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Both the below poster and the Op are in Fayetteville and have a similar view
Quote:
Originally Posted by jellyphish
I feel truly sorry for this girl. Its not out of line for her to think the two examples she cited : that they actually wanted to be friends with her. As far as showing up at someone's house unannounced , well apparently the woman told her up on parting that she was anxious to see her again, and the OP merely wanted to oblige. Would I do it ? NO ! But maybe she read something different into it. As far as the incident at the restaurant; well the woman had no business smiling at a stranger if she didnt want to engage with them. She should have looked away and minded her own business.
People in NC arent friendly, they are fake, superficial rats who will stab you in the back the first chance they can. they also LAUGH at people. They laugh at you when you walk into their place of business. They laugh when you ask them if they can make change " SUUUURE ha ha ha" . I found myself wondering like when did asking for change become a comic tag line ?
They ask what you ate for lunch and how you liked it. They dont give a damn for your answer.
Here is a post I placed on another NC forum. I think I should create a website to warn others of all the false friendliness, - excuse me - deceptiveness. FRIENDLY means being a friend. It doesnt mean being deceipful and smiling like a retard all the time.
errrrrrr....sorry sweetie, I actually clicked on this post because I feel people from the area are quite fake and surprisingly rude. I've never met so many people that smile in a person's face and talk horribly ugly about them behind their back. I am beginning to feel that "Southern Hospitality" is just a myth; or could be that I live in Johnston county and, well, I suspect many of these people have never left and do not know any other way to act.
I do see where you are coming from in regard to people not being very genuine here. Now, I am not from here, and if we randomly met and you decided to just show up at my house and/or I politely smiled at you in Wendy's and you came over and sat with me, I would be very taken aback by that. It's just not normal. I am not saying this to be mean or hurtful in anyway and I truly hope you do not take it for anymore than what it is; your perception and behavior to people just being polite are really classic symptoms of.....some issues. I'm just sayin.
I do agree that a large number of people here are definitely not very genuine, and the friendships I have made are with people NOT from the area as well. But, honestly, I would not be very nice to you at all if you crossed those boundaries with me over a smile, or a hug and I hope to see you again soon, at Church. Talk to someone, not being a jerk, but by someone, I mean a therapist. Your perception is off. Best of luck to you.
Both the below poster and the Op are in Fayetteville and have a similar view
Quote:
Originally Posted by Giannabobonna;19050412 I feel people from the area are quite fake and surprisingly rude. I've never met so many people that smile in a person's face and talk horribly ugly about them behind their back. I am beginning to feel that "Southern Hospitality" is just a myth;
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Don't forget this poster
If everyone is talking about you behind your back... they're not doing a good job at it. I think you - honestly - should go to a doctor or move. It's REALLY not healthy for you to be THIS upset about something that I feel - personally - is all in your head. And if it is true, I really think you should move for the sake of your health, happiness and such. Please visit a professional. I am not trying to be rude, but you shouldn't be this unhappy.
I don't think Gianna is another personality of the banned OP - read her 2nd and 3rd paragraph. I, too, agree that "southern hospitality" is a myth - whether because of transplants like us or because it never existed at all. And apparently so many people moving here have watched Gone With the Wind or envisioned Mayberry one too many times. But yeah, sitting down to share some fast food with someone because they smiled at you is not normal. That's not a southern thing. It's an anywhere-thing.
Crikey, just last night I smiled at the guy who put the "these are my groceries and those are yours" plastic bar on the conveyor at FoodLion. When I lived in Boston I saw that as a rude, territorial move but with age I have realized it's a kind gesture that allows someone to start unloading the groceries from their cart. And then I thought of this thread, slightly panicked that he might think I wanted to elope and have a bunch of kids with him just because I smiled as I said 'thank you'. And omg, maybe I'm fake because I don't want to breed with a total stranger. Quite a slippery slope!
I do, in all sincerity, hope the OP seeks the professional services of a psychologist as well as the professional services of movers. That must be a terrible way to go through life, seeing every smile as fake and taking great care to never make eye contact with strangers.
On the other hand, if people smiling at you is your biggest problem, consider yourself blessed!
While I stand by the idea that time on a therapist's couch would be wise...
Southern hospitality simply means that people aren't likely to be outwardly impolite, especially to strangers.
It has never meant that everyone likes everyone or everyone is never going to be rude or impolite.
I think that's setting the bar too high. Why should everyone in NC, be they locals or folks who've adopted NC as their home, LIKE everyone? That's ridiculous.
I think that in some other places, people are less likely to smile at strangers. When people who are used to getting smiles and friendly conversation from strangers move here, they may find it confusing if they later get to know the person better, and that person doesn't particularly like them.
I don't see how this makes their socially friendly behavior "fake and superficial" though.
You sound like a twenty-something awkward cousin of mine. He has no understanding of social cues. In summer he will stop by our house for a couple of nights in a row unnannounced and uninvited. We are ten plus years older than he is and trying to do family stuff, like dinner, bathes for the kids, stories, family tv time and such and he just stands there awkwardly. He doesn't get the hint to leave when I say things like "well I am going to go get the kids ready for bed" or other such things. Secretly wanting him to get the hint and leave doesn't mean we dislike him, nor does it make us "fake" and "superficial". It just means we wish he would understand when it is a good time to drop in unannounced (say a saturday afternoon, EARLY), or a bad time (any evening or weekday). And to know what an apporpriate amount of time to stay is. We don't want you to move in and be a part of our family. There is a seperation between friends and family.
Here are a few hints that I give not to be rude but to assist you in reading social cues:
1. If a person wants you to visit their home they will give you their address along with a convient time to visit.
2. If a stranger smiles at you they are being polite, not interested in being your new best friend. They may even make "small talk", which is just a way to make a small human connection while you are out and about running your errands. Its an attempt to create a friendly atmosphere, not an attempt to make friends. I hated living in the city because everyone was so closed off and in their own world. In the city you don't talk to the person bagging your grocieries or slicing your meat. In the country you would help a stranger select a good piece of fruit and then move on. It did not imply that you were going to now become shopping buddies, it was one small momemnt of interaction.
4. Relationships and friendships develop slowly, with gradual increases of closeness. I was friends with people for 4-5 months before I invited them to my home.
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