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Old 04-14-2010, 11:39 AM
 
128 posts, read 348,551 times
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Does anyone else have a distant and strained relationship with their immediate family? I am talking about brothers, sisters, and parents.

There has never been a blow up and few cross words but we are strangers to each other and only see each other at Christmas. My parents and brothers and sisters all live within an hour of my home, so physical distance is not the issue.

When we see each other at Christmas all of us are just making an appearance. There is long periods of silence, lots of TV watching, looking at our watches to see if we have put in our 3 hour obligation yet and no hugging and kissing. The lack of connection is not just me and my other immediate family members but no one in the group thinks much of each other. How painful.

If you have a cold distant relationship with members of your immediate family do you act like everything is fine, try to see each other as little as possible or constantly reach out to try to make things better?
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Old 04-14-2010, 11:56 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
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My immediate family tend to have more drama in their lives than I care for so that in itself puts a strain and distance between me and my family members. Some more than others.

Because of strained relationships with my mother, I allowed their drama to keep me from visiting one Thanksgiving. The one time of year I usually make the trip home. Well this particular year, my mother and aunt were going at it and I didn't want to be in the middle so I skipped the visit home.

Afterwards, I found out my brother was anticipating my visit but didn't get the chance to tell me. He was killed a few weeks later. It still haunts me to this day that I allowed my mother and aunt to rob me of that time with him.

You can't pick your family but I leave you with this. How would you feel if you never got to lay eyes on them again? Would you regret it? If so, I encourage you to make more of an attempt to gather and tell each other how you feel about them. After all, you may never have that chance and it's one I regret I will take to my grave.
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Old 04-14-2010, 12:03 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,325,314 times
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Here are some threads that may interest you.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/relat...tives-you.html

Would you help your spouse fight with their parents?

http://www.city-data.com/forum/relat...but-would.html

Weekend Traveler, what a hoot.
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Old 04-14-2010, 11:10 PM
 
5,702 posts, read 16,188,342 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tough Questions View Post
Does anyone else have a distant and strained relationship with their immediate family? I am talking about brothers, sisters, and parents.

There has never been a blow up and few cross words but we are strangers to each other and only see each other at Christmas. My parents and brothers and sisters all live within an hour of my home, so physical distance is not the issue.

When we see each other at Christmas all of us are just making an appearance. There is long periods of silence, lots of TV watching, looking at our watches to see if we have put in our 3 hour obligation yet and no hugging and kissing. The lack of connection is not just me and my other immediate family members but no one in the group thinks much of each other. How painful.

If you have a cold distant relationship with members of your immediate family do you act like everything is fine, try to see each other as little as possible or constantly reach out to try to make things better?
Funny you should start this thread as hubby and I just talked about this earlier. To answer your question. Yes. Its a drag.

Hubby and I are both middle children and I think that is a factor. I think we both feel a little lost in where we fit in our family dynamics. I have a small family and he has a large family. Both of our parents are divorced and remarried. So when we go home for visits, its really a lot of work.

Christmas is no longer an issue for us since we moved away because we use the winter weather as an excuse not to drive home. But now that summer is approaching, we are starting to stress about the "when are you coming home" phone calls. Honestly, Im not even sure why they call. When we lived within a few miles of everyone, we were not invited to some BQ's and other gatherings. We have always been the last to know anything. Then everyone played dumb like "oh geez...you didnt get the invite?" But as soon as we moved out of state, then everyone misses us. whatever.

I love the movie Four Christmas'. It really fits how hubby and I deal with family.
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Old 04-14-2010, 11:32 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
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here we go again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
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Old 04-15-2010, 05:15 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 41,383,899 times
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My sisters and I don't even get together for Christmas. We all have our own lives and problems, and don't have time for each other. It's not that we have anything against each other. In their case, both of them are married with children, so they have a family to look after. You know, kind of the woman's job?
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Old 04-15-2010, 05:26 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,761,579 times
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Hey, I leave town on the holidays even if by myself to avoid the drama. One year, the day before Thanksgiving, I went into a travel agent and said "What have you got leaving tomorrow?" The next day, by noon, I found myself on the beach in Mexico.
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Old 04-15-2010, 06:13 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 4,473,296 times
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family? meh, who needs them?

all relationships are earnt, not automatic. no matter who it is.
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Old 04-15-2010, 06:16 AM
 
5,702 posts, read 16,188,342 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thursday007 View Post
hey, i leave town on the holidays even if by myself to avoid the drama. One year, the day before thanksgiving, i went into a travel agent and said "what have you got leaving tomorrow?" the next day, by noon, i found myself on the beach in mexico.
lol
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,741,610 times
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Nothing against my family, but they like gatherings and getting together while I prefer solitude or at least quiet.
I rarely see them or talk to them.
And the only person that I'd care to see on a regular basis dies a long time ago.
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