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Old 05-15-2007, 11:54 PM
 
1,007 posts, read 212,745 times
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Hello All -

I hope I'm in the right forum here, but I do have an obstacle I've yet to overcome. My mom is 75. She feels it's disrespectful for those younger than her to call her by her 1st name. I've always introducted her by her 1st name to friends/boyfriends, as I feel odd saying "Mike/Mary, this is Mrs. X." She's my mother. How can I introduce her in such an odd way? For goodness' sake, my sister & I call her "Maaaaaaaaah". Geesh! She's let me know on more than one occasion that she doesn't appreciate being addressed in such a distrespectful way by friends/boyfriends. I've had to speak to them after the fact to tell them so that in future encounters they should use Mrs. X. They're fine with it, but how do I initially introduce them?

I have a friend visiting from FR who will be meeting her for the 1st time this weekend. How do I handle this? Tell my friend beforehand that her name is Mrs. X & then just say to my mom "This is Mary" & let my friend address her as Mrs. X?

I don't want to insult my mom, but, I also don't want to introduce them in such an awkward way "Mary, this is Mrs. X"... Suggestions? Abbie, where are you? I mean Mrs. Abbie... er, Ms. Abbie... Oh, Geesh!

Thank you... VV
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Old 05-16-2007, 12:00 AM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 334,136 times
Reputation: 685
I have never introduced my Mother that way...Sometimes all I say is this is my Mom...then my friend calls her Mom too...the little town I grew up in, everyone knew who we were even if they weren't friends of ours...it would have been redundant to say this is Mrs. whoever...

Here in Florida, I have introduced her as first name, last name...I don't use the Mrs. thing at all.

Maybe my family is just very informal, I think its the Texas thing...

My boyfriends, my husband, my friends from school, all were invited to call her Mom, some didn't and called Mrs. last name.
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Old 05-16-2007, 12:16 AM
 
1,007 posts, read 212,745 times
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Thank you for sharing, Lisa. You always have good advice, my dear. How's that li'l baby of yours?

My family is very formal. But, you've given me another option, which is to introduce her as "Mary X". I can tell my friend beforehand to call her "Mrs. X". So, that might just do it.

For instance, it drives me nuts that my nieces call me "Aunt V". I tell them to just call me "V". They always say "We're not allowed to." You have to understand that my family isn't American. I'm 1st born! (Yeah!) So, "respectful" rules differ for others. I understand. We're all different. They consider me too informal. No worries.

If someone called her "Mom" she'd abruptly leave the room. My brother's wife calls her mom. It REALLY bothers her. I can't judge. She's from a different country, different generation & different culture. That's fine. To be honest, I guess I'm just trying to make it easier for ME! I'm the one who doesn't know what to say.

But, this may work. Thank you, Lisa. Or should I say Ms. Lisa? Ah, Mrs. Lisa?

I'd love to hear other options, too.

Thank you so much... V... Just V...
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Old 05-16-2007, 12:19 AM
 
Location: Mississippi
3,927 posts, read 5,713,687 times
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I must be getting old.

When I introduced my mom as a teen I introduced her as my mom.
I still do that to this day, but my friends call her Mrs. and she usually tells them to call her by her first name.
It is a Southern thing I guess, we are taught from the time we can walk to be polite and to respect our elders.

When I meet someone new that is older than I am, I always use the formal use of their name. If they want me to call them somethng different, then they will say so.
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Old 05-16-2007, 12:32 AM
 
1,007 posts, read 212,745 times
Reputation: 656
Quote:
Originally Posted by aiangel_writer View Post
I must be getting old.

When I introduced my mom as a teen I introduced her as my mom.
I still do that to this day, but my friends call her Mrs. and she usually tells them to call her by her first name.
It is a Southern thing I guess, we are taught from the time we can walk to be polite and to respect our elders.

When I meet someone new that is older than I am, I always use the formal use of their name. If they want me to call them somethng different, then they will say so.
Thank you Angel. I address elders similarly. My mother often refers to my neighbors by their 1st names, as they're her age, but I never know whom she's talking about, as I refer to them as Mr. & Mrs. X. It's not necessarily a southern thing. For many Americans/Europeans it's a generational thing. For others born in other countries, there's a "proper" way to address elders.

I just want to know how to initially introduce her. Her culture teaches her not to correct anyone, but, she'll tell me later how offended she was. That's her way & that's the way it is. There's no right or wrong. I then instruct my friend to call her Mrs. X, when all along the problem was me. I didn't initially introduce her correctly... VV
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Old 05-16-2007, 12:37 AM
 
Location: Mississippi
3,927 posts, read 5,713,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KittensPurr View Post
I just want to know how to initially introduce her. Her culture teaches her not to correct anyone, but, she'll tell me later how offended she was. That's her way & that's the way it is. There's no right or wrong. I then instruct my friend to call her Mrs. X, when all along the problem was me. I didn't initially introduce her correctly... VV

Maybe you can talk with your friend before she/he arrives and explain your mothers background and a bit about the culture. I then would introduce her as 'my mother' and your friend would simply take it from there with something like, Nice to meet you Mrs. X. I cannot see how your mother would be upset with that. If she is, then by all means, introduce her : This is my mother, Mrs. X.

and thanks for the thank you.
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Old 05-16-2007, 01:10 AM
 
1,007 posts, read 212,745 times
Reputation: 656
Quote:
Originally Posted by aiangel_writer View Post
Maybe you can talk with your friend before she/he arrives and explain your mothers background and a bit about the culture. I then would introduce her as 'my mother' and your friend would simply take it from there with something like, Nice to meet you Mrs. X. I cannot see how your mother would be upset with that. If she is, then by all means, introduce her : This is my mother, Mrs. X.

and thanks for the thank you.
My pleasure. Yep, Angel, you & Lisa have the answer! Thank you. I think the most important thing is to speak to my friend before, rather than after, as I normally do. Then, no matter what I call her, my friend will address her as "Mrs. X", as I've kindly asked her to do.

You two are awesome! See, the problem was me, not "Maaaaaaaaah"...

Thanks again, Angel. Your name fits, my dear.
Have a wonderful week... VV
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Old 05-16-2007, 01:58 AM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 334,136 times
Reputation: 685
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittensPurr View Post
Thank you for sharing, Lisa. You always have good advice, my dear. How's that li'l baby of yours?

My family is very formal. But, you've given me another option, which is to introduce her as "Mary X". I can tell my friend beforehand to call her "Mrs. X". So, that might just do it.

For instance, it drives me nuts that my nieces call me "Aunt V". I tell them to just call me "V". They always say "We're not allowed to." You have to understand that my family isn't American. I'm 1st born! (Yeah!) So, "respectful" rules differ for others. I understand. We're all different. They consider me too informal. No worries.

If someone called her "Mom" she'd abruptly leave the room. My brother's wife calls her mom. It REALLY bothers her. I can't judge. She's from a different country, different generation & different culture. That's fine. To be honest, I guess I'm just trying to make it easier for ME! I'm the one who doesn't know what to say.

But, this may work. Thank you, Lisa. Or should I say Ms. Lisa? Ah, Mrs. Lisa?

I'd love to hear other options, too.

Thank you so much... V... Just V...
My little baby is 10 years old now, she is up to my shoulder...she is close to being able to wear my shoes...I fear this is a sign she is really going to reach the 6 foot mark doctors have predicted for her.

I understand now, I think the biggest thing is not to offend your Mother, obviously things were done different in her time, thats a small thing to ask that people show that respect for her.
My parents while well known where I came from, were VERY casual people in this way...well my Mom at least, I don't know that any people called my Dad the same, most of my friends were just a wee bit affraid of my DAD...kind of funny when I look back at it.
I think my neices refer to me as Aunt Lisa or my Aunt Lisa when talking to other people but when they talk to me they just call me Lisa.

In your family did you have unusual names for your grandmothers?? My daughter calls my Mom, Grandma, when she was too little to say that, she called her Cranny, it was SO cute...I called my grandmother Nani...She called my Father PaPa...

I'm pretty informal, you can call me Lisa...I probably won't answer to B***h or anything like that though.
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Old 05-16-2007, 02:07 AM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
14,951 posts, read 25,147,763 times
Reputation: 13152
I always called introduced my Mom as...my Mom...but my Dad...I introduce as Pete (nickname). We worked together for a few years on the rigs. I always asked guys have you seen Pete? They would always ask me why I called him Pete and not Dad! Cause I'm a grown man and I would feel weird asking guys hey have you seen my Dad. Made me feel...like 10 or something.
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Old 05-16-2007, 02:11 AM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 334,136 times
Reputation: 685
I never felt that way...I still at 40 refer to them as my Mother and Father...actually Mom and Dad. I think my Father would have fallen over had I ever called him by his first name...

My daughter went through a phase when she was 2-3 when she called me by my first name AND with the same tone of annoyance my Mother used...it was kind of annoying AND funny at the same time.

I am adopted so I do call my birth Mother by her first name...rather then Mom.

I still think my reaction had alot to do with whoever I would be talking to would KNOW who they were...who I was in relation to them...
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