my gal pals got married and had kids. It was then I found my place fostering dogs for a dog rescue and there I made new friends.
Periodically, life 'cleans house' in order to make room for new people and things.
There is nothing to be ashamed of, Neither your age nor talking with someone. It really helps to talk with someone, even if it's just on the internet. I would advice to talk with a professional, as you can get unbiased answers and he can give you the best help. So get hold of a councilor, it will help you one way or another. It might feel a wee lil bit odd at the start, but that eventually passes. And if it isn't for you, atleast you tried it, and no harm is done there!
Now for the age, Don't worry so much! You're only 22! You're young, and got the best years ahead of you. We all have speed bumps in the road once in a while, but you can get past those. You're walking a road. Sometimes it's grass you're walking on, other times you're walking on stones. But it's only then you learn to appriciate the grass, and truly enjoy the good times. We all have times in our lives when we have to reflect on who we are, and when it's over you have became a stronger person. You know yourself better, and you can deal with things more easily.
So head up high, smile on ye lips. It's not the end of the world, it's just time to figure out some new things about yourself!
Everyone who replied to my post, thank you very much). I am over analyzing some things, but I think now that I have read back on what i wrote I may have something deeper that I will have to ask my parents about. I am happy that these few responses have given me more now, beuase I know going to counsellor is the the 3rd step.
Alright, you've said a lot here, so I'll try to take things as I see them.
What you're going through is normal.. Everyone goes through that transition period in life where life-long friends move away, move on, move out, whatever.. It sucks, but it's just the way it is. Those people who are able to keep their "childhood" friends are lucky, as that just doesn't happen that often.
But, most people are able to deal with this and move on. I think that there's something deeper here that's causing you to feel this way. To me, it sounds as if your aunt's passing was the breaking point, and this has been going on for quite awhile. I'm sorry to hear about your aunt, btw.. it's always hard to lose a loved one.
So, the question is, what's going on? Why do you feel depressed? Why are you having social anxiety? Thing is, nobody can answer that but you. A counselor is really only a mirror.. They listen to what you say and try to understand, and then once they understand they give you the tools you need to live a happy life. They will only understand what you let them understand, if that makes sense. Listen, I'm of the mind that everyone should get help at some point in their lives, even if they don't need it. Just by visiting someone and talking through your problems, you get to understand yourself a lot better.
I see that you said you made an appointment. That's awesome! Once you're able to get in and start talking with this person, you'll feel a lot better. The issue could be anything; it could be emotional, something to do with your past, or it could be physical, a chemical imbalance.. whatever it is, I'll tell you this, if you don't get help to "fix" it, it'll only get worse.
Now I know that you're worried about how others will perceive you. That doesn't matter. You are who you are, a unique, special person. Don't ever let what anyone else says or does get you down. I don't want to hear "crazy", or "insane", there's really no such thing. You have something that hurts you, and you're asking for advice. In my book, it takes a strong person to even think about asking, and an even stronger one to ask.
Let me ask this, if you break an arm, what do you do? Hopefully, you'd go to the doctor to have it reset. You would talk to that doctor, tell them where it hurt, tell them how you hurt it, etc. etc.. right? Well, going to a counselor is no different. They are there to help, and I'm sure that they've heard a million times worse than anything you could ever say.. There's no need to be embarrassed about anything.. Just go, be yourself, and get the help that you want and need.
You'll be alright.
I wish you the best..
Quote:
Originally Posted by anthousa
Hello all, I'm new here. This is very awkaward for me to even write this as I have never admitted this. When I was in high school I had good friends,
Everyone who replied to my post, thank you very much). I am over analyzing some things, but I think now that I have read back on what i wrote I may have something deeper that I will have to ask my parents about. I am happy that these few responses have given me more now, beuase I know going to counsellor is the the 3rd step.
You are not weird. I've been in your shoes, and I still am sort of..at age 51. I can remember being in my late teens/early 20s and thinking I should be out there with lots of friends having the time of my life, but mostly I wasn't. I didn't go to college so I never had the opportunity to be around tons of people my age. Making and keeping friends isn't easy. Some people hang on to the ones they made when they were young, mostly because they DON'T have the chance to make more later on. I've noticed that I have to work hard to keep a connection going with the 2-3 friends I have today, and even then I notice that we don't really have all that much in common beyond having known each other awhile now. Sometimes it's a pain, but I do it anyway because occasionally I've had to count on those friendships to get me thru hard times, and they have had to count on me. I fill in the social gaps by spending time with family and friends who are much younger and older than myself, and I don't feel like such a 'loser' as I did when I was younger. But I'm still looking for ways to meet people, it's hard these days.
Don't be hard on yourself, get counseling becuase it NEVER hurts to talk it out with someone, and when you do meet people you can be that fun person you know you are rather than using your friends as your therapist (trust me on that).
Just a general observation but the 2 hardest times in life that I've seen are the ages of Middle School and the ages of about 18 to 23.
Usually for most people, life & maturity really kicks into a higher level around the age of 24 or so. At your age there are still a lot of questions and instability about the future.
For most people, as you age you develop a little more wisdom to handle what life throws your way. It should come around for you also.
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Maybe its because my Aunt (May God rest her soul in peace, God Willingly) passed away at 2:00 pm in the afternoon and I found out 3 hours later. She was warm, kind and really, really friendly. She was six weeks pregnant and has a beautiful (thank God) 2 year old child. She passed away because of a sudden heart attack, the doctors couldn't explain why. When I arrived at my other aunts house (everyone gathered there because its bigger ), I walked in sad hello to everyone kiss on the cheek (normal greeting ) for relatives I hadn't seen seen in a long time, and when I got to my uncle... I just shook his hand, I accidentally called him my other unless name and I quickly corrected myself , said his name and then said..'sorry' . I don't know whats wrong with me, I look at people straight in the ey when I talk to them; I carry on conversations normally and crack a few jokes. But sometimes I can be a damn freak without knowing why or how I managed to embarrass myself in a such a delicate situation. I couldn't bare to look at my 2 year old cousin, shes so beautiful, innocent and unaware that her mother has passed. When she smiled at me I thought I was going to ry and when she tried to paly with I just smiled meekly and handed her toy back when it fell, my cousin was sitting right next to us. She noticed this and distracted my younger cousin. I was thankful. I had asked my mother what happened, my mother was meant to tell me except she was looking at my cousin as she spoke. I feel inadequate in my mothers eyes but then she's my heroes when things get tough she always bails me out.
