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Old 06-07-2007, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,028,063 times
Reputation: 1812

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[quote=SmerkyGrl;845629]Woah woah woah...he's planning on MARRYING her and she doesn't know where his income comes from? Can we say LARGE WAVING BLOOD RED FLAG? She might want to ask him the financial questions before they even buy the ring. That just sounds super sketch. =QUOTE]

I said WE don't know where his income comes from. I'm sure SHE knows, as that's a conversation that has to be had between a couple.
They corresponded quite a long time online before he came to the US, so she probably knows more about him than even my husband does. My husband has known his for about 13 years. He is very talented in a lot of things, just not a 9-5 type thing. Not everyone is the same.
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Old 06-07-2007, 01:40 PM
 
1,519 posts, read 4,763,615 times
Reputation: 1477
First, your post on the Texas forum somehow blaming this on the entire state is an indefensible position. Families exist everywhere. Families are made of people. People have opinions.

And somehow blaming this on their socioeconomic status is an odd conclusion. People's opinions do not increase proportionally with the size of their investment portfolio. Plus, poor people have opinions too. Ever watch Jerry Springer? :-)

This is a family problem. Not a Texas problem. Not a rich vs. poor problem.

At first I thought "why is this family interfering with this woman's life? It's hers to live." Then I read on... This guy sounds like a sleazeball. Your friend sounds like someone who has made bad decisions in husband's before.

I agree with the poster that the family has every right to state their opinion. And the daughter has every right to do as she pleases. However, it sounds like the family does have a reasonable basis to be concerned.

The daughter has already made poor choices in a husband before. The family is trying to save her, and their grandchildren, from another heartbreak. They are not doing this for sport.

First, it sounds like she has only known him through a long-distance relationship. For "marriage material" a person cannot get to know another person with enough familiarity when the Atlantic Ocean lies between them. Remember, there are kids involved here. If she wants to marry him, one of them should move to the other's country and wait a year. If it is meant to be, it will be meant to be a year from now. To truly know someone good enough to make a lifetime commitment with one anther, they need to see how it is to live near each other.

Second, someone who does not have an obvious source of income is certainly someone I would not trust. If someone does not have the ambition to get or keep a job in his home country, he is not going to find one in a foreign country either. The parents are thinking that he will go from being on welfare in England to being on the "rich parents" welfare in Texas. That is a legitimate concern.

With all this, your friend certainly has the right to do as she pleases. I only hope that she takes great care in making this decision. There are two precious kids to think of. She has made a bad decision before. Her parents are trying to "save" her from making another one. From the sound of things, she's headed down the road to divorce number two.
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Old 06-07-2007, 09:12 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,028,063 times
Reputation: 1812
Quote:
Originally Posted by hamiltonpl View Post
First, your post on the Texas forum somehow blaming this on the entire state is an indefensible position. Families exist everywhere. Families are made of people. People have opinions.

And somehow blaming this on their socioeconomic status is an odd conclusion. People's opinions do not increase proportionally with the size of their investment portfolio. Plus, poor people have opinions too. Ever watch Jerry Springer? :-)

This is a family problem. Not a Texas problem. Not a rich vs. poor problem.
I am not trying to be rude since I do appreciate everyone's input, but I did try to clarify this already on another response after the post on the Texas forum was closed.

First of all, I NEVER meant that it only happens in Texas. I did however mean that it may happen more in an area where a family with money and influence think they can tell people what to do. This is fact. I have seen it time and again. But, having never been to Texas, I thought perhaps being a smallish town in what I have always thought to be a conservative state, might make a difference in the way FAMILIES handle these types of situations. They just happen to be IN TEXAS.

Second, I can personally guarantee he is NOT a sleazeball. It's usually him getting taken advantage of, not the other way around.

Last of all, have you ever heard of a someone on Jerry Springer threatening to get someone fired because they golf with the guy that owns the local radio network where she happens to work? I Didn't think so!!

Thanks to everyone that has responded with an open mind.

Last edited by floridadreamer; 06-07-2007 at 09:21 PM..
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Old 06-08-2007, 08:47 PM
 
631 posts, read 1,968,137 times
Reputation: 445
Well, I don't know about this particular situation, but generally speaking, no one knows you better than family, so if they're waving a red flag, it's definitely worth looking into.
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Old 06-09-2007, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Dilworth - Charlotte, NC.
549 posts, read 2,187,788 times
Reputation: 241
I agree with GV0928! My family always has watched me like a hawk, and even though I am an independant adult now, I can feel their presence. This might sound strange to some but please bear with me. As a little girl I grew up in a very loving but strict household. My mother did not allowed me to play outside alone without supervision. It could be a reason why I could relate more to my dolls or adults than to other children my age. Friends had to be approved before I could invite them or could accept an invitation. As a teenager my "puppylove" was quickly crushed by my parents if they felt he was not suitable for me. Even now when I am dating someone my mother will say something about him that will make us have a disagreement. Yet later on, the guy exhibited the same character flaw my mother pointed out when she first meet him. So I have learned to listen to her advice since my family wants me to be happy and end up with someone thats merits me.
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Old 06-09-2007, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,843 posts, read 25,242,490 times
Reputation: 26199
This young woman CAN marry anyone she chooses. I've heard love is blind more than once or twice. We tend to not see so clearly when we are in love. If the friends and family dislike this man, I'm betting there is a real reason.
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Old 06-09-2007, 07:18 PM
 
Location: California
11,433 posts, read 17,118,680 times
Reputation: 12496
Family can always say no but they better have a good reason and really they shouldn't say no, they should share their concerns with the person and let them decide. family feels it knows best and sometimes they do but you take the risk of your loved one feeling as if you are agianst them and breaking ties.
Love can be blind.
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Old 06-10-2007, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,028,063 times
Reputation: 1812
It just seems like the girl has been through so much. Apparently her ex-husband is a real jerk and if she had a choice, wouldn't even want him near her kids.

I do understand the part where family would want to protect her, but doesn't everyone deserve the chance to be happy? If he makes her "happy", why not just let her have her "peace" ?
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Old 06-10-2007, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
7,731 posts, read 12,174,848 times
Reputation: 5942
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pimpy View Post
Unless this chick's family is compelled by legitimate concerns (which are few and far between in a case like this), she should tell them where they can go and where they can stick it.

If the fiancee is a drug addict, just got out of jail, has 8 kids by 8 baby mommas, etc., then obviously the girl's family has legitimate concerns. However, they should be mindful of her feelings and voice these concerns in a respectful, dignified manner, not "we'll make trouble for you if you go through with this."

In the end, your life is your own, and you should be free to be with whoever makes you happy, no matter what your family and friends say. Anyone that attempts to undermine that happiness for superficial reasons doesn't deserve your acknowledgement.
I agree with that. The family does not have the right to halt a marriage unless they have actual proof that there is something wrong with the other.
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Old 06-13-2007, 04:22 PM
 
Location: AHOSKIE
18 posts, read 39,598 times
Reputation: 17
if he is not a killer, abusive, insane, drug addict, then i say THE HELL WITH WHO DONT WANT THEM TO MARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOOO AND HAS NOT HELD DOWN A JOB IN AWHILE AND SHE SUPPORTS HIM THEN THE FAMILY SHOULD MIND THEIR OWN BEEZ WAX...LOL
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