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Old 12-02-2009, 07:18 AM
 
Location: 2nd state in the union...
2,382 posts, read 4,583,030 times
Reputation: 1616

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BangBangShrimp View Post
I was with her all night, so I know they didn't talk. I brought along several guests and the only person he talked to was me because he doesn't know them. They don't live in the same town, so they wouldn't run into each other anywhere. She and I hang out with completely different kinds of people, so my friends have always been separate from hers. I have not brought this issue up with her yet because I'd rather discuss it with him first. I think he'd be more likely to see my point.

And yes, my friend has many other female friends on his profile, and I don't care at all. In fact, most of the people on his friends list are female.
So then really, what is the big deal? They don't even live in the same town. Does it really matter THAT much to you who he chooses to be "friends" with online? Do you expect all of your friends to accept or deny friend requests based on what you feel about that particular person?

When you do bring this up to your guy friend, I would caution you to tread lightly because while this may be a huge issue to you, it probably won't be for him. I only say that because if it was, he wouldn't have added her to begin with. Will it make a difference to you if he made the friend request? Will you ask him to remove her?

I will leave you with some food for thought, a couple of quotes from another Facebook-related thread:

Quote:
I understand that social networking sites have the potential to cause drama in relationships.
Quote:
I respect his privacy and understand that social networking sites can cause unnecessary drama.
Those were things you said, by the way, on another thread you started with a different FB issue you were having. Perhaps you should sit back and think about what you've said in the past and how you are feeling now.....
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Old 12-02-2009, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,730,513 times
Reputation: 19861
I wonder why people need facebook in their lives when all of their "friends" live in the same town. You could avoid all this drama by (a) not recording every detail of your daily life on facebook and (b) spending that time actually being with these people and enjoying their company. I get that it's a useful tool for keeping in touch with distant friends and relatives and getting caught up with folks from your past, but honestly, there is way too much emphasis placed on facebook and I see more drama on these threads in regard to facebook friends than actual friends. If you feel compelled to play detective with other people's facebook friends then it's probably something that you need less of in your life.
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Old 12-02-2009, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,200 posts, read 18,333,909 times
Reputation: 6655
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aptor hours View Post
I have to say this....that is a totally retarded concern
Quote:
Originally Posted by wigirl920 View Post
I'm sorry, but you sound like a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
Yes, but more important, you're acting crazy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
OP, you are being ridiculously selfish, and immature.
you have no right to attempt to control who befriends who.

grow up, move on, and find a real issue to care about.
I agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dvcgal View Post
If you can't handle facebook, I would suggest not using facebook.
Best advice ever!
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Old 12-02-2009, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
881 posts, read 2,247,974 times
Reputation: 943
Ok you have to be trolling haha

Truthfully I don't take the term "friend" literally. It's a social networking site. They've met and mutually agreed to add each other.

For example I met a guy at a bar through another friend and we added each other. I actually ended up asking for his advice on something related to his job (computers) so by being FB friends made this easier.

I think you need to deactivate your account for a while. While I agree people can do things online to hurt you this is not one of those cases... You sound like a middle school child gone crazy.
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Old 12-02-2009, 10:10 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,248,365 times
Reputation: 37120
Some people just want to add another number to their friend list.

They'll look for anyone and everyone they can find to do this.

So, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
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Old 12-02-2009, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Tinley Park, IL
279 posts, read 591,389 times
Reputation: 263
Ok, I think everyone who posted thinks that I'm being unreasonable. That's cool. I can understand that it sounds petty and possessive, and I want to reiterate that I have no plans to demand or coerce him into deleting her. I respect him- he's a big boy and he makes his own decisions. On the other hand, I know that he respects me (unlike my cousin), and we confide in each other, so if something is bothering me, I know I can tell him and he has no problem telling me when he thinks I'm being ridiculous!
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Old 12-02-2009, 03:47 PM
 
Location: California
37,083 posts, read 42,050,241 times
Reputation: 34904
Does the phrase "social network" mean anything to you?
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Old 12-02-2009, 04:39 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,698,431 times
Reputation: 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by BangBangShrimp View Post
Ok, I think everyone who posted thinks that I'm being unreasonable. That's cool. I can understand that it sounds petty and possessive, and I want to reiterate that I have no plans to demand or coerce him into deleting her. I respect him- he's a big boy and he makes his own decisions. On the other hand, I know that he respects me (unlike my cousin), and we confide in each other, so if something is bothering me, I know I can tell him and he has no problem telling me when he thinks I'm being ridiculous!
What gives you ANY right to tell who your cousin can befriend, on and off the Internet? Your guy friend is just that, a FRIEND, and your cousin has NO obligation to get permission from you for any FB purposes. What are you crazy?

So excuse me, let's say if one of your other relatives decides to friend request your boyfriend on FB (that is, if you've got a BF)... by golly, should that other relative ask your permission to befriend your BF on FB?

Should your cousin get permission from you if she wants to talk to him in person?

Should your cousin get permission from you if she ends up breaking up w/ her current BF and LIKES this guy friend of yours, and by golly, if your guy friend agrees to pursue your cousin, should HE get permission from you if he and your cousin can date?

Or the better question is:

What makes you think ANYONE should ask YOUR permission to go about doing things in THEIR own life?
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Old 12-02-2009, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,251,695 times
Reputation: 6658
Quote:
Originally Posted by BangBangShrimp View Post
Ok, I know some of you think I take Facebook a bit too seriously since my last post complaining about my ex-boyfriend not adding me as a friend, but something "interesting" happened today that I wanted to share with you all.

I was on Facebook a little while ago and I noticed that my female cousin and a male friend of mine had recently become Facebook friends. They met a couple of months ago when my friend invited me to a party at his home, and I brought a few guests with me including this cousin. During the party, he did not associate with her aside from when I initially introduced them and even then, all he said was hello. I have been friends with this guy for like five years, and all my cousin knows is that he is a friend of mine and we've never dated, but we do hang out together alone and he sometimes leave flirty comments on my Facebook page, compliments my photos, etc.

Anyways, I don't know for sure, but I suspect my cousin sent him the friend request and not the other way around (I am getting verification on this as I type this). My guy friend is single, but my cousin has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend requested me as a friend a couple days ago and I accepted because they live together so I know she'd be aware of it, he comes to every family event so we've met several times (he even came with us to the party at my guy friend's house), and he is friends with her other female relatives on Facebook so I figured she wouldn't care if he added me as a friend too. However, I never would've taken it upon myself to send him a friend request because he's HER boyfriend and I don't need to have him on my friends list considering that I have no association with him aside from her. I also have never added any of her male friends to my Facebook.

I feel like if she wanted to add my guy friend to her Facebook page, she should have asked me first. She was not invited to his party- I WAS. They don't even know each other. I have my entire Facebook friends list hidden and she didn't know my guy friend's last name, so the ONLY way she was even able to add him as a friend was by seeing comments that he left for ME on MY page, and then she took it upon herself to add him. In the past, she has gone behind my back and communicated with a male friend of mine online who she knew I had a romantic interest in, so I feel like she intentionally did this behind my back as well. She likes attention and has lots of photos of herself dressed provocatively on her page. My guy friend has TONS of female associates, so it's not a matter of me simply not wanting him to have other female friends. My point is that he is not actually friends with my cousin, and I feel like she just wanted to add him to her friends list without any regard to how I would feel about it, and I am going to ask him to DELETE HER.

If it was the other way around and he sent her the friend request, I won't ask him to delete her and I won't be upset with her because he initiated the whole thing. However because I know them both quite well, I highly doubt this was the case.

Am I being unreasonable?
Facebook - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Quote:
Facebook is a global social networking website that is operated and privately owned by Facebook, Inc.[1] Users can add friends and send them messages, and update their personal profiles to notify friends about themselves. Additionally, users can join networks organized by city, workplace, school, and region. The website's name stems from the colloquial name of books given at the start of the academic year by university administrations with the intention of helping students get to know each other better.
Social network - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Quote:
A social network is a social structure made of individuals (or organizations) called "nodes," which are tied (connected) by one or more specific types of interdependency, such as friendship, kinship, financial exchange, dislike, sexual relationships, or relationships of beliefs, knowledge or prestige.
Yes
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Old 12-02-2009, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Tinley Park, IL
279 posts, read 591,389 times
Reputation: 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
What gives you ANY right to tell who your cousin can befriend, on and off the Internet? Your guy friend is just that, a FRIEND, and your cousin has NO obligation to get permission from you for any FB purposes. What are you crazy?

So excuse me, let's say if one of your other relatives decides to friend request your boyfriend on FB (that is, if you've got a BF)... by golly, should that other relative ask your permission to befriend your BF on FB?

Should your cousin get permission from you if she wants to talk to him in person?

Should your cousin get permission from you if she ends up breaking up w/ her current BF and LIKES this guy friend of yours, and by golly, if your guy friend agrees to pursue your cousin, should HE get permission from you if he and your cousin can date?

Or the better question is:

What makes you think ANYONE should ask YOUR permission to go about doing things in THEIR own life?
Hi SMS! I knew you'd be back.

It's not so much that she should ask my permission, but I think she should have the common courtesy not to seek attention (which is all she's doing) from my friend when she has no relationship/social connection with him aside from the fact that he's a friend of mine. It's not a situation where "any friend of mine is a friend of hers." She and I live our lives separately, have separate friends, and I'd like to keep it that way. It'd be different if she happened to know him outside of our friendship. But she only knows that he exists because he's a friend of mine. She was just a tag along at the event that I was personally invited to by him, but now she thinks it's appropriate to send a friend request to him months after the event when they basically had no contact at the event and have had none since?

I just find it odd that she decides to send the friend request right after he left some flirty comments on my page. It's like she remembered that he existed at that point. I just think it's lame that she has a boyfriend and her own friends, but still feels the need to seek attention from a close, personal male friend of mine that she barely knows. That's all I'm saying, but I know that you and I will vehemently disagree forever, so it's all good!

Last edited by BangBangShrimp; 12-02-2009 at 05:52 PM.. Reason: typo
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