Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just a general statement to those in favor of "dumping" the family - I was one of those people. Without getting into specifics, I moved to another statement about a month after I turned 17, and I did not communicate with my mother for about 5 years. I can write out a list about the many things done wrong by parents, and few people would take their side. But 20 years later, I can tell you all that I stopped resenting them the day I realized that I wasn't owed perfect parents. Distance is fine, have as much as you need. But only what you need - don't grab for more for the sake of your own personal drama.
The bold is a platitude.
While nobody is perfect, nothing justifies abuse. The OP seems she is being abused, and life is too short to live with any abuse, period.
Sorry i haven't reply to my own thread for few weeks, i've been really really busy
I made my decision, i didn't fully dump my family but yes i left them
I'm 19 and it's about time
My mother is still angry over my decision,basically she thinks that i won't survive on my own and in the end i'll crawl back to her
Currently i live in my friend's place outside the city and got a job
Oh and I'm planning to attend community college,they said i'm eligible for FAFSA which is amazing since i'm broke
I actually had been considering to join military but decided not to do it
Anyway,i just want to say thank you for all of your amazing respond and support.
It's good to know that another people have been in my shoes before and manage to survive,hope i can survive too
Your own happiness is most important. Kudos to you.
Anyone who causes you regular pain should be removed from your life, blood or no blood. The fact that they are family should be even more reason for them to be good to you. Don't give them a pass just because you share DNA. There are plenty of people out who will value you the way you should be valued.
I have friends who are more family to me than my sister. I'm glad to be rid of her. The sadness I feel for having to cut her off is far less than the pain of keeping her around, and time is making it easier.
I'm with this all of the way. People who have friends that are closer to them than their relatives are some of the blessed people in this world. Why? It's because they have people who truly care about them where there's no social obligation to do so, and people they chose to be with when there's no pressure to do so. This is compared to dealing with the "divinely-inspired" sick joke of being predestined with relatives who either beat them down more than praise them up, show no emotional care to their kids, shift from being parents back to immature an narcissistic teens once their kid turns 18, and only show love to children that turn out exactly like them in every....single...way! And knowing how society is now, a greater amount of children are coming from families whose parents are nothing more than legal placeholders who do nothing more - and in some cases even less - than what your typical animal does for their offspring.
I'm in a similar situation as the OP. I've dealt with a family where on my mother's side, it's just completely filled with degenerates. I barely talk to anyone on that side of the family, and my mother, who was emotionally never there as a mother but didn't want to give me up because she would get a check from social security, never defended me when I was (emotionally/socially) under attack but would always scorn me for the first minor mistake I make, would place other people over me, would keep me from spending time on my father's side of the family, and would favor her youngest son because he's darker than her two other sons (one of the two being me). Even to this day, her narcissistic and ghetto mentality would cause constant clashes with myself and her, and the hatred her husband's daughters have for me is just exacerbated by my so-called mother. And the lack of respect I receive from my own cousins is nothing less than abominable.
On my father's side, they were decent and loving at first. But it was when my father died when many people on my father's side showed their true colors, particularly the aunts and female cousins around my age. Along with the increase of the ghetto-rap culture, most of them have bought into this, and hence disowned me for not dumbing myself to conforming into this subculture. Every single time I try to talk to them about this issue, almost all of them want to just bury the issue and acting like it doesn't exist, which makes it emotionally worse for me and their credibility - in my eyes - worse. There are a dwindling amount of people I can say I emotionally trust, and this group gets smaller every year, either through a death in the family, or some middle-aged aunt/uncle or a cousin my age or younger who buys into the gangsta/rapper/ghetto subculture.
I have a job and just graduated from college a few months ago, so you might think why I'm still living at home. But living in a place where the average pay compared to the cost of living is horrendously unjustified, the average studio is $1,500 a month, and the average group house in a 20-something neighborhoods have a bunch of covert racist yuppies, leaving my house and moving isn't as easy as it is if I lived in most parts of this country. And even if I was able to move to even the most integrated and laid-back part of the area, the fact that my relatives live in the DC area is just emotionally daunting to the point that the last time I really felt free was when I went to college in Pittsburgh. As I'm typing this, my blood is boiling to the point of wanting to wish that for the case of my mother especially, God would get off his ass and give the "justice" he gave to the enemies of the chosen Hebrews/Jews in the Old Testament.
But unlike the OP, since I'm of a skin color that America is taught to hate, so I don't expect any sympathy, empathy, or advice on how to set myself free from the nightmare I face everyday.
It's entirely permissible to dump your family if they're abusive towards you. Since you're only 19 and your English is atrocious and their behavior isn't terribly abusive, I'd suggest you re-think.
It's entirely permissible to dump your family if they're abusive towards you. Since you're only 19 and your English is atrocious and their behavior isn't terribly abusive, I'd suggest you re-think.
How is it not abusive? Abuse, or at least it's effect on people, is relative.
It took me a lifetime to learn to stay away from mean, abusive, bullies, mentally ill, crazy, jealous people/relatives. Hope it doesn't take you that long. Love yourself when nobody else will and always remember that God loves you more than anyone else ever could.
Sorry i haven't reply to my own thread for few weeks, i've been really really busy
I made my decision, i didn't fully dump my family but yes i left them
I'm 19 and it's about time
My mother is still angry over my decision,basically she thinks that i won't survive on my own and in the end i'll crawl back to her
Currently i live in my friend's place outside the city and got a job
Oh and I'm planning to attend community college,they said i'm eligible for FAFSA which is amazing since i'm broke
I actually had been considering to join military but decided not to do it
Anyway,i just want to say thank you for all of your amazing respond and support.
It's good to know that another people have been in my shoes before and manage to survive,hope i can survive too
Good Job and Good Luck!
It will be hard, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
It took me a lifetime to learn to stay away from mean, abusive, bullies, mentally ill, crazy, jealous people/relatives. Hope it doesn't take you that long. Love yourself when nobody else will and always remember that God loves you more than anyone else ever could.
There is an old saying "We can't pick our 1st family but we can choose our 2nd".
We are stuck who birthed us but we can find good spouses and raise great kids. My wife leaned all the things not to do from her abusive mother, luckily she learned well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
