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Most marriages that I have seen where couples went on seperate vacations or went out with their single friends on a regular basis have ended in divorce. You HAVE to make your marriage more important than your life with your friends or it won't last. It really is that simple. And...I didn't say you couldn't have friendships with single people. It's just that the husband/wife relationship HAS to come first. If my single friends don't like my husband, that's their issue. I would chose my husband in a heartbeat.
In those instances the separation is probably an excuse for an escape from the marriage, if only for a day or weekend. If that's the case, then the marriage is in trouble from other reasons and not because of the people they hang with.
I've seen relationships (mine included) where the people will take down time to deal with things like work stress. They have the consideration for their mate to not want to dump that on them; there's not much your mate can do but be sympathetic when you've had a rotten work week - and maybe they have as well; so you head out with friends for a long lunch, limited retail therapy, or a weekend away. In those case, it is beneficial to the relationship.
As far as the wife goes, i know many women friends who abhor the idea of their husbands meeting up with friends that he had pre-wife. Of course she feels out of place; she has no idea what they are talking about, doesnt "get" the inside jokes or remembers fun times. She also sees her husband fondly remembering times that she was not part of So she gets pissed and feels left out.
Im sure the guys exchange pleasantries with her. But then go back to talking about old times and since she wasnt part of them she doesnt care about them and wonders why her husband cares since "that was then."
If my husband was meeting a few times a year or whatever with old college friends i would stay home knowing full well that i have no stories to share with these people and i wouldnt want my husband to think he had to entertain me. Let him go out with the friends and have a great time for goodness sake.
Sorry for any typos. I am getting used to the ipad keyboard.
Let me also add that this woman has pulled stunts like:
* Guilting Bob into not going away for a mancation with all of us.
* Forbids Bob from talking about "the good old days" in college. She's get's too "depressed" because she wasn't there with us to partake in the conversations".
* Will make Bob take her home early from a function because she's bored.
Ugh, I am getting nauseous just thinking about this Debbie Downer.
Your friend has been totally, completely dominated and p-whipped by his wife.
Maybe he should stand up to her and be a man again.
I have two very dear friends from college (they're brothers). We were roommates for three years and were basically inseparable. Let's call them Mike and Bob.
We all graduated and moved on with our lives but always kept in contact with one another until one of the siblings got married. Since this marriage, he ceased to keep in touch (except when we all get together for a little reunion), and his wife, being the black hole that she is, acts depressed when all of the roommates get together to take a stroll down memory lane. It gets so bad that she goes into another room and he chases after her to make sure she is OK. Have I mentioned I hate this woman with a passion?
The other sibling and I are still very close, although there are cracks starting to show in the friendship. Now, he knows I hate his brothers wife but it has never stopped us from getting together for the occasional cookout or gathering until a few months ago where Mike let it slip that Bob doesn't understand why he has to come up to visit and he doesn't understand why I just cant go to South Jersey to visit (I've gone down there countless times to see them).
I am getting the feeling that since I no longer make an effort to keep in touch with Bob, Mike will feel awkward and end our friendship as well.
Is my gut feeling right on this? Would love to hear some opinions.
Thanks,
DJC
My secretary just finished reading this post and she said her "GAYDAR" went off. That certainly could explain a few things!
Growing up is hard and maybe you're not ready for it. You could grow a pair yourself and have a sober, adult conversation with your friend and his wife about how you feel. Maybe then you all could come to an understanding?
Growing up is hard and maybe you're not ready for it. You could grow a pair yourself and have a sober, adult conversation with your friend and his wife about how you feel. Maybe then you all could come to an understanding?
Actually, I think that sounds like a recipe for killing the friendship.
As far as the wife goes, i know many women friends who abhor the idea of their husbands meeting up with friends that he had pre-wife. Of course she feels out of place; she has no idea what they are talking about, doesnt "get" the inside jokes or remembers fun times. She also sees her husband fondly remembering times that she was not part of So she gets pissed and feels left out.
Im sure the guys exchange pleasantries with her. But then go back to talking about old times and since she wasnt part of them she doesnt care about them and wonders why her husband cares since "that was then."
If my husband was meeting a few times a year or whatever with old college friends i would stay home knowing full well that i have no stories to share with these people and i wouldnt want my husband to think he had to entertain me. Let him go out with the friends and have a great time for goodness sake.
Sorry for any typos. I am getting used to the ipad keyboard.
Get a wireless keyboard and turn bluetooth on
$74.99
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