Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-25-2007, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,822,326 times
Reputation: 549

Advertisements

Jen,

You do need to go. It's your life now. I remember the day I decided I was going to tell my parents the truth all the time. I was scared as hell the first time but to my surprise my mom didn't take my head off! The more I told the truth the more we got along. Now there isn't anything I won't tell my parents. They are a big inspiration in my life.

You also need to deal with this because you don't want your kids acting towards you the way you act towards your mom. (I am not saying you are doing anything bad!!!!) Maybe living away from her will shield them from the mom issues and hopefully your mom will learn how to appreciate you more and respect your space. Just don't keep things from her! It can never amount to any good. If anything she may then realize that you are grown up and making your own decisions.

I have to run off with my teen now so am not able to proof read what I wrote, I hope it all makes sense!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-25-2007, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Free Palestine, Ohio!
2,724 posts, read 6,404,859 times
Reputation: 4860
Jen,my heart goes out to you and yours. Yes, move by all means and be truthful to yourself and your Mom. Sometimes distance heals the heart. Your family is most important at this time and a change is what might be needed. I feel therapy,once you settle into your new digs,should be considered to work through your issues. I know this can get expensive so just remember that you always have Him to talk to. I find prayer is very therapeutic and calming.Good luck again and God Bless.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2007, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Alabama!
6,048 posts, read 18,378,017 times
Reputation: 4835
Ah, Jen, sounds exactly like my mom! Growing up, she criticized constantly...you never do anything right, you'll never amount to anything...I was so happy to go off to college! During my college years, she had a hysterectomy and became a totally different person. Years later, my dad died and she became dependent on me for everything (she had to have a wheelchair to get out). A few years ago, I had to have surgery that would have me incapacitated for a few weeks, but after I would have much less pain and be able to get about more easily. She took such a fit! She was WAY more worried about how she'd get to the grocery store etc. than if I would come through the surgery OK. A couple of years later, I had to have surgery again that kept me down for a couple of weeks. When I finally went out to get her and take her out, she claimed she had no idea I'd been in the hospital! I don't know why they forget that they're the parent, but they do, and you have to approach them as if they are a child. Sounds like it will be good for her for you to move away...she'll have to "grow up" a little. If she can't care for your stepfather, maybe she will have to take some different steps to make her life easier. Your children are young, and you need to pay attention to them, because you'll never get these years back. Remember, put YOUR children and YOUR family first right now. Good luck, girl!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2007, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 24,056,476 times
Reputation: 5182
Your mom is probably going to be upset for a while. She will miss you! Maybe over time she will decide to move closer to you, or maybe she'll strengthen her relationships with her other children. She will be okay, don't feel guilty. If you still feel like you need therapy, it's certainly not too late. A good therapist could help you find a way to enjoy being your mother's daughter, without having to feel guilty so much.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2007, 06:53 PM
 
Location: ~Palm Coast, Florida~
460 posts, read 2,341,096 times
Reputation: 220
Thank you everyone for your replies! This has helped so much!

Jen
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2007, 06:39 AM
 
Location: State College PA
402 posts, read 2,208,975 times
Reputation: 272
We just moved from NC to PA 2 months ago....

For a while, we knew we wanted to move. But, we didn't want to leave the region of my in-laws, who have always lived in the same 1 mile radius. Very salt-of-the-earth kind of people. In their mind, you would NEVER leave the family. (but they're the type not to say that to your face)

But, we realized that our choices were to stay in that area, that we didn't care for and didn't feel was a good environment for the kids, for the grandparents (they lived 1 1/2 hours away, so it's not like they saw them daily). Then, possibly move after they die (morbid thought, but true), when the kids are older and established in school....and then, we probably wouldn't. Our other choice was to move to an area that we liked now, raise our kids in an environment that we liked better, and pray that the in-laws would visit (which they won't).

It was the best thing we've done. This area is FANTASTIC for the children, much better schools...and incredible for us. My husband and I even went on a hike together....we haven't done that in 4 1/2 years!!

Although I feel bad that we don't see them as often (we drive down there on long weekends....and a bit spiteful they won't fly up here)....the rest of our life is SO much better!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2007, 07:51 AM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 8,825,259 times
Reputation: 2263
Jen------- First, Happy Birthday!!! Second, it sounds like your life has been a series of struggles. I commend you for taking action to make your children's lives different.

Don't let mom make you feel guilty- here's something to ponder. If your mother had the opportunity to leave your hometown for a new life that might be happier and easier on her, do you think she would do it?

It's been said that our job as parents is to raise our children so they can be as prepared as possible to leave us............ kind of a crazy way to look at things but it is true. Maybe work that angle with your mother- tell her what a great job she did- that you would never have the nerve to make such major changes in your life had she not helped to shape you into the strong woman you are today.

And if none of that works, I'll take you to a great beach bar for some frozen fruity drinks and girl talk when you get to Palm Coast!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2007, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
1,408 posts, read 5,088,935 times
Reputation: 874
Hi Jen...

Move, if it's the best thing for YOUR family! Invite your mom to visit, but that's all. If you haven't yet dealt with those old demons, maybe getting some counseling now (or after your move) would be good for you.

Also, maybe you could encourage your mom to become involved in senior activities/volunteering which would give her something to do that is valuable. She'll still feel needed and wanted after your move.

Wishing you happiness! Nana
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2007, 06:20 AM
 
Location: ~Palm Coast, Florida~
460 posts, read 2,341,096 times
Reputation: 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate girl View Post
Jen------- First, Happy Birthday!!! Second, it sounds like your life has been a series of struggles. I commend you for taking action to make your children's lives different.

Don't let mom make you feel guilty- here's something to ponder. If your mother had the opportunity to leave your hometown for a new life that might be happier and easier on her, do you think she would do it?

It's been said that our job as parents is to raise our children so they can be as prepared as possible to leave us............ kind of a crazy way to look at things but it is true. Maybe work that angle with your mother- tell her what a great job she did- that you would never have the nerve to make such major changes in your life had she not helped to shape you into the strong woman you are today.

And if none of that works, I'll take you to a great beach bar for some frozen fruity drinks and girl talk when you get to Palm Coast!
Thank you! That sounds wonderful!

She came over for dinner last night and we talked some more about it. She is still a little down, but I think is doing better. Hopefully in the next month she will accept it more.
She still wants to come down during the winter, and be a snowbird maybe, so we will see how that goes.
I just hope if she does come down to visit for a few months, that we can get along the whole time.
I feel like I must move away to keep my sanity...
I hope you all dont think I am nuts! This is so embarrassing to talk about!

Jen
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2007, 03:01 PM
 
Location: USA
1,952 posts, read 4,781,610 times
Reputation: 2266
Quote:
She came over for dinner last night and we talked some more about it. She is still a little down, but I think is doing better. Hopefully in the next month she will accept it more.
She still wants to come down during the winter, and be a snowbird maybe, so we will see how that goes.
I just hope if she does come down to visit for a few months, that we can get along the whole time.
I feel like I must move away to keep my sanity...
I hope you all dont think I am nuts! This is so embarrassing to talk about!
WARNING, WARNING.....you're moving to get away from her, but you live in separate houses now, right? If she comes during the winter, to be a snowbird, is she planning to live with you???

I wouldn't even consider that. It will only lead to trouble.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:42 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top