What is wrong with people these days?!?! (person, conversation, meeting)

[mcb1025]

I just need to vent, so here goes. I moved across country last summer, as it was necessary to find a job after school. Since living in this new location, I have found it to be extremely difficult to establish any kind of meaningful friendship. It seems everyone is so caught up in their own thing that they don't bother to extend a friendly gesture your way. At first, I blamed it on the region. Maybe people are just different here, less friendly. Though this may be true, I'm starting to think that it's just people in general. I try to be positive and optimistic, but I'm reluctantly coming to the conclusion that people just f***ing suck.

I've done everything. I've gone to church. Church folk just want to use you so they can do their sales pitch as to why you should devote your life to their Lord. You are nothing more than a statistic to them, someone they can claim to have brought to salvation. I've gone to community organizations. The people are more laid back there, but they could give two s**ts about hanging out with you outside of the group. I've talked to people at work. They tend to be friendlier than the rest, but they offer nothing substantial in terms of friendship. More or less beer buds. I feel like I've exhausted all of my options. I've met with so many people. I'm tired of having to tell everyone my story, how I got here, what I do for work, what I like to do for fun. I feel like a broken record.

Now, everyone claims that they are the exception. "Oh, I don't do that" or "Those people are just not worth being around". NOOOOOO!!! IT IS YOU THAT ISN'T WORTH BEING AROUND! AND YES, YOU DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS! What the he11 is wrong with people these days? Why is it SO difficult to establish any kind of sincere friendship? Was it always this difficult?

[MAtheBanker]

I think you need a SERIOUS change of attitude. You'd be surprised with how what you feel inside translates to body language and actions. If you hate small talk (I'm the same way) then the girl who comes up to you to small talk will sense that and probably end up going the other way.

I know this is extremely cliche, but if you're pissed off at the world, it's going to be a miserable world--but if you change your attitude, things will start falling into place. It's not the region. I promise. Everywhere has good people, you just need to change your thinking so you can find them easier.

[virgode]

Join groups where ppl have common interest..... have anger issues?

[samston]

I guess making friends in adulthood is hard.

But don't let it get you down. find people of like mind and go from there. join a club based on your interests.

[cricket_factor]

I feel your frustration coming through the screen!

What about this - have you tried something like this? Put in your zipcode to see what is near you.

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com

You could also try volunteering somewhere. Get out of yourself and focus on others for the time being til something changes.

[wigirl920]

Originally Posted by MAtheBanker

I think you need a SERIOUS change of attitude. You'd be surprised with how what you feel inside translates to body language and actions. If you hate small talk (I'm the same way) then the girl who comes up to you to small talk will sense that and probably end up going the other way.

I know this is extremely cliche, but if you're pissed off at the world, it's going to be a miserable world--but if you change your attitude, things will start falling into place. It's not the region. I promise. Everywhere has good people, you just need to change your thinking so you can find them easier.

I totally agree with this. OP, just imagine if you were talking to someone in your new community and asked them a question and they sighed, rolled their eyes and spoke like they've said the same thing a million times. I'm not saying you're doing that but if that's how you feel it will surely come across in how you react.

It is truly all about attitude. If you keep telling yourself that you will never find any friends, you won't. Simple as that.

UrbanBlasphemy started a great thread with several ideas of how to meet people. Though you may have already tried some of these maybe you'll get some other ideas. It's worth checking out: Meeting new people..

[CTownNative]

Originally Posted by mcb1025

I just need to vent, so here goes. I moved across country last summer, as it was necessary to find a job after school. Since living in this new location, I have found it to be extremely difficult to establish any kind of meaningful friendship. It seems everyone is so caught up in their own thing that they don't bother to extend a friendly gesture your way. At first, I blamed it on the region. Maybe people are just different here, less friendly. Though this may be true, I'm starting to think that it's just people in general. I try to be positive and optimistic, but I'm reluctantly coming to the conclusion that people just f***ing suck.

I've done everything. I've gone to church. Church folk just want to use you so they can do their sales pitch as to why you should devote your life to their Lord. You are nothing more than a statistic to them, someone they can claim to have brought to salvation. I've gone to community organizations. The people are more laid back there, but they could give two s**ts about hanging out with you outside of the group. I've talked to people at work. They tend to be friendlier than the rest, but they offer nothing substantial in terms of friendship. More or less beer buds. I feel like I've exhausted all of my options. I've met with so many people. I'm tired of having to tell everyone my story, how I got here, what I do for work, what I like to do for fun. I feel like a broken record.

Now, everyone claims that they are the exception. "Oh, I don't do that" or "Those people are just not worth being around". NOOOOOO!!! IT IS YOU THAT ISN'T WORTH BEING AROUND! AND YES, YOU DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS! What the he11 is wrong with people these days? Why is it SO difficult to establish any kind of sincere friendship? Was it always this difficult?

You know what, I can totally agree with you. People don't want to make new friends anymore. I try and reconnect with people I use to know in school on facebook, and they don't even bother ever trying to continue a conversation with me, that of course I always start. I'd recomend to you what people on city-data have siad to me. Volunteer more, and join tons of groups. Im hopeing it works out for me. It could work out for anyone who gives it a try. Good luck.

[mcb1025]

I'm typically not an angry person. It wasn't until this past year that I've developed these sentiments. When I go out to meet new people, I always try to come across well. When I talk to new people, I maintain eye contact, I am polite, etc. I am genuinely interested in what they are saying and I make this clear by asking follow up questions and attempting to add more to the topic. I am not hostile towards anyone. I do not roll my eyes when talking to them. It's all smiles from me. My original post was just me venting, not a reflection of who I am.

If anything, I am the complete opposite of these descriptions. I have always been willing to go out of my way for someone else when I am able to. When they ask me to help out at a homeless shelter, I'm there. When they ask if I can take them to the airport, I'm there. But more and more I feel like once they get what they want out of me, it's the to curb I go. Is this generally how people respond to kindness and hospitality these days?

[wigirl920]

Originally Posted by mcb1025

I'm typically not an angry person. It wasn't until this past year that I've developed these sentiments. When I go out to meet new people, I always try to come across well. When I talk to new people, I maintain eye contact, I am polite, etc. I am genuinely interested in what they are saying and I make this clear by asking follow up questions and attempting to add more to the topic. I am not hostile towards anyone. I do not roll my eyes when talking to them. It's all smiles from me. My original post was just me venting, not a reflection of who I am.

If anything, I am the complete opposite of these descriptions. I have always been willing to go out of my way for someone else when I am able to. When they ask me to help out at a homeless shelter, I'm there. When they ask if I can take them to the airport, I'm there. But more and more I feel like once they get what they want out of me, it's the to curb I go. Is this generally how people respond to kindness and hospitality these days?

Well sure, you're never going to get rid of that. But you shouldn't worry about those people because they are not the kinds of friends you want anyway. There are plenty of people who would respond just the opposite and be appreciative.

It's good that you volunteer and help people out but don't worry about them kicking you to the curb. Feel good that you've done something good - that's all that really matters, right? Who cares what anyone else thinks or does

[cricket_factor]

Originally Posted by mcb1025

I'm typically not an angry person. It wasn't until this past year that I've developed these sentiments. When I go out to meet new people, I always try to come across well. When I talk to new people, I maintain eye contact, I am polite, etc. I am genuinely interested in what they are saying and I make this clear by asking follow up questions and attempting to add more to the topic. I am not hostile towards anyone. I do not roll my eyes when talking to them. It's all smiles from me. My original post was just me venting, not a reflection of who I am.

If anything, I am the complete opposite of these descriptions. I have always been willing to go out of my way for someone else when I am able to. When they ask me to help out at a homeless shelter, I'm there. When they ask if I can take them to the airport, I'm there. But more and more I feel like once they get what they want out of me, it's the to curb I go. Is this generally how people respond to kindness and hospitality these days?

Well, then do it in a more organized setting - the helping, that is. Some people do want to take advantage - or some can't or don't know how to reciprocate. You want to spend time with people like yourself, not just "takers."

I would try and find one of those meet-up groups that do fun things together, unless you're looking for a date - then try and find a speed-dating group.

But sounds like you need to have fun. I agree, helping the random person or neighbor out isn't always the way to go. But if you do it for an organization, you might get a better helper's high rather than help someone randomly or someone who wants to take advantage of you.

The reason I suggest the meetups is that you will find the same kind of people like yourself wanting to put themselves out there to meet others like you. You are all there for a common goal - to meet others in the same boat.

Good luck.