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Old 09-18-2010, 05:43 PM
 
Location: Granite Falls
10 posts, read 12,398 times
Reputation: 15

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I made a thread awhile back asking about how transplants adjusted down here to try and find someone to relate to. Moving down here sadly was the biggest mistake in my life. This move was suppose to be a beautiful sun and weather to wake up to and great friendly people, double the money we made up in Ny and just a better life for our kids. I think right now I'm at the point of depression I'm just at a loss where to go from here..

We came down here on vacation originally back in 1998. Seeing so much positive weather, people and money compared to Ny we decided to move. I had a few family members down here already in Charlotte. So my husband applied at a few jobs and being a master carver up in Ny he was offered a job right away more then double his pay in NY. We moved right away to Conover. My husband got caught up into how forward as he puts it the women are down here. He said the women at the plant would flash him and other co workers randomly at a moments notice. Being with my husband since we were 16 yrs old(now 22 yrs), he got caught up in the attention and had a affair with a married co worker. That was pain itself the first heartache I had to go through moving here. It devestated me terrible.
The second was soon after the affair was my 30th birthday and a co worker from Gastonia wanted to take me out for a girls night, play some pool and just celebrate my birthday. Sure why not? We ended up in Charlotte which she let me know to have a few drinks and she would be the DD and I could crash on her couch for the night so I didnt drive all the way to Conover. Sure sounds good... When we got to playing pool she had met some random guy that she decided to take to her place. Not being a 3rd wheel she said she had a neighbor that was a good friend of hers that would let me stay on his couch. She assured me he was a harmless old man. When her neighbor opened the door he was like 5 foot tall, small little guy. Not that it matters but I thought at the time, safe enough. So I finally settled on his couch and next thing I knew he was on top of me trying to rape me. I was completely able to get him off me and leave but I left with bruises and had to drive home drunk. Needless to say, I attempted to make other friends but they all seemed the same. I had one friend leave me at a burger king 2am on hwy 16 and I had to find a ride home. Seemed like every women I met would meet some guy and just dump me wherever. So yeah I'm a bit slow but finally just quit making friends or even going out. I didnt even go out that often it was just horrible whenever I did. Then 2001 came with the 9-11...everyone knows the furniture industried died down. We ended up losing our home, vehicle and living in Charlotte with my mom who just went through a cancer operation. Trying to see the positive in it, she needed me to take care of her so I was ment to lose my home I guess. It was just awlful though because that Christmas we had nothing to give our kids and nobody could help. If you ever wake up on Christmas and your kids have nothing, its the worst feeling in the world. I know material things shouldnt make it or break it but it really does. Kids dont understand at that age. So mom was healing and income tax rolled around where we could head back to the Hickory area. We ended up going through a reality company that rented out houses. Moving in it looked all newly painted. It was a run down house but definetly livable. After time had past the cheap paint they used started peeling showing the mold underneath. They had even painted the bathtub where we had paint chips in the tub when we took a bath. Complaining to them did absolutly no good. A tree in the yard had finally broke that was dying and I had complained about as well. Their insurance had to cover all expenses. When we received that, we moved to Sawmills. We bought a run down trailer that was so affordable we may actually get back on our feet. Then the neighbor was a single mom with 3 boys. After 6 months living there the oldest son had raped my 14 yr old at the time. When we pressed charges against the son, the mother went crazy on us. She would yell outside her home that my daughter deserved being raped, they would trash our car in the middle of the night, the harrassment went on for months. She even went so far to steal our dog. I even had a restaining order placed on her but everytime the cops came they would say if they dont witness it theres nothing they could do to her. When the court date came the son only got probation, no time served no lesson learned. They continued to harrass us and nothing I could do about it besides move. That happened 2 yrs ago. We now live in a house that we rent and pretty much cant afford. I keep to myself,absolutely no contact to the outside world besides the computer. I feel so stuck here and so depressed. My spirit and heart has been ripped out of me all this time living here, piece by piece. I have no faith in people anymore but feel so alone at the same time... As for my mom, she passed a year after surgery. The cancer had spread all throughout her body including her brain. I was told on a friday that she would live for maybe 6 months. They basically doped her up where I couldnt talked to her, she just slept day after day. She passed the following friday.... She took such a huge chunk of me with her, she was my best friend...

 
Old 09-18-2010, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Granite Falls
10 posts, read 12,398 times
Reputation: 15
Default My point is..

Seriously people be good to each other. You dont know who your bashing or judging. You dont know their story, their pain or tears they are already dealing with on top of just the everyday bs they go through. I miss the old days when people came together and helped others. I use to mow my elder neighbor lawns for free, just to help out. In passing I used to smile or just a simple hello. I use to be alive and excited about waking up everyday. I just wish people were nicer to each other, we are all we have in this world and without its a lonely world...
 
Old 09-18-2010, 06:28 PM
 
1,500 posts, read 2,345,361 times
Reputation: 3571
It sounds like you've been through a lot and I sympathize. However I don't really think it's fair to blame NC. But given all you've been through, maybe it's time for a fresh start.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 07:12 PM
 
Location: A Thousand Miles From Nowhere
427 posts, read 450,287 times
Reputation: 344
You obviously have had to endure a healhy dose of cold and harsh realities, not the least of which the passing of your mother. That loss in itself can rock even the sturdiest of foundations. But don't let it.

You can settle into your own little paradise but you better believe that the opportunity afforded to you and your family was also a tempting wide-open door to every Tom, Dick and Harry around(with my apologizes to Tom, Dick and Harry).

In other words, what happened to you, your husband, and your daughter could have happened anywhere on this planet. Any city, any state, anywhere.

Your husband, well, he had the opportunity and he took it. Perhaps that speaks to his character.
 
Old 09-18-2010, 07:40 PM
 
1,013 posts, read 2,647,349 times
Reputation: 757
Sadly, the biggest mistake of your life was NOT moving down here, but your husband, friends and other circumstances you brought upon yourself.

Sorry, but I would have chosen a hotel over staying in someone's house YOU do not know. If you could not get home by taxi or friends OR stay at a hotel, you should not have gone to the party.

To blame this on your move to NC is ridiculous really. Sorry it happened to you, but sh** happens everywhere.

Back in the town I use to live in up North, in the house across the street from us, the husband cold bloodly murdered his wife in front of there three children............just sayin. There is no land of oz.


ETA;

Just a question, but the friends of yours that had moved down here before you, did there S/O's cheat on them? Did they get drunk and sleep in strangers houses to get attacked?
 
Old 09-19-2010, 04:02 AM
 
Location: Granite Falls
10 posts, read 12,398 times
Reputation: 15
All of the replies so far has been focused on me blaming NC???? I dont recall blaming the state, that would be crazy. Only thing I said was moving here was the biggest mistake I had ever made. If I had moved to Florida I would feel the same. Moving anywhere in the country is a big adjustment. I wasnt blaming North Carolina, I'm blaming the move itself. Mike, I dont think its fair to blame this entire thing and say I asked for it. ANY person you encounter you cant predict their real true character. I agree there are signs to watch out for but I had no reason to think things would turn for the worst. There is absolutely nothing wrong with co workers going out for a girls night and playing pool. The DD was covered and the place to sleep that night. To predict what she was going to pull next, come on.. your ridiculous for expecting anyone to know the future. I read a quote once that really stuck with me, "People get more satisfaction in judging then they do understanding" I'll repost my point so theres no more confusion on NC..

My point is..
Seriously people be good to each other. You dont know who your bashing or judging. You dont know their story, their pain or tears they are already dealing with on top of just the everyday bs they go through. I miss the old days when people came together and helped others. I use to mow my elder neighbor lawns for free, just to help out. In passing I used to smile or just a simple hello. I use to be alive and excited about waking up everyday. I just wish people were nicer to each other, we are all we have in this world and without its a lonely world...

Last edited by Yankeelnthesouth; 09-19-2010 at 04:53 AM..
 
Old 09-19-2010, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Charlotte
2,447 posts, read 6,641,576 times
Reputation: 1389
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yankeelnthesouth View Post
I made a thread awhile back asking about how transplants adjusted down here to try and find someone to relate to. Moving down here sadly was the biggest mistake in my life.

This move was suppose to be a beautiful sun and weather to wake up to and great friendly people, double the money we made up in Ny and just a better life for our kids. I think right now I'm at the point of depression I'm just at a loss where to go from here..

We came down here on vacation originally back in 1998. Seeing so much positive weather, people and money compared to Ny we decided to move. I had a few family members down here already in Charlotte. So my husband applied at a few jobs and being a master carver up in Ny he was offered a job right away more then double his pay in NY. We moved right away to Conover.

My husband got caught up into how forward as he puts it the women are down here. He said the women at the plant would flash him and other co workers randomly at a moments notice. Being with my husband since we were 16 yrs old(now 22 yrs), he got caught up in the attention and had a affair with a married co worker. That was pain itself the first heartache I had to go through moving here. It devestated me terrible.

The second was soon after the affair was my 30th birthday and a co worker from Gastonia wanted to take me out for a girls night, play some pool and just celebrate my birthday. Sure why not? We ended up in Charlotte which she let me know to have a few drinks and she would be the DD and I could crash on her couch for the night so I didnt drive all the way to Conover. Sure sounds good...

When we got to playing pool she had met some random guy that she decided to take to her place. Not being a 3rd wheel she said she had a neighbor that was a good friend of hers that would let me stay on his couch. She assured me he was a harmless old man. When her neighbor opened the door he was like 5 foot tall, small little guy. Not that it matters but I thought at the time, safe enough. So I finally settled on his couch and next thing I knew he was on top of me trying to rape me. I was completely able to get him off me and leave but I left with bruises and had to drive home drunk. Needless to say,

I attempted to make other friends but they all seemed the same. I had one friend leave me at a burger king 2am on hwy 16 and I had to find a ride home. Seemed like every women I met would meet some guy and just dump me wherever. So yeah I'm a bit slow but finally just quit making friends or even going out. I didnt even go out that often it was just horrible whenever I did.

Then 2001 came with the 9-11...everyone knows the furniture industried died down. We ended up losing our home, vehicle and living in Charlotte with my mom who just went through a cancer operation. Trying to see the positive in it, she needed me to take care of her so I was ment to lose my home I guess. It was just awlful though because that Christmas we had nothing to give our kids and nobody could help. If you ever wake up on Christmas and your kids have nothing, its the worst feeling in the world. I know material things shouldnt make it or break it but it really does. Kids dont understand at that age. So mom was healing and income tax rolled around where we could head back to the Hickory area.

We ended up going through a reality company that rented out houses. Moving in it looked all newly painted. It was a run down house but definetly livable. After time had past the cheap paint they used started peeling showing the mold underneath. They had even painted the bathtub where we had paint chips in the tub when we took a bath. Complaining to them did absolutly no good. A tree in the yard had finally broke that was dying and I had complained about as well. Their insurance had to cover all expenses. When we received that, we moved to Sawmills.

We bought a run down trailer that was so affordable we may actually get back on our feet. Then the neighbor was a single mom with 3 boys. After 6 months living there the oldest son had raped my 14 yr old at the time. When we pressed charges against the son, the mother went crazy on us. She would yell outside her home that my daughter deserved being raped, they would trash our car in the middle of the night, the harrassment went on for months. She even went so far to steal our dog. I even had a restaining order placed on her but everytime the cops came they would say if they dont witness it theres nothing they could do to her.

When the court date came the son only got probation, no time served no lesson learned. They continued to harrass us and nothing I could do about it besides move. That happened 2 yrs ago. We now live in a house that we rent and pretty much cant afford. I keep to myself,absolutely no contact to the outside world besides the computer.

I feel so stuck here and so depressed. My spirit and heart has been ripped out of me all this time living here, piece by piece. I have no faith in people anymore but feel so alone at the same time... As for my mom, she passed a year after surgery. The cancer had spread all throughout her body including her brain. I was told on a friday that she would live for maybe 6 months. They basically doped her up where I couldnt talked to her, she just slept day after day. She passed the following friday.... She took such a huge chunk of me with her, she was my best friend...
{hugs to you} I'm sorry you've had a rough time. I agree with others that it could have been in Anywhere, USA; There are many nice and kind people here in NC. I think everyone benefits when we show care and compassion to others.

I encourage you to seek professional help for your depression and sincerely wish you the best of luck.
 
Old 09-19-2010, 09:11 AM
 
2,826 posts, read 4,131,019 times
Reputation: 6808
I am so sorry for the difficulties you have faced. I do have to agree with some of the other posters though. Your husband had the affair and it does speak to his character. You made some bad choices and chose some very poor 'friends'.

I also agree that we all need to be kinder to each other. I think there are alot of great people out there that do help each other. There are also alot of stressed, crazy, sick people that think only of themselves. There are also people that are dealing with job loss, sick parents, etc.

You sound like you are depressed. Have you thought about getting some counseling? I hope you will one day be excited again about your future. Try to keep a positive attitude and good luck!
 
Old 09-19-2010, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,286,039 times
Reputation: 39844
Geez, you're really going to blame your husbands bad behavior and poor choices on living in the south??? REALLY???

Sorry you are so miserable, but this could have happened to you ANYWHERE.

You need to look inward, and not outward, for the source of your unhappiness, even get a therapist to help you with that if you can't handle it on your own. And when you do I hope you feel a lot better real soon.
 
Old 09-19-2010, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Granite Falls
10 posts, read 12,398 times
Reputation: 15
Yeah I think the point didnt make it on this one. It really blows my mind the north and south band wagon people keep jumping on. For the last time I'm NOT blaming NC for what has happened, I blame the sudden change in our day to day life. A person making a mistake does NOT make their character. If you really believe that, then your far more judgemental then you realize yourself. Everyone of you have nit picked my post apart to find blame. Thats pretty sad in your character. I was simply opening up to not only see if others have had such bad experience in their move down here but also to shed some light on all the judgements on people. Its funny to pick my post apart about my friends and my husband etc.. but nothing said about what happened to my daughter or losing my mother.That was my fault to for being born by a ill mom or picking a bad place to move? I should have known the neighbors and know what kind of neighbors they would of been? Right.. GIVE ME A BREAK. I really think its a shame the mentality these days... Peace out and sorry you just dont get it..
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