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Old 10-21-2010, 08:59 AM
 
10 posts, read 23,953 times
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Hey all, What would you do??

I have lived in NC for 14 long years (I hate it), my heart wants to go home to Ohio. The problem is my husband and I both have good jobs and our children are here.

How do you move away without tremendous guilt not to mention how much I'd miss my kids?

On top of that...how would you even tackle a move out of state at all?? Where do you begin?

HELP!!
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:17 AM
 
2,640 posts, read 6,064,853 times
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Sorry, but if you want to leave NC for Ohio, I'm afraid you're beyond help.


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Old 10-21-2010, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,319,180 times
Reputation: 39846
Quote:
Originally Posted by LMPRESNELL View Post
Hey all, What would you do??

I have lived in NC for 14 long years (I hate it), my heart wants to go home to Ohio. The problem is my husband and I both have good jobs and our children are here.

How do you move away without tremendous guilt not to mention how much I'd miss my kids?

On top of that...how would you even tackle a move out of state at all?? Where do you begin?

HELP!!
How did you "tackle the move out of state" when you came from Ohio to NC 14 years ago??

Life if all about choices and living with the consequences of those choices.

Either chose to leave NC and go back to Ohio and accept the fact you will be further from your kids than you want

OR

choose to stay in NC and make the best of living in a place that doesn't feel like home to you so that you can remain close to your kids.

Personally I believe home is where your husband and kids are, but not everyone will feel that way about living near their kids
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Old 10-21-2010, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 6,122,814 times
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Moving back is just the same as moving here, just different direction. Trust me, I do understand your pull back to Ohio. But, what you might not foresee is that what you've created in your mind about Ohio might not be the reality of what Ohio actually is. In other words, you've put the idea of Ohio on a pedestal in your mind. If you actually make the move back, you're opening yourself up for a huge disappointment when life in Ohio fails to meet the expectations you've set up with in your mind.

That said, you have a choice. Choose to be happy living in NC or choose to leave NC. Being happy where you're at is a choice, it always has been. I will agree that life in NC is very different than life in Ohio, and my husband is starting to fall into the pit of missing life back in OH. When he reminisces about it, he remembers the 'good' parts and usually forgets the 'bad' parts that inspired us to move in the first place. I'm not innocent either as I somewhat romanticize my home state of MI at times, too.

Let me catch you up on OH since I was living there just a little over a year ago. The economy has taken a downward spiral and the unemployment has climbed as the Big 3 tanked in the past few years. There is just as much foreclosure, job loss and everything else with a bad economy in OH as there is in MI. It will take time for the Midwest to recover from all this. On the good side, OH is still a beautiful state with wonderful people. The doom and gloom mentality is still heavy as the state is still reaching for rock bottom before the economy starts to swing back. The major cities are still holding up, but the rural areas are fighting to survive.

My *best* suggestion .. if you both have good jobs and your family is here, dig in your heals and wait it out. Think of OH as a great vacation destination (meaning your tourist dollars will help them out, it is inexpensive, AND you get to go back to visit) and possible retirement home when the time comes - if your husband is on board with this. Then, revisit what to do about there being such a huge distance between family.
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Old 10-21-2010, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,389 posts, read 19,355,629 times
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Just like we tell people "don't move here without a job", it applies going back, as well--don't move ANYWHERE unless you find jobs there first!
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Old 10-21-2010, 02:41 PM
 
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People in NC do not make it easy for people from other states to reside here. They definitely want you to know that...and you never get away from the "yankee" stereotype.
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Old 10-21-2010, 02:54 PM
 
10 posts, read 23,953 times
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quick to jump,

Thanks for understanding! I was still with my ex-husband when we moved, trying to make a horrible marriage better...it didn't work. I was so homesick for friends and family, but there was no way we were moving back. Our marriage got much worse (without going into detail). We divorced and since I didn't want to take my kids out of school I remained swearing I'd go back one day. Here I am 14 years later. I still don't feel comfortable in this state..people here don't want you unless you're already from here. Sometimes I'll be driving along and actually get sick to my stomach thinking I have to be here for the rest of my life.

I desperately miss friends and places that were dear to me not to mention snow...I miss the snow terribly! So with the exception of my children everything I love is there.

As far as going back to visit, I never get enough time to go back...the most is about 2-3 days and that's not enough. It's barely time to visit everyone. My dad who is 80 let's us stay there and I feel bad about visiting friends...not wanting him to think I don't want to spend time with him and my step-mom. I know you probably think it's pathetic, but I really, really miss my home. NC will never be home to me....
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Old 10-21-2010, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,319,180 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LMPRESNELL View Post
quick to jump,

Thanks for understanding! I was still with my ex-husband when we moved, trying to make a horrible marriage better...it didn't work. I was so homesick for friends and family, but there was no way we were moving back. Our marriage got much worse (without going into detail). We divorced and since I didn't want to take my kids out of school I remained swearing I'd go back one day. Here I am 14 years later. I still don't feel comfortable in this state..people here don't want you unless you're already from here. Sometimes I'll be driving along and actually get sick to my stomach thinking I have to be here for the rest of my life.

I desperately miss friends and places that were dear to me not to mention snow...I miss the snow terribly! So with the exception of my children everything I love is there.

As far as going back to visit, I never get enough time to go back...the most is about 2-3 days and that's not enough. It's barely time to visit everyone. My dad who is 80 let's us stay there and I feel bad about visiting friends...not wanting him to think I don't want to spend time with him and my step-mom. I know you probably think it's pathetic, but I really, really miss my home. NC will never be home to me....
It's no fun to live one place when you'd prefer to live elsewhere.

But if that's the price you pay for the decision you made to come here and stay here, then can't you just be glad to be so close to your kids and let it go?
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Old 10-21-2010, 03:24 PM
 
Location: On the brink of WWIII
21,094 posts, read 23,822,000 times
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We have been here close to 2 years, and other than having the kids still in Michigan, we have found it quite enjoyable. If we didn't have to move and leave family behind, we NEVER would have made that choice. Unfortunately for us, the economy made the choice for us.

Then again, there comes a time when you have to do what is best for you and the kids have to accept that as well. What would the kids do if they had or wanted to move?
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Old 10-21-2010, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 6,122,814 times
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"Yankee" vs "Northerner"

There is a difference, and you are the one that makes up your mind about which you are. The "Yankee" trend are the folks that come to the south and want it to be the north. The "Northerner" trend are those of us from the North that come down and respect our new community and embrace the new surroundings. There is a difference, and your attitude gets to dictate which trend you're going to follow. It is a mind over matter issue, I promise. The natives I have met are fully accepting and understanding thus far. The city of Charlotte is more than 50% of transplant population. The North vs The South is a non-existent argument unless you allow it to be an argument.

This may not be so much an issue of how people treat you because of where you're from as it is more how you are treated based on your mindset. If you go through your daily routine with a thick mindset of "I don't like it here" then people will pick up on that. It practically pours out and is written across one's face. People pick up on that and respond accordingly.

Moving back to Ohio is not the fix all on happiness, it is just a place you are familiar with. The fix all comes when you decide to be happy. It is that simple. Just decide that you're no longer not happy -regardless of all the other factors in your life- and you're going to embrace your day as it comes. You have your whole life to move back to Ohio, and you can start taking the necessary steps to plan it whenever you think you're ready. You're only "stuck" somewhere because you allow yourself to be stuck. Again, mind over matter. This might not be "home" but it is where you live at this time in your life .. and what you do with that time is up to you. Are you going to keep living life day by day wishing you were living another life? (Thus, losing the life you currently have?) Or, are you going to embrace what you have, create goals to work towards and enjoy what you have on this Earth?
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