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Yeah, I'm trying to be open minded with the advice, but it's a bit hard to take.
J and I are still discussing this. A just called today to ask for a ride to the airport this week. And J didn't make any mention of what happened a couple days ago. That kind of bothers me.
Yeah, I'm trying to be open minded with the advice, but it's a bit hard to take.
J and I are still discussing this. A just called today to ask for a ride to the airport this week. And J didn't make any mention of what happened a couple days ago. That kind of bothers me.
Oh well, we'll see what happens.
Thanks for the replies, good and bad.
did he tell him no and that he was too busy spending time with you to drive him to the airport or did "A" expect "J" to drop everything and drive him to the airport even thought "J" was busy with his GF.
While you raise some excellent points, I'm a bit uncomfortable telling my boyfriend who he can/'t be friends with. They have a long history together so J feels obligated to keep in touch with A. It's definitely an annoying situation, but I just don't like the idea of driving a further wedge between them.
I totally agree with this!!! You have to roll with the punches.....good..bad..annoying...and obnoxious...especially in a relationship!!! It would probably make the relationship kind of weird if you were to tell him that he couldn't be friends with A even though A seems to be a...well....A! LOL....Now...regarding your story!!! Lol....WOW!! They had a night full of fun didn't they...and was determined to make sure you guys were apart of it...I completely understand your frustration!!! WOW!! Who does that? Thats the thing about friends...BUT SHEESH!!!
did he tell him no and that he was too busy spending time with you to drive him to the airport or did "A" expect "J" to drop everything and drive him to the airport even thought "J" was busy with his GF.
I'm sorry, I'll drop the initials and just go by "Jake" and "Andy" from now on to make it a bit easier to read.
Andy called today to ask for a ride on Tuesday. I was a bit irritated because they were having a pretty long coversation...I don't answer my phone when we're hanging out unless it's one of my parents, but I was probably just being selfish by getting annoyed. But he could tell it bothered me that he was spending so long on the phone and he just told Andy that he would call him back to talk about it later.
So I have no idea if Jake is taking him or not. I guess it doesn't really matter. I just hate seeing someone I love be taken advantage of. I could understand if this happened once in a while, but before Andy got a car, Jake took him EVERYWHERE. I'm talking multiple rides per day. No reimbursment for gas or anything. It was ridiculous.
The reasoning behind this thing on Tuesday I can understand; Andy needs to park his car at the airport he'll be returning to and needs a ride to the one he's leaving from. It just still bothers me that they're both acting like nothing even happened.
Whatever, Jake knows that he's on thin ice right now. A couple weeks ago I was left sleeping in his room on a night that we were supposed to spend just the two of us, because he and Andy wanted to go on a car ride together. Of course it was a roadie. Brilliant Andy just loves driving f*cked up. What was supposed to be a "15 minute drive" turned into over an hour because they got "lost". We've driven the roads around here so many times...that's just the worst excuse I've ever heard. It's impossible to get lost within 15 minutes of his house. I'm so exhausted. It's so hard to stay positive sometimes and I feel bad dwelling on the past. I just need to learn to get over it.
Sigh. Sorry for ranting. I'm having a $hitty day and this whole situation is still on my mind. Wish it would just go away.
Last edited by mchelle; 06-06-2010 at 06:13 PM..
Reason: Typo
I can't believe this happened today. I feel like I'm in a sitcom or something.
I was hanging out with my boyfriend (J) and he was getting texts from a good friend of his (A). Eventually A called and left a voicemail. J called back and it turned out to be a random friend of A's on his phone saying that they were going to be stopping by to smoke J's pot and use his bathroom. J apologized and told them that he was going to sleep and thought that would be the end of it.
Imagine our surprise when at 2 in the morning, three guys walk into my boyfriend's house. His mom was awake because she typically works third shift, but his dad was trying to sleep. Meanwhile the dog is barking like crazy at the people. I couldn't believe they thought that was acceptable!
So then A comes into J's bedroom where we are and they start talking. J asks why A came over when he said not to, and A made up an excuse about how he didn't get the text until they were already here. When J pointed out that his dad was trying to sleep, A asked extremely sarcastically if he was the one making noise or if it was the dog. I chimed in and said I thought the dog was barking...because of him! He then said that he was being perfectly quiet and didn't see what the problem was.
The worst part was that as the two continued to argue, A acted in such a condescending manner toward J I wanted to punch him. Who storms into a supposedly good friend's house and then starts arguing with him?
Thankfully A left, but I am still floored by this. Later A texted J saying that he thought it was sad that he couldn't be bothered to share his pot, insinuating that J was the bad guy and turned them away merely because he didn't want to share. Oh yeah, it's definitely that. Not the fact that it's TWO IN THE FREAKING MORNING or anything. Oh and you just brought basically strangers into J's parent's house. Oh did I mention they were RUNNING FROM THE COPS moments before they came here?
J's family has decided to keep the front door locked from now on so people can't do this in the future, so this should NEVER happen again. But am I crazy for being so upset? How would you have reacted if this happened to you?
(Sorry if my grammar/spelling isn't the best, I'm still furious as I'm typing this. )
A would have s**t & pissed himself after he realized he was staring down the business end of a .45
Sigh. Sorry for ranting. I'm having a $hitty day and this whole situation is still on my mind. Wish it would just go away.
Well it sounds like it and similar future situations ain't going away until either A goes away, or A grows up, or you cut J loose. And it doesn't sound like "A grows up" is going to happen any time soon, so you might want to consider having a chat with J about the remaining two options, namely in the form of "A goes away, or I do."
So how does this tie in with your original question? Like so: your final option is to continue to gnash your teeth and put up with A's antics -- in which case your grounds for getting mad at A for being a right imbecile in ways that impact you diminish with each episode, because you've signaled your willingness to tolerate it.
I'm sorry, I'll drop the initials and just go by "Jake" and "Andy" from now on to make it a bit easier to read.
Andy called today to ask for a ride on Tuesday. I was a bit irritated because they were having a pretty long coversation...I don't answer my phone when we're hanging out unless it's one of my parents, but I was probably just being selfish by getting annoyed. But he could tell it bothered me that he was spending so long on the phone and he just told Andy that he would call him back to talk about it later.
So I have no idea if Jake is taking him or not. I guess it doesn't really matter. I just hate seeing someone I love be taken advantage of. I could understand if this happened once in a while, but before Andy got a car, Jake took him EVERYWHERE. I'm talking multiple rides per day. No reimbursment for gas or anything. It was ridiculous.
The reasoning behind this thing on Tuesday I can understand; Andy needs to park his car at the airport he'll be returning to and needs a ride to the one he's leaving from. It just still bothers me that they're both acting like nothing even happened.
Whatever, Jake knows that he's on thin ice right now. A couple weeks ago I was left sleeping in his room on a night that we were supposed to spend just the two of us, because he and Andy wanted to go on a car ride together. Of course it was a roadie. Brilliant Andy just loves driving f*cked up. What was supposed to be a "15 minute drive" turned into over an hour because they got "lost". We've driven the roads around here so many times...that's just the worst excuse I've ever heard. It's impossible to get lost within 15 minutes of his house. I'm so exhausted. It's so hard to stay positive sometimes and I feel bad dwelling on the past. I just need to learn to get over it.
Sigh. Sorry for ranting. I'm having a $hitty day and this whole situation is still on my mind. Wish it would just go away.
ouch that sucks so he ditched you to go hang out with his friend when it was supposed to your time that he spent with you. that would p*ss me off too it makes it even worse that "A" like's to drive under the influence because he could not only hurt himself but others and they left you wondering by yourself if "J" will be ok so they could go get loaded. That was pretty disrespectful to you and to lie about it afterwards makes it seem "J' would rather go get high and drive around with his friends then spend quality time with you.
Ok ..Nice story....lol.....I was truly entertained, but the last paragraph where you said J's family was now going to keep the door locked was like, "whhaaatt?" because I've never lived anywhere where I felt it was safe to keep your door unlocked. What town do you guys live in?
I can't tell you how many times I go to bed and get up in the morning and the garage door is wide open, or the front door unlocked. Unintentional of course - my son is up later than I and I tell him to lock up, but obviously he has a memory problem. Thankfully, we do live in a relatively safe neighborhood. There are a few left!!
While you raise some excellent points, I'm a bit uncomfortable telling my boyfriend who he can/'t be friends with. They have a long history together so J feels obligated to keep in touch with A. It's definitely an annoying situation, but I just don't like the idea of driving a further wedge between them.
You aren't supposed to. What you ARE supposed to do, is decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone that keeps such poor company. His friends are HIS deal...part of his "baggage". He obviously has miles to go in learning how to choose his friends wisely. Not your deal, or your responsibility.
Well it sounds like it and similar future situations ain't going away until either A goes away, or A grows up, or you cut J loose. And it doesn't sound like "A grows up" is going to happen any time soon, so you might want to consider having a chat with J about the following options "A goes away, or I do."
Or, you can continue to gnash your teeth and put up with it, which doesn't sound very good for your mental health.
(I'm using "Jake" and "Andy" in place of the letters to make it easier to read.)
I'm so stuck on what to do. I wish I could just forget about this stuff, but I can't. I don't want this to happen again. I can't break up with Jake. I just can't. I care about him too much to do that. But I also don't want to be a b*tch and tell him who to be friends with. I tried telling him that I don't want to be around Andy anymore but that doesn't really work when Andy calls and they spend time talking on the phone together when I'm there. Jake is a great person until Andy gets involved. It really sucks.
I don't know how far to go with this. I feel awful and selfish for feeling this way over the phone call. But the other events that have happened just have me in super-b*tch mode. When Andy creates new problems for us, it just brings up everything that has happened in the past - and there have been quite a few previous situations like this. I don't want my relationship to be this way.
Lol, I can't keep putting up with it. I'm so stressed, frustrated, annoyed, depressed....Blah. I want to be able to accept people for who they are. I want to be a good person, a good girlfriend...but I can't stand Andy! But isn't that MY problem? Should I really let my problem with this person affect my boyfriend's friendship?
Sigh. Maybe now I am open for advice.
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We've driven the roads around here so many times...that's just the worst excuse I've ever heard. It's impossible to get lost within 15 minutes of his house. I'm so exhausted. It's so hard to stay positive sometimes and I feel bad dwelling on the past. I just need to learn to get over it.
His mom was awake because she typically works third shift, but his dad was trying to sleep. Meanwhile the dog is barking like crazy at the people. I couldn't believe they thought that was acceptable! 
Who storms into a supposedly good friend's house and then starts arguing with him? 
Thankfully, we do live in a relatively safe neighborhood. There are a few left!! 
