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Old 06-06-2007, 08:00 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 8,015,932 times
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She should marry him and move to an area beyond her family's reach and influence. But only after he signs a prenup since I'm sure he's there for love rather than money. That might show the family that he's interested in nothing more than her love.

Families like that really stink though.
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Old 06-06-2007, 09:18 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,060,569 times
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He is kind of an artsy guy actually. He is very talented in a lot of different things from painting to computer graphics. He doesn't have a long history of steady jobs, but that's not really what he is about. Her immediate family (mother and father) seem to have dealth with the fact that she loves him, and her father owns a construction company that could offer employment to him if need be. If they actually do get married, I could see him being a very good husband and father even if he doesn't "make a million". He has a good heart, he's just never been in a position where he's had to step up. I just don't feel there is a valid reason to stop the union if it's what they truly want.

Perhaps there is more to it than I know. We shall see.
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Old 06-06-2007, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 2,545,876 times
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You mentioned that he is from the UK...does he have a green card??

If not that might be part of the families concern, that he is going to use their daughter to get the right to stay here in the US.

I think the prenup is a good idea...she could give it to her parents has a present...
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Old 06-06-2007, 09:36 PM
 
2,482 posts, read 8,060,761 times
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Well...
I'm probably going to get chastised for this but here goes. Wouldn't be the first time people jump down my throat.

If the guy doesn't have a history of a steady job or isn't even a citizen of the US, there's a slight possibility he's just using her to mooch. You said her father was a business owner---I have no doubt that they are at least upper middle class. For someone who does not have citizenship or a steady income, marrying into an upper middle class family with a steady flow of income from the family business while using their daughter to obtain citizenship could seem like a very attractive package. People can say "oh, as long as they love each other! nothing else matters!" ...but that's not true. When it comes to marriage, it is every bit financial as it is emotional. I'll bet that love doesn't seem so sweet when she's 5 months pregnant and he's applying for his 5th job in the last year...at minimum wage. Granted, I'm just outlining the worst case scenario and I pray that it would never get that bad. My point is, I can see from her family's perspective. They are not trying to control her, just trying to protect her. They just want her to have a good life and not be stuck with financial problems up the wazoo because her husband is a deadbeat.

Just my two cents.
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Old 06-06-2007, 09:52 PM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,995,854 times
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The family has a right to say whatever they want, including, "No, don't marry this man." The woman has every right to say, "Forget you, I'm getting married to him anyway."
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Old 06-06-2007, 11:43 PM
 
Location: Warwick, NY
1,173 posts, read 5,520,541 times
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In my experience...

If she's getting family concerns that aren't coming from her parents then the concerns are coming from the parents via other family members who share the concerns. The parents just wish to appear supportive. No doubt family members approached the parents with their concerns before they approached the daughter. If the parents really had no problems with him then they would tell the other relations that they support her completely and wouldn't hear of anyone else saying anything and that's that.
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Old 06-07-2007, 07:01 AM
 
1,501 posts, read 5,199,011 times
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r
Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadreamer View Post
He is kind of an artsy guy actually. He is very talented in a lot of different things from painting to computer graphics. He doesn't have a long history of steady jobs, but that's not really what he is about ... He has a good heart, he's just never been in a position where he's had to step up..
Perhaps there is more to it than I know. We shall see.
Oh Gosh, (tongue in cheek here :>) did they meet on a cruise? Please don't hate me, but Cary Grant's "Nicky Ferrenti", instantly, popped into my mind (Affair to Remember). I really can see the siblings' point of view here. (The movies have certainly imitated enough real life people I know.)
Maybe they just need to get to know him very well and he has to "step up" first. How long have they been together? And has your friend a history of being on the not-so-sensible side with boyfriend choices, as far as the family's concerned (her usually giving more?)
It could even be that her history, more than his, is a concern in their eyes.

Last edited by Travel'r; 06-07-2007 at 07:29 AM..
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Old 06-07-2007, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Weehawken, NJ
2,179 posts, read 6,097,452 times
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I think family and close friends reserve the right to object.

A perfect example is my best friend. "Mike" asked me and his brother what he thought about him marrying his then girlfriend. We both objected because her attitude is terrible and she never tried to become friends with any of us.

Fast forward 2 years to this past Saturday when "Mike" had a BBQ at his new townhouse in South Philly, and I have to tell you, it was beyond tense. Most of us left early because we really can't stand this girl. She is very lazy, she keeps "Mike" on a very short leash, and she refuses to get a job even though she has a masters in Economics.

So yes, I feel that input is a good thing if others can see what is going on.
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Old 06-07-2007, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,060,569 times
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Default Reasonable Concerns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary View Post
You mentioned that he is from the UK...does he have a green card??

If not that might be part of the families concern, that he is going to use their daughter to get the right to stay here in the US.

I think the prenup is a good idea...she could give it to her parents has a present...
We have never known him to have a job, but we know he has a steady flow of money from somewhere. My husband thinks that he is on disability for depression so he probably gets disability from the UK. If he becomes a green card holder I imagine that would stop so it wouldn't make sense to risk it if he weren't seriously in love with this woman.

As far as marrying to get US Citizenship, he has never mentioned even being interested in coming to the US until he met his fiance. She happens to live in Abilene, TX.

I have no doubt her family has valid concerns, especially since she has been married before. However, why can't they just say they want him to sign a prenup? It's going to take a few months to get his fiance visa and then they have a few months to plan a nice wedding. It's already been over a year, and he did go back to the UK once for nearly 5 months and then came back, so it's not a fling.
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Old 06-07-2007, 10:59 AM
 
2,482 posts, read 8,060,761 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadreamer View Post
We have never known him to have a job, but we know he has a steady flow of money from somewhere. My husband thinks that he is on disability for depression so he probably gets disability from the UK.
Woah woah woah...he's planning on MARRYING her and she doesn't know where his income comes from? Can we say LARGE WAVING BLOOD RED FLAG? She might want to ask him the financial questions before they even buy the ring. That just sounds super sketch.

Quote:
However, why can't they just say they want him to sign a prenup?
The LEAST they can do is a prenup. I duno, but just by gut feeling the whole "can't hold a job, don't know where his money comes from" deal is just...unsettling. Especially if you're going for something longerm like marriage. I mean sure its a union but that's also your livelihood there!
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