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Old 04-06-2012, 02:57 PM
 
Location: USA
6,171 posts, read 3,497,516 times
Reputation: 2035
yep they sux lol..
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:19 PM
 
24,591 posts, read 25,653,468 times
Reputation: 32755
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Really? Despise is a strong word. This would almost entail shutting out people from your life that have endured exceedingly difficult setbacks. Among these would be rape, incest, death of a spouse, financial setbacks, etc. I know a rape "survivor" who hasn't survived it at all. It caused her to get divorced, she works at a professional job and goes home to a smallish suburban home, has cut many people off, and still has "take back that night" themed postings periodically on her FB wall. There are people like this in everyone's life. We can't just discard them and surround ourselves exclusively with "feel good" folks. Personally, I know a "mix" of people - happy ones and sad ones. That's life.
What? You think my life has been a non-stop performance of "Up With People"? That I haven't dealt with trauma, disappointment, grief and tragedy? Hey, I haven't had to deal with something like rape, but there have been awful things that have indeed happened in my life, things that have caused me and family major setbacks. I have seen terrible things. I have helped others through terrible things. And while I certainly don't want to sound like a cheesy motivational poster, one's attitude in those situations really make all the difference between being someone who prevails in the face of adversity and someone who never recovers. As Plato said, everyone is fighting a hard battle. Some just choose to put their troubles out there where everybody can see it, forcing everybody else to emotionally shoulder part of the load.

What's more, the kind of person you describe isn't really the kind of person we're talking about here. I'm talking about the person for whom nothing is interesting, nothing is good, nothing has the potential to be positive, and nothing is enjoyable. These are the people who cannot be content with a friend or loved one enjoying good fortune. These are the people who cannot be happy for others. These are the people who, when good things happen, have to ruin the moment. These are the people who can't let everyone enjoy a perfectly sunny day, warning instead that it will rain in the morning.

Whenever I deal with these kinds of people, I remember a man who lived in our neighborhood, Mr. Lang. A kind, European man who who loved to talk to the kids. He never minded when we played on his lawn and he always bought lemonade, raffle tickets, and whatever school fundraiser we had. Mr. Lang was a cartographer by trade and owned a map store near my house. Every once in a while, I'd hang out in his map store and he would show me really interesting maps and explain cartography to me, a passion I've had ever since. Mr. Lang was kind, generous, and infinitely patient.

It wasn't until I was a teenager that I noticed the numbers tattooed on his forearm. To this day, I remember walking into the kitchen and asking my mom about it. She put down her cooking and told me how he had survived the concentration camps and lost every one in his family. He immigrated to the U.S. without knowing a soul and took up the only trade he had ever known. He did remarry, but never had kids again. As my mom put it, "Whenever I think I have troubles, all I have to do is think about Mr. Lang." So if ever there was someone who had a right to be negative, he was it. Yet he was one of the most positive, life affirming people I ever knew.

So yeah, those are the people I do my level best to expunge from my life. Not the ones who have true problems, but the ones who try to invent them. Not the ones who are trying to overcome whatever adversity they've suffered, but the ones who continue to wallow in it years later.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:42 PM
 
14,755 posts, read 14,152,219 times
Reputation: 8134
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
It wasn't until I was a teenager that I noticed the numbers tattooed on his forearm. To this day, I remember walking into the kitchen and asking my mom about it. She put down her cooking and told me how he had survived the concentration camps and lost every one in his family. He immigrated to the U.S. without knowing a soul and took up the only trade he had ever known. He did remarry, but never had kids again. As my mom put it, "Whenever I think I have troubles, all I have to do is think about Mr. Lang." So if ever there was someone who had a right to be negative, he was it. Yet he was one of the most positive, life affirming people I ever knew.

So yeah, those are the people I do my level best to expunge from my life. Not the ones who have true problems, but the ones who try to invent them. Not the ones who are trying to overcome whatever adversity they've suffered, but the ones who continue to wallow in it years later.
True, there are these people. Not to be kitsch, look at Dr. Ruth. She dealt with that experience in her own life, and is insanely funny...both in the media and in real life. I have the exact same story you do. While in college, I worked at a hospital in SoCal. There was this one elderly Jewish lady I would talk to when I ran into her. I liked her Eastern European/Germanic accent. One day, I was standing over her desk and her sleeve had pulled itself up over her watch. I saw the numbers on her wrist. I knew exactly what that signified. She is the only person I have ever known to have endured that experience. Yet, she was happily married and had two sons.

I am just saying that everyone processes things differently. Some take longer. Some never get over it. What can we do? This woman I know who was raped will never process it, but she will continue to be high-functioning. Another example is the Cubans who immigrated, with whose kids I became friends. Their parents, many of them affluent in their native Cuba, left with the shirts on their backs, and some rebuilt. Most did. A few didn't. One Cuban friend has a mother that is a nut job, high functioning for the most part, but she was an only child and never saw her parents, who remained in Cuba, again. Again, what can we do? People are the sum total of their life experiences.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:48 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 4,546,947 times
Reputation: 7272
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
What? You think my life has been a non-stop performance of "Up With People"? That I haven't dealt with trauma, disappointment, grief and tragedy? Hey, I haven't had to deal with something like rape, but there have been awful things that have indeed happened in my life, things that have caused me and family major setbacks. I have seen terrible things. I have helped others through terrible things. And while I certainly don't want to sound like a cheesy motivational poster, one's attitude in those situations really make all the difference between being someone who prevails in the face of adversity and someone who never recovers. As Plato said, everyone is fighting a hard battle. Some just choose to put their troubles out there where everybody can see it, forcing everybody else to emotionally shoulder part of the load.

What's more, the kind of person you describe isn't really the kind of person we're talking about here. I'm talking about the person for whom nothing is interesting, nothing is good, nothing has the potential to be positive, and nothing is enjoyable. These are the people who cannot be content with a friend or loved one enjoying good fortune. These are the people who cannot be happy for others. These are the people who, when good things happen, have to ruin the moment. These are the people who can't let everyone enjoy a perfectly sunny day, warning instead that it will rain in the morning.

Whenever I deal with these kinds of people, I remember a man who lived in our neighborhood, Mr. Lang. A kind, European man who who loved to talk to the kids. He never minded when we played on his lawn and he always bought lemonade, raffle tickets, and whatever school fundraiser we had. Mr. Lang was a cartographer by trade and owned a map store near my house. Every once in a while, I'd hang out in his map store and he would show me really interesting maps and explain cartography to me, a passion I've had ever since. Mr. Lang was kind, generous, and infinitely patient.

It wasn't until I was a teenager that I noticed the numbers tattooed on his forearm. To this day, I remember walking into the kitchen and asking my mom about it. She put down her cooking and told me how he had survived the concentration camps and lost every one in his family. He immigrated to the U.S. without knowing a soul and took up the only trade he had ever known. He did remarry, but never had kids again. As my mom put it, "Whenever I think I have troubles, all I have to do is think about Mr. Lang." So if ever there was someone who had a right to be negative, he was it. Yet he was one of the most positive, life affirming people I ever knew.

So yeah, those are the people I do my level best to expunge from my life. Not the ones who have true problems, but the ones who try to invent them. Not the ones who are trying to overcome whatever adversity they've suffered, but the ones who continue to wallow in it years later.

well here's what I've learned about people: they hit an upswing in life and feel like that gives them carte blanche to go around telling everyone 'what their problem is'
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:52 PM
 
24,591 posts, read 25,653,468 times
Reputation: 32755
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
well here's what I've learned about people: they hit an upswing in life and feel like that gives them carte blanche to go around telling everyone 'what their problem is'
Pffft. Here's what I've learned about people. People who mope through life never have an upswing, because upswings typically happen for people who persevere. Negative people are too busy wallowing in their misery, obsessing over what life did to them.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 4,546,947 times
Reputation: 7272
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Pffft. Here's what I've learned about people. People who mope through life never have an upswing, because upswings typically happen for people who persevere. Negative people are too busy wallowing in their misery, obsessing over what life did to them.

if your life is in an upswing that is all you should be concerned about, not someone else's situation. Honestly I couldn't care less about someone else's 'upswing' outside of saying 'that's great for them.' Nor should they feel the need to tell me 'what my problem is.' A person who is as you say 'wallowing' or never going to persevere, who cares? That's a bad situation for them but doesn't extend to you and yours. In other words, people should mind their own damn business.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:03 PM
 
24,591 posts, read 25,653,468 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
if your life is in an upswing that is all you should be concerned about, not someone else's situation. Honestly I couldn't care less about someone else's 'upswing' outside of saying 'that's great for them.' Nor should they feel the need to tell me 'what my problem is.' In other words, people should mind their own damn business.
But that's not the point of the thread. The point of the thread is whether or not you allow perpetually negative people in your life. I don't, because the relentlessly negative people out there are really narcissists. They believe the entire world revolves around them and their troubles, and they insist that everybody else conform to their own blighted world view. They take secret joy in dragging everyone else down with them.

Hey, if a friend suffers the death of a loved one, I'm there. If a friend is experiencing major career struggles, I'll help him all day long. If a person has had a major disruption in life, count on me. But when someone was a Sad Sack twenty years ago and is a Sad Sack today, then who needs them? Happiness really is a decision.

Hey, if you want to spend the rest of your days bending every available ear around about how life has wronged you, knock yourself out. But don't be surprised when people stop returning your calls and making themselves scarce.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:11 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 4,546,947 times
Reputation: 7272
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
But that's not the point of the thread. The point of the thread is whether or not you allow perpetually negative people in your life. I don't, because the relentlessly negative people out there are really narcissists. They believe the entire world revolves around them and their troubles, and they insist that everybody else conform to their own blighted world view. They take secret joy in dragging everyone else down with them.

Hey, if a friend suffers the death of a loved one, I'm there. If a friend is experiencing major career struggles, I'll help him all day long. If a person has had a major disruption in life, count on me. But when someone was a Sad Sack twenty years ago and is a Sad Sack today, then who needs them? Happiness really is a decision.

Hey, if you want to spend the rest of your days bending every available ear around about how life has wronged you, knock yourself out. But don't be surprised when people stop returning your calls and making themselves scarce.
No I'll tell you what the point of the thread is: for folks to bash people that don't think and handle situations as they would. What's ironic is they 'hate' or 'despise' these so called negative thinkers for thinking negatively but isn't that what they are doing by saying they 'hate' or 'despise these people, 'cut them out of their lives, etc. LOL. I don't take joy in bringing someone down, if they're so damn happy, what does it matter what I think about their lives? They can go on their merry way and continue to be confident in their decisions.


Again, get 'rid' of these people if you don't want them around. Making a drama out of it and furthering to kick them down a hole, IMO, is for that person to feel like they are a bigger, better person.

lastly, who said anything about every negative person bending ears -- if anything I see so called 'happy go lucky people' talking about their various fu*k ups and dramas in life, constantly trying to get advice. I don't tell those people anything that is going on with me b/c again, it's none of their damn buisness. And LOL @ people not returning my calls and making themselves scare to me. They can feel free to go on with their happy existences and not worry about me and what I'm doing.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:23 PM
 
24,591 posts, read 25,653,468 times
Reputation: 32755
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
No I'll tell you what the point of the thread is: for folks to bash people that don't think and handle situations as they would. What's ironic is they 'hate' or 'despise' these so called negative thinkers for thinking negatively but isn't that what they are doing by saying they 'hate' or 'despise these people, 'cut them out of their lives, etc. LOL. I don't take joy in bringing someone down, if they're so damn happy, what does it matter what I think about their lives? They can go on their merry way and continue to be confident in their decisions.


Again, get 'rid' of these people if you don't want them around. Making a drama out of it and furthering to kick them down a hole, IMO, is for that person to feel like they are a bigger, better person.

lastly, who said anything about every negative person bending ears -- if anything I see so called 'happy go lucky people' talking about their various fu*k ups and dramas in life, constantly trying to get advice. I don't tell those people anything that is going on with me b/c again, it's none of their damn buisness. And LOL @ people not returning my calls and making themselves scare to me. They can feel free to go on with their happy existences and not worry about me and what I'm doing.
Blah blah blah blah blah blahbity blah. If only it were that easy. But you really can't remove these people wholly from your life. And despite what you say, these people have a definite effect on the people around them.

Just go into a workplace where one or two of these people exist. My God. Everybody else has to tiptoe around them. This person devotes her day to sniping at everything that other people do, whether it's the sales guy, the supervisor, or the co-workers. They always complain about change. They always complain that some new initiative won't work. They always complain about some customer. What's more, their attitudes are infectious. So you have to root them out of a company like a freaking cancer. Because that's what they are.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Armsanta Sorad
4,994 posts, read 3,348,712 times
Reputation: 1881
No. Sometimes people gotta be negative to make sure whoever they're with is legit.
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