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My father has been in contact with my ex and this person did some horrible things to me. He was physically and sexually abusive. We have a child together but I left him when she was 8 months old. She is now 22.
When my father and mother got divorced she did everything she could to keep him away from us (the children) because she was angry with him and was using us to get back at him.
I don't get angry with my dad anymore for keeping in contact with my ex. I think he has a hard time understanding the situation because of what happened with him. He was never good at empathizing with others and can only relate situations to what he has experienced himself. I have learned to accept that he will always be this way. Also, my daughter is old enough now that I don't have to worry about my ex hurting her. She has a good head on her shoulders and can take care of herself.
I would just let it go. If you don't care, he can no longer hurt you.
But someone who continues to talk to someone who messed you up...Let alone if they are your FAMILY....WTF?
There is no relationship without respect. The person that respects you and does not want to hurt you would never throw chats in your face for one or tell you to "deal with it". And to say you have to "win" is NOT being healthy. Nor is putting up with it when its hurtful. Because its not being equal or respectful. You can't have healthy relationships with unhealthy people. Sometimes you are related to them.
Sorry but its lame and creepy when family keeps talking to the ex. Let alone one who messed up their kid hardcore. But they probably don't care because they added a layer themselves. There is a difference too in someone just getting a divorce for healthy reasons compared to having to divorce someone because they keep messing you up.(physical or emotional)
People who get into abusive relationships tend to come from abusive families. That is what I see here. Sometimes you need to just cut some people off in order to set your head strait and them strait.
This: Last paragraph of your post. Only now am I beginning to realize that. I have an aunt that still talks to my ex husband (we were divorced due to domestic violence) She has emotionally abusive tendencies, and I have a brother who still talks to the ex boyfriend who stood me up at the altar. My poor family is just emotionally abusive, and I will be empowered as I learn to forgive them and learn to put SERIOUS boundaries around how and when I have contact with them. It's the only way I will be free.
PasstheChocolate, make your own friends and family.
We're responsible for our adult life.
Just because someone is part of the family we're born into doesn't really mean much.
You might like to have them in your life, but sometimes you just have to cut them loose.
They can make their own choices, and apparently have.
Protect yourself and rely on your friends and loved ones outside of the family unit.
been there done that.
nothing like a group of people condemning u as dead wrong that used to love u. it gets u down.
not to worry move on and stop depending on them. unless of course they are dead right, not always the case but critical to know the difference.
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