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Old 11-20-2009, 10:15 AM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,154,156 times
Reputation: 1452

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Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
Is this a private Thanksgiving dinner you're going to and to which this woman has also been invited? I don't understand for the life of me why you would "rethink" those plans at all - and possibly put out a host who's counting on your being there. You were miffed that this person didn't attend YOUR dinner but now you'd consider going ahead and doing pretty much what she did?

I think you're making way too much of all this and over-analyzing it to death. This person doesn't have good manners, obviously, but to make a Federal case out of it is really quite silly.
My friend will have other people over for Thanksgiving. She'll be ok. My friend coming tomorrow would be otherwise alone on Thanksgiving, so I think it's better I just spend it with him.

PLUS, and this is slightly big, but my visiting friend told me that he was hit up for money by my friend. The two haven't ever met. I merely gave my friend here his phone number as he's had a certain experience in helping people in her situation. At any rate, NOT good. Granted, my friend here was drunk at the time, but still...not good. I'd like to keep everyone apart at this point.
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:20 AM
 
25,947 posts, read 25,878,738 times
Reputation: 26678
Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
Thursday, just what is your issue? You seem to be in these threads constantly. You vacillate between being a reasonable person to someone with an axe to grind. I don't get it. Oh, and how is it you go digging up other threads? Frankly, it's downright WEIRD. Honestly, OCD much?
I am a reasonable person and you just posted that thread recently in the past few days and it says a lot about your own personality and is quite pertinent to your ability to judge other people.

My point is that you are condemning this woman for her relationship and you are the one that 'put up with' an abusive relationship and went psycho with your own behavior and maybe you might want to step back and look at that while you are judging someone else. Quite possible that you might have rubbed her the wrong way with the way you handle yourself and she found your behavior to be the irratating as you said about her own. No axe just a dose of reality to think about.
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:22 AM
 
Location: North Shore Long Island
7,736 posts, read 13,967,370 times
Reputation: 10544
Ok, this whole "friend" business is starting to sound like Who's On First. I'm totally confused!!! LOL
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 12,707,769 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheImportersWife View Post
Ok, this whole "friend" business is starting to sound like Who's On First. I'm totally confused!!! LOL
Who! LOL
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:32 AM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,154,156 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
I am a reasonable person and you just posted that thread recently in the past few days and it says a lot about your own personality and is quite pertinent to your ability to judge other people.

My point is that you are condemning this woman for her relationship and you are the one that 'put up with' an abusive relationship and went psycho with your own behavior and maybe you might want to step back and look at that while you are judging someone else. Quite possible that you might have rubbed her the wrong way with the way you handle yourself and she found your behavior to be the irratating as you said about her own. No axe just a dose of reality to think about.
Fair enough, but I have little patience for someone who uses someone financially and refuses to work herself. How do I know this? Because the last time I was with this group she mentioned she had a thing for this other guy and didn't want the guy she gets money from to get wind of it. Of course she added she doesn't sleep with the guy she uses for money - just takes his money and secretly wants one of his friends.

Also, in this particular circle there is a history of meth, crack use and homelessness. Now I don't want to be judgmental, but given the fact my friend of 10 years was just hit up for money, call me very wary.

People can and do reform, but I still don't know I want to get too chummy with my friend's friends.
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:43 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,710 posts, read 22,767,205 times
Reputation: 17461
All this started out as a dinner that wasn't RSVP'd by a friend of a friend.

What you'd really like to hear, is yes you have the perfect right to be p*ssed
off. I think Thanksgiving day would be the perfect time to start some
drama, go ahead ruin everyones day, no problem , give your child the
finest memories.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:01 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,154,156 times
Reputation: 1452
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
All this started out as a dinner that wasn't RSVP'd by a friend of a friend.

What you'd really like to hear, is yes you have the perfect right to be p*ssed
off. I think Thanksgiving day would be the perfect time to start some
drama, go ahead ruin everyones day, no problem , give your child the
finest memories.
I don't have a child and, no, not interested in any drama. I am just going to keep my distance from things going forward. I'll have my friend visit me and just detach from the other situation. I'll be happy to support my friend and be there for her, and I sure hope she doesn't end up on the streets. You know the saying...birds of a feather flock together? Well, maybe this is why I started this thread. I don't want to end up getting dragged down and have this very uneasy feeling about everything.

Yes, this thread did start out with one thing and end up with another thing. That *is* why we run things by other people. In doing so, it can clarify what to do.

Thanks for everyone's input!
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Old 11-20-2009, 08:28 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 55,573,739 times
Reputation: 26421
Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
My friend will have other people over for Thanksgiving. She'll be ok. My friend coming tomorrow would be otherwise alone on Thanksgiving, so I think it's better I just spend it with him.

PLUS, and this is slightly big, but my visiting friend told me that he was hit up for money by my friend. The two haven't ever met. I merely gave my friend here his phone number as he's had a certain experience in helping people in her situation. At any rate, NOT good. Granted, my friend here was drunk at the time, but still...not good. I'd like to keep everyone apart at this point.
Well that's really cavalier - not. If you had accepted an invitation from me to join me and others for a holiday celebration I naturally would cater based on accepted invitations and set a grand table accordingly. If you opted out at the last minute because you had a friend in town who had nowhere to go then I would be the good hostess and insist that your friend join in and would set an extra place.

I would assume that if for any reason you had some particular gripe with any of my invited guests who you either knew about beforehand or learned about when you walked through the door and saw them, that you would be sufficiently imbued with a sufficient degree of diplomacy to be able to deal with their presence in a ladylike manner.

I'd also like to mention your response to poster Thursday007's remark about another of your threads. You were miffed that Thursday007 had the temerity to bring up one of your recent threads.

When you post on CD or any other legitimate internet forum, your posts are there for all to see in perpetuity and readily available for all to see at the click of a mouse.

One can easily determine a poster's basic mindset by what they write and Thursday007 did exactly what I sometimes do, as in looking at previous posts and threads in an effort to determine where this person is coming from, why they think as they do and how they got to where they are with some rather skewed thought processes which are so disparate from mine. Cheers!
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Old 11-21-2009, 02:11 AM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,154,156 times
Reputation: 1452
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
Well that's really cavalier - not. If you had accepted an invitation from me to join me and others for a holiday celebration I naturally would cater based on accepted invitations and set a grand table accordingly. If you opted out at the last minute because you had a friend in town who had nowhere to go then I would be the good hostess and insist that your friend join in and would set an extra place.

I would assume that if for any reason you had some particular gripe with any of my invited guests who you either knew about beforehand or learned about when you walked through the door and saw them, that you would be sufficiently imbued with a sufficient degree of diplomacy to be able to deal with their presence in a ladylike manner.

I'd also like to mention your response to poster Thursday007's remark about another of your threads. You were miffed that Thursday007 had the temerity to bring up one of your recent threads.

When you post on CD or any other legitimate internet forum, your posts are there for all to see in perpetuity and readily available for all to see at the click of a mouse.

One can easily determine a poster's basic mindset by what they write and Thursday007 did exactly what I sometimes do, as in looking at previous posts and threads in an effort to determine where this person is coming from, why they think as they do and how they got to where they are with some rather skewed thought processes which are so disparate from mine. Cheers!
Well, cheers back to you! My comment is valid. It is odd to go hunt through someone else's posts unless there is a compelling reason to do so - as a shrink might do. None of us are shrinks and, quite frankly, STT, I'd consider myself to be a bit "stalkerish" to go look through your post history. While you are a valued contributor here, you are simply not that important to me personally - as should be the case. If my motive were to help you, that would be a different thing perhaps. If my motive were to dredge up something to make you look bad, that would be another case.

As to a "place setting," there are no place settings in this particular situation. I was to bring my own dish - lasagne. Considering I just had these people over for lasagne this past weekend, I think they can survive without more lasagne. And let's not forget the fact that my friend's roommate has a thing for me and I am NOT trying to encourage that in any way, shape, or form. While a lovely person, I do not need the additional headache. And while it was lovely for him to bring me flowers and call me the next day, he spent just a wee bit too much thought and money on said flowers. Again, do not need the headache.

As to my friend potentially inviting my visiting guest - Ms. Manners says it is highly inappropriate to hit my visiting friend up for money and then call him the next night and leave a rambling and incoherent message in an altered state of mind, which is what took place. I am sorry, but this is not acceptable. This is a huge part of my wanting to distance myself. If she needs to call someone to do so, it should be ME - not a friend of mine she has never met and who was simply gracious enough to try to help her. He was a professional counselor (not a bank) for many years so I thought I was doing my friend here a favor. The truth is I crossed boundaries and my friend here did not have the good sense or enough sense while getting drunk to not cross said boundaries.

So herein lies the conundrum of posting on forums and delivering arm-chair advice. You see but oh so wee of the picture yet conduct yourself in a way which would suggest you have all the facts - which you do clearly not.

Have a wonderful day!
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Old 11-21-2009, 02:29 AM
 
Location: Kingsport Tennessee
147 posts, read 282,788 times
Reputation: 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post

I really like my friend. It's just I am not sure I should associate with my friend's friends, which makes things tricky.
There is nothing that says you have to associate with your friend's friends.

As far as Thanksgiving goes-kill her with kindness, anything less and you will look like the bad guy. Just my opinion.
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