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Old 01-31-2011, 07:56 PM
 
6,041 posts, read 11,451,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stumbler. View Post
I'm not quite there yet -- I'm still in my 20s. We would be roughly the same age, I'd guess. We weren't really close friends, moreso classmates who ran into each other on campus and had some conversation occasionally.

So it was more of the attitude that surprised me -- if you would block a person in response to a single comment of four or five sentences that wasn't even a personal attack*. without messaging back to complain or comment why, why bother to friend me in the first place (I know lots of people friend as many of their old classmates as possible and keep in touch for the sake of it so they're not taken as seriously; nonetheless I still can't relate to her behaviour).

*(It was not really a political or controversial statement anyways, more like "Hey! I find your video incredibly distasteful! It mocks people who contribute great value to society! blah blah blah " -- though I don't have the original comment now obviously)
Maybe she didn't realize you were joking. But it was still over the top for her to block you.

That reminds me of another poster on city data. She deleted someone on facebook then he sent her a message asking why she deleted him. Instead of answering the message, she blocked him. I thought that was over the top too.

This goes back to my post where I said the internet makes people weak. Before the internet, you couldn't block someone when you were talking to them in person.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Toronto
3,295 posts, read 7,002,275 times
Reputation: 2425
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamCharger1985 View Post
Dude, you really need to get a hobby. There was some woman in the UK who had around 1100 friends on her facebook site. She posted a suicide bulletin, and not ONE of her 1100 facebook friends helped her. They left her to die, and some even mocked her on her status thingy. That goes to show that most people who are say that they are your "friend" aren't really your friend at all.

I have less than 5 people on my facebook site that I can actually say would help me if I were down & out (not counting family). The rest of the people on my list, I wouldn't even notice if they were gone, in fact the way I look at it is its one less a**hole who has my contact info, cuz they'll only contact me if they need or want something.

Facebook suicide: None of Simone Back's 1,082 online friends helped her | Mail Online
That's sad.
 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Toronto
3,295 posts, read 7,002,275 times
Reputation: 2425
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
This goes back to my post where I said the internet makes people weak. Before the internet, you couldn't block someone when you were talking to them in person.
I somewhat agree. The internet can make people act rudely or cowardly, although it doesn't have to.

It can be a great tool for good (ie. long-lost friends finding each other, or offer life-changing advice who anonymously seeks help on a forum) but people have to make it/treat it that way. I just read on the Wikipedia article about City-data "In 2010, because of a post on the People Search forum, mother and son reunited 17 years after the son was kidnapped."
 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:26 PM
 
4,533 posts, read 8,323,230 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy View Post
The other side of the coin: before Facebook, people had to earn friendships in person, put in real effort to go out and keep in touch, not make a "friend" with the click of a button.

There's not really any equivalent of "unfriending" in real life. People go their different ways, or the friendship ends with a huge argument, or both parties just know it's not a friendship worth maintaining. Facebook friendships, especially when you've got a friend list in the hundreds, are much more superficial. If you don't know the person that well, it's awkward to go and tell them "Hey, I'm deleting you", because it might very well come off as "I don't like you", no matter what reason you give. "I just want to keep my friend list down" could be heard as "I'm not good enough to make the cut", and both people end up feeling weird. People delete for reasons other than simply not liking them.

If you are real friends - offline and on - then it's a different story, and it would be considerate to let them know why you are pruning them from your list. But seriously, do you really have 1000 "real friends"?
Darn it, I saw that you defriended me. I already told you the friend check is in the mail, just give it a couple of days.
 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:30 PM
 
6,041 posts, read 11,451,844 times
Reputation: 2385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy View Post
The other side of the coin: before Facebook, people had to earn friendships in person, put in real effort to go out and keep in touch, not make a "friend" with the click of a button.

There's not really any equivalent of "unfriending" in real life. People go their different ways, or the friendship ends with a huge argument, or both parties just know it's not a friendship worth maintaining. Facebook friendships, especially when you've got a friend list in the hundreds, are much more superficial. If you don't know the person that well, it's awkward to go and tell them "Hey, I'm deleting you", because it might very well come off as "I don't like you", no matter what reason you give. "I just want to keep my friend list down" could be heard as "I'm not good enough to make the cut", and both people end up feeling weird. People delete for reasons other than simply not liking them.

If you are real friends - offline and on - then it's a different story, and it would be considerate to let them know why you are pruning them from your list. But seriously, do you really have 1000 "real friends"?
I actually agree with you somewhat. It took more effort to be a friend before facebook. But it also took more effort to stop being a friend. If you wanted to let someone know you're no longer friends, you had to tell them.

I think facebook creates a grey area as far as friends are concerned. A lot of people have friends on facebook that aren't actually friends. I admit that. Before facebook, it was more clear who was your friend, and you didn't need facebook to confirm that you're friends with someone.

I might be young, but I was alive before facebook. I didn't use facebook until halfway through high school.

But anyway, the guy that deleted me recently was actually a friend, not just a random person I was facebook friends with. I have no idea at all why he would delete me. If facebook didn't exist, we would still be friends. But facebook complicates things when friends delete you for no apparent reason. That being said, there are certain circumstances when I can understand why someone deleted me.

He's a geology major and I made a joke about how he probably wants to have sex with rocks. But that was back in September or October. I doubt the joke just got back to him now. Our circles of friends overlap, and there's been a lot of fighting lately, but I stay out of it so I doubt that has anything to do with why he deleted me.

If this is how it's gonna be, I'm better off without him. Our friendship in real life is done.

And I don't know if you read the part where I said there's another guy he deleted...someone that's in the military and doesn't see him anymore. The fact that he deleted his friend that's in the military says something about his character. This guy is 21. He should be mature enough to realize that your friends don't see you anymore when they join the military. He wants to end a friendship over that? They used to be good friends. The guy in the military still uses facebook from time to time and makes an effort to stay in touch with people. I don't even like the guy that joined the military. I got into a fight with him and I was happy he left. But even I kept him as a friend.
 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:37 PM
 
6,041 posts, read 11,451,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stumbler. View Post
I somewhat agree. The internet can make people act rudely or cowardly, although it doesn't have to.
What was her video you commented on about anyway?
 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Toronto
3,295 posts, read 7,002,275 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
Before facebook, it was more clear who was your friend, and you didn't need facebook to confirm that you're friends with someone.
In my opinion, some of the issue is that Facebook's choice of wording "friends".

I wonder if Facebook had originally not called it friends and called it "contacts" or some more social network-sounding term, people would react differently.

I wonder if people would felt the same way on other social networking media pre-Facebook. For instance, an email contact list or instant messaging. (I grew up through high school using the online chat "msn messenger" which is a little over a decade old now and it was there that "blocking" and the equivalent of adding/deleting friends first came to my attention).
 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Toronto
3,295 posts, read 7,002,275 times
Reputation: 2425
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
What was her video you commented on about anyway?
Oh, it was something making fun of the uselessness of those in academia (you know, where it's portrayed as a waste of government funding for geeky pursuits like analysing medieval poetry).

It's almost funny that it'd provoke a blocking/unfriending.
 
Old 01-31-2011, 09:00 PM
 
6,041 posts, read 11,451,844 times
Reputation: 2385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stumbler. View Post
In my opinion, some of the issue is that Facebook's choice of wording "friends".

I wonder if Facebook had originally not called it friends and called it "contacts" or some more social network-sounding term, people would react differently.

I wonder if people would felt the same way on other social networking media pre-Facebook. For instance, an email contact list or instant messaging. (I grew up through high school using the online chat "msn messenger" which is a little over a decade old now and it was there that "blocking" and the equivalent of adding/deleting friends first came to my attention).
You might be onto something. Sometimes I remove a cell phone contact if I realize I don't need the number anymore. But cell phones have a specific purpose...to call/text. If you're not going to call/text someone, you don't need their number.

But facebook is different. You don't need to interact with all your facebook friends, so it's not a big deal to be facebook friends with someone you never (or rarely) talk to. But it's more personal to delete someone on facebook because you're "unfriending" instead of "removing someone from your cell phone contacts."

Since facebook uses the word unfriending, it makes it sound like you don't want to be friends with someone when you delete them.

AOL Instant Messenger was popular when I was younger. I remember people using it as early as 5th grade (maybe sooner). In 5th to 7th grade, I remember people removing someone from their buddy list if they got into a fight. I thought it was funny and trivial at the time because I didn't use AIM yet. I didn't start using AIM until the summer between middle school and high school. And I barely use it anymore. Sometimes I log on just to see if anyone's online. But no one I want to talk to is ever online. It's not very popular anymore.
 
Old 02-01-2011, 06:41 AM
 
4,803 posts, read 10,152,731 times
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I delete people off my Facebook who have bigoted views about the World. I delete them because I don't want all that hate all over my Facebook wall. I want people who aren't hateful of others on my facebook. All I look for is peace and people who spread hate about certain groups of people or minorities or whatever do not deserve my friendship. I find people like that to be rude and I don't like that.
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