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I'm not going to give up on her yet. I still believe she can change, but like I said I won't be surprised if she doesn't. I have my own life to live. I no longer let her bring me down.
Have you ever had to "say goodbye" or back away from a "toxic" friend? How did it go? .....Did you feel mean or guilty at first for cutting things off?..... Did it take you a long time to realize or admit that the relationship wasn't always "healthy" for you? It's time for me to walk away from someone now and it's definitely not easy....but it's what I have to do to bring more "sanity" into my life.
Oftentimes, it within your very own family with a Parent or a Sibling where youve got to establish a boundary regarding toxicity while still letting them know you love them but cant keep on getting sucked in to whatever the negative-healthy thing happens to be
. Its quite a challenge sometimes .
Interesting topic. I backed off from what seemed like very good friendship about a year ago when a series of events with this person finally opened my eyes.
She was spontaneous and fun and witty, but she was also pathologically self-involved and emotionally unstable (something she would never own up to and wouldn't seek help for). Most of our friendship was built on me pulling her off the pitty pot, trying to bolster her self esteem and helping her through an endless series of ordeals.
What drove me to end it was that it was so one-sided. She was incapable of giving back, and I decided -- after nearly 10 years -- that I didn't have any more energy to expend.
I had to do that with my best friend from high school. It wasn't easy, but there was a sense of relief that when I realized that I didn't have to deal with her volatility anymore.
I had to do this about 8 yrs ago. My situation is complicated because I married my best friend's brother.
My friendship with her was actually winding down but my relationship with her brother was starting to bud. It was really hard on me because I loved my boyfriend aka husband but I did not want to make my toxic friend family. I had a long engagement for 5 years trying to figure it all out. Eventually I got married and I have been with my husband for over 14 yrs now. We are very happy. But 8 yrs ago I finally couldnt take the crap anymore. My former friend aka SIL started a lot of unnecessary crap with me and within the family. She has issues and it eventually caused enough problems that my husband doesnt speak to her anymore either. I decided 8 yrs ago that although she is family I do not need to be her friend too. I was done. Family get togethers are uncomfortable at times. Sometimes she is fake nice to me and other times she pretends I dont exist. I never really know what to expect when the family gets together.
Now with the great invention of facebook, I realized I am friends with people that are friends with my SIL. I feel I always need to be careful on anything I say on line. So things could be worse, you could be like me and end up being related to your toxic friend.
I had someone who was toxic and yet clueless. She had social issues and no tact. One day I told her I could no longer be her friend because she hurt people around me I cared about. I simply said "do not call me, e-mail me or look my way. If I ran into her or was near her in a group I just pretended she was invisible. It worked although she has managed to alienate 3-4 more "friends" since I bailed! I don't regret eliminating her from my life. No drama YAY!
Have you ever had to "say goodbye" or back away from a "toxic" friend? How did it go? .....Did you feel mean or guilty at first for cutting things off?..... Did it take you a long time to realize or admit that the relationship wasn't always "healthy" for you? It's time for me to walk away from someone now and it's definitely not easy....but it's what I have to do to bring more "sanity" into my life.
Yes, I've been there before Not an easy thing to do by wow, what a difference afterwards. I've posted this elsewhere on here before and I truly believe it: Toxic friendships can only go so long before they start poisoning you.
Have you ever had to "say goodbye" or back away from a "toxic" friend? How did it go? .....Did you feel mean or guilty at first for cutting things off?..... Did it take you a long time to realize or admit that the relationship wasn't always "healthy" for you? It's time for me to walk away from someone now and it's definitely not easy....but it's what I have to do to bring more "sanity" into my life.
Another thread on toxic friends or friendships which have run their course.
Either you cut them off radically, with one sharp blow; or, you gradually "divorce" them. You stop returning their calls, or take longer and longer to call them back. If they ever manage to get a hold of you on the phone, either be cold outright or give vague answers and never commit to hanging out.
You say you have something planned this Friday and Saturday and Sunday and just state that you're busy.
Eventually most folks will understand that you do not wish to spend time with them, and they will leave you alone.
Another thread on toxic friends or friendships which have run their course.
Either you cut them off radically, with one sharp blow; or, you gradually "divorce" them. You stop returning their calls, or take longer and longer to call them back. If they ever manage to get a hold of you on the phone, either be cold outright or give vague answers and never commit to hanging out.
You say you have something planned this Friday and Saturday and Sunday and just state that you're busy.
Eventually most folks will understand that you do not wish to spend time with them, and they will leave you alone.
This is what I've done with a friend of mine. She's still a "friend" on Facebook but that's it. We no longer speak on the phone, and when I'm in her city on business I don't tell her, and don't see her. She just got to be too much to deal with.
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Not an easy thing to do by wow, what a difference afterwards. I've posted this elsewhere on here before and I truly believe it: Toxic friendships can only go so long before they start poisoning you.
