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Lots of great advice here. I agree, there is nothing you can do about your BIL's behavior. And your inlaws are probably too afraid or feel to guilty or don't want to look like they're chosing sides, to do anything. The situation won't change unless: 1. your BIL does something REALLY egregious, like blatantly siphon funds from the business or 2. you leave the business. Otherwise, it will probably stay like it is, or worsen, with time.
I think you're wise to look for some other means of work. If your inlaws are wise, and not afraid of the BIL, they will not want to lose you over keeping him, and they will make the right choice. But, more likely, they will just let you leave, b/c that was "your decision", and that way, they didn't have to make a choice in the matter. You may want to tell them that you are planning to leave, b/c of this situation, and see what they say (like "Sorry to see you go" vs. "No! There must be some other way!").
Good luck! Family businesses can be ugly, for sure.
I hope everyone here realizes that you all have made me feel like a thousand times better. You really have. Just "getting it out" has been cathartic to me and I REALLY appreciate those that have read my little tale of woe.
Anyhow, I agree that not doing work for the business is probably the best route. Let me clarify, FYI, that we don't work on site of the retail store--everything is done remotely. We're happy to be almost 3,000 miles away from the mess, so we just get to hear about everything from afar. Regardless, it will be best when we can "break free" from it completely; only until then we can stop hearing about all this BS.
I have a feeling your BIL is being run by your SIL - they have bought into the expensive type lifestyle and that he is taking from the business much more than anyone thinks. It is their lifeline and with the parents being elderly, he's just hoping no one realizes.
Yeah, my SIL is a c-u-next-Tuesday, if you get what I'm saying. However, I'll admit that much of my poor feelings towards her is just that I don't like her personality (bossy, loud, man-hating, materialistic, shallow, gossip-y) but I try to keep that inside as I don't want to stoop down to her level of treating someone poorly because they behave differently than yourself. I just kind of try to avoid her, honestly. I use that whole "if you don't have something nice to say" motto--thus I'm quite quiet around her! She is pretty wretched, though. I'm convinced that she has as many friends as she does because those that aren't "near" here are scared she'd talk about them if they weren't there!
I just fume when I see her brag on Facebook about a vacation they just took or a $2k Louis Vuitton purse she bought when I know that money was taken from my in-laws to pay for it (or, she's charging her credit card and is going to whine for more money later on to pay it off)
...while I'm sitting here budgeting out groceries in Excel to eat on $300/month and using my $30 purse bought used off eBay.
Don't worry about them firing your DH once they get their dirty paws on the business. They'll bleed it dry and run it into the ground in under a year.
I predict the same. They are going to destroy the family business if they inherit and I hope you MIL and FIL have passed away so they do not have to see their lives' work destroyed. Seems like you are handling this the best you can. I doubt MIL and FIL are going to change the situation with BIL because it seems like a life pattern, which is a shame. I agree that dropping the contract with the business might be the best way to get out of any contact, even though it won't be good for you 2 or the business
Anyway, chin up and if BIL and SIL get on your nerves, come back and give us a rant
If you can't take it any more...I would chew those two !@#$*& out in front of their face. Your BIL is 40 something years old and the only reason why he has it in for your husband is "just because" is BS. Since they are causing all the drama, if I were you, I would confront them face to face spark this fire into your own advantage rather than to continue getting burned by it.
The only reason why this drama is still happening is because you two (and your MIL/FIL) are allowing it to happen. They think they can use sneaky tactics to emotionally hurt you, which happens to work as it's taking a toil on the rest of you guys. So you need to cut it out and clear the air.
Stand up for what you believe and snap back at them. If they threaten to walk, tell them the doors right there. Your MIL/FIL seem to be very understanding of the situation as well, so they probably know that you two are not in it for the money. Just tell them in advance that you are prepared to make a scene in the near future.
Unfortunately, your husband is quiet as it would be great if he fought back too. If my brother ever gave me flake like that, you can bet your money that I would beat the stuffing out of him (but I love him too much and he's not a douche like your BIL/SIL)
If you can't take it any more...I would chew those two !@#$*& out in front of their face. Your BIL is 40 something years old and the only reason why he has it in for your husband is "just because" is BS. Since they are causing all the drama, if I were you, I would confront them face to face spark this fire into your own advantage rather than to continue getting burned by it.
The only reason why this drama is still happening is because you two (and your MIL/FIL) are allowing it to happen. They think they can use sneaky tactics to emotionally hurt you, which happens to work as it's taking a toil on the rest of you guys. So you need to cut it out and clear the air.
Stand up for what you believe and snap back at them. If they threaten to walk, tell them the doors right there. Your MIL/FIL seem to be very understanding of the situation as well, so they probably know that you two are not in it for the money. Just tell them in advance that you are prepared to make a scene in the near future.
Unfortunately, your husband is quiet as it would be great if he fought back too. If my brother ever gave me flake like that, you can bet your money that I would beat the stuffing out of him (but I love him too much and he's not a douche like your BIL/SIL)
Good luck~
I would LOVE to make a scene--trust me! I talk all the time to my husband that "if I ever find out that I have a terminal illness and have a week to live... they'll be a few other people that have a week to live as well!!"
With that being said, we only see my BIL and SIL "in the flesh" a few times a year (thank god, I dread those visits as few as they are). As much as it would FEEL GREAT to rip them both a new a-hole, for the sake of my MIL and FIL we choose to take the "correct them when they're wrong--but not stoop to the level of cutting them down" approach. Really, the reason we do it is because it makes us look better. Plus, it would hurt my MIL and FIL, as justified as the actions would be.
Our problem with walking away at the moment is, I won't lie, we need all the money we can get. As much BS as it is to get the check each month, it's FAIR money for work we do--and for this moment, it helps us a good deal. The minute (and I literally mean, the minute) we get enough regular income to not need to any longer, we'll be walking away--trust us. I haven't been able to find work in my degree for over a year now (I've been working with the business in the mean time) but the moment I do, it'll be over.
I agree with some of the posters here. The only reason your BIL is being an @ss to your husband, is that your BIL is taking money from the family business and he wants you and your husband to get your noses out of his dirty business. Yes, if your BIL inherits the business, he will run it into the ground. This is a lot about money. If you leave the business now, he will continue exploiting your in-laws the way he did before. I don't know if it is wise to abandon your in-laws, because he might run the business into the ground even before your in-laws die. But your in-laws can't do anything since this is also their son, and they are not going to kick their son out of the business. No way. So the only thing left to do, is admit to yourselves that things are tough right now, but for your husband's parent's sake, you guys might want to keep a close eye on the finances of the company. In other words, get more involved, not less involved. Your BIL will throw a hissy fit, but this might be the motivation your in-laws need to tell him to leave the business.
Right now, your BIL is trying desperately to scare you away. But your husband does not need this greedy man in his life. They are brothers, but that doesn't mean that if your BIL does something criminal, you guys can't throw his sorry @ss in jail. Yes, what he is doing is white collar crime. If your BIL keeps trying to scare you away, tell him straight up that you guys are watching him, and that you guys will do what is necessary to keep your in-laws financially protected. Also talk to your in-laws about the situation, and let them know that you are on their side and won't allow any funny stuff from your BIL or his wife, or his wife's mom.
Your in-laws (your husband's parents), might be too old to know what they should do. They might even be scared. And of course, they fear that if they say anything to your BIL, that he won't talk to them anymore. But trust me, that guy is a loser,and will come back begging for his old job back if he gets fired. He can't make it on his own. He needs your in-laws more than they need him. Your in-laws need to know this, and not be frightened that this loser will not talk to them anymore. Because all losers always do the same thing, until someone straightens them out. You guys are their only hope.
Wow. I can't thank you guys enough. I was really down about it all last night and seeing all your responses helped me more than anything in the world.
It's like I search within myself and my husband for some logical reason that this animosity exists but there's nothing. I'm the type of person that when there is a problem I want to find the cause and come up with a solution...but with this I just have to tell myself that there is none. It's illogical and, furthermore, I think my BIL might not be 100% mentally sane (I mean that, I think he may have some issues beyond the scope of this situation).
I hate to say this, but once we can fully "wean" ourselves from doing work for my in-law's business we're just going to distance ourselves from our BIL and SIL completely.
What sucks is that I know our work, because we do it so cheaply, is really helpful to their business. But whatever. It's just not worth the drama, I suppose. They can get someone else to do it for 4x as much and half as well.
Would you be willing to do it for free? I'm just throwing that out there...because then, your BIL would not have a leg to stand on.
That being said, I think the best thing for the two of you is to distance yourself from your BIL/SIL. Tell your in-laws that it's nothing against them (although I am sure they know this already), and move on. You and your husband deserve to live your lives in peace. Good luck...
I feel sorry for your in-laws who it seems are being ripped off.
What does your husband think?
Would your in-laws read this thread if you printed it out and gave it to them? Would your husband agree to that?
It sounds as though you have a good relationship with the FIL and MIL and with your husband so can you work this out by letting them know what's been suggested on this thread?
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