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Old 12-01-2009, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Tinley Park, IL
279 posts, read 434,761 times
Reputation: 261

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Ok, I know some of you think I take Facebook a bit too seriously since my last post complaining about my ex-boyfriend not adding me as a friend, but something "interesting" happened today that I wanted to share with you all.

I was on Facebook a little while ago and I noticed that my female cousin and a male friend of mine had recently become Facebook friends. They met a couple of months ago when my friend invited me to a party at his home, and I brought a few guests with me including this cousin. During the party, he did not associate with her aside from when I initially introduced them and even then, all he said was hello. I have been friends with this guy for like five years, and all my cousin knows is that he is a friend of mine and we've never dated, but we do hang out together alone and he sometimes leave flirty comments on my Facebook page, compliments my photos, etc.

Anyways, I don't know for sure, but I suspect my cousin sent him the friend request and not the other way around (I am getting verification on this as I type this). My guy friend is single, but my cousin has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend requested me as a friend a couple days ago and I accepted because they live together so I know she'd be aware of it, he comes to every family event so we've met several times (he even came with us to the party at my guy friend's house), and he is friends with her other female relatives on Facebook so I figured she wouldn't care if he added me as a friend too. However, I never would've taken it upon myself to send him a friend request because he's HER boyfriend and I don't need to have him on my friends list considering that I have no association with him aside from her. I also have never added any of her male friends to my Facebook.

I feel like if she wanted to add my guy friend to her Facebook page, she should have asked me first. She was not invited to his party- I WAS. They don't even know each other. I have my entire Facebook friends list hidden and she didn't know my guy friend's last name, so the ONLY way she was even able to add him as a friend was by seeing comments that he left for ME on MY page, and then she took it upon herself to add him. In the past, she has gone behind my back and communicated with a male friend of mine online who she knew I had a romantic interest in, so I feel like she intentionally did this behind my back as well. She likes attention and has lots of photos of herself dressed provocatively on her page. My guy friend has TONS of female associates, so it's not a matter of me simply not wanting him to have other female friends. My point is that he is not actually friends with my cousin, and I feel like she just wanted to add him to her friends list without any regard to how I would feel about it, and I am going to ask him to DELETE HER.

If it was the other way around and he sent her the friend request, I won't ask him to delete her and I won't be upset with her because he initiated the whole thing. However because I know them both quite well, I highly doubt this was the case.

Am I being unreasonable?
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:52 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,344,644 times
Reputation: 42508
To be sure I understand, you want to tell a male friend of yours--not a boyfriend, just a guy you hang out with--that he can't be "Facebook friends" with your cousin?
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Tinley Park, IL
279 posts, read 434,761 times
Reputation: 261
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
To be sure I understand, you want to tell a male friend of yours--not a boyfriend, just a guy you hang out with--that he can't be "Facebook friends" with your cousin?
Absolutely.
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Denver Metro
1,480 posts, read 2,232,602 times
Reputation: 1052
Not to trivialize your feelings, but its just facebook. Its really not that big of a deal. I am facebook friends with people I hate just because its easier than saying no. I really wouldn't worry about it.
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:55 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,772 posts, read 11,898,123 times
Reputation: 6513
Oh ffs! It's FACEBOOK! Gawd I'm glad I never got into that crap.
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:58 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,344,644 times
Reputation: 42508
Why do you care who he's friends with? And why do you think you have the right to tell him what to do? It's not like he's dropping you as a friend, and if your cousin does gossip behind your back and he believes her, then I guess that five-year friendship was a farce.

If you go to him and say, "Oh, you better not be friends with her on Facebook, she is such a gossip and tries to turn all my friends against me" ... what does that make you?
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Tinley Park, IL
279 posts, read 434,761 times
Reputation: 261
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Why do you care who he's friends with? And why do you think you have the right to tell him what to do? It's not like he's dropping you as a friend, and if your cousin does gossip behind your back and he believes her, then I guess that five-year friendship was a farce.

If you go to him and say, "Oh, you better not be friends with her on Facebook, she is such a gossip and tries to turn all my friends against me" ... what does that make you?
I'm not going to demand that he deletes her, but AS HIS FRIEND, I'm going to ASK him to delete her because it makes me uncomfortable, and he's not really friends with her in the first place, so why should he have a problem deleting her if I ask him to and explain to him why it makes me uncomfortable?
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Denver Metro
1,480 posts, read 2,232,602 times
Reputation: 1052
It sounds like you already know how you want to handle this situation. If that is the case, then you should do what you feel is best.
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:06 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,344,644 times
Reputation: 42508
Here's something that puzzles me. If you don't trust this cousin and she's not a nice person, why is she your friend on Facebook? YOU gave her access to your other friends.

Most guys would have a problem with your request because it's not any of your business who they're friends with.
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:06 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,134,301 times
Reputation: 875
Why should you care who is friends with whom on FB? Is there some rule as to how close a friend you should be, before you become FB friends? IMO, you sound jealous.
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