Has anyone left there spouse/mate behind? (relocate, travel)

[bxdiva]

We are trying to decide whether or not to make the move now but children and I would relocate first and DH would come down for monthly visits but will not move down permanently until approx 2 years. Has anyone tried the long distance 'thing'?

[I'minformed2]

I don't mean to sound harsh; but that sounds like a GREAT way to wreck a marriage. 2 years is a long time. Isn't the whole reason most people move down here is so they have more time with their kids and family?

[Carolina_native]

Originally Posted by i'minformed

I don't mean to sound harsh; but that sounds like a GREAT way to wreck a marriage. 2 years is a long time. Isn't the whole reason most people move down here is so they have more time with their kids and family?

Yeah, I would wait for my family. Pay for two homes? Why not wait for the family? Whats the rush?

[Cassie]

Originally Posted by bxdiva

We are trying to decide whether or not to make the move now but children and I would relocate first and DH would come down for monthly visits but will not move down permanently until approx 2 years. Has anyone tried the long distance 'thing'?

Not for that length of time and not with children. I moved down first, my husband stayed at his job in our previous state a few months longer. His company really wanted him to stay on even longer. He came down on week-ends twice a month but the additional travel time on top of his job didn't make for quality time. He was tired.

He considered staying on there longer and we talked about it but that particular week-end one of our wells (we have two, one for the house and a shallower one for the barn and gardening) sprung a leak which I wouldn't have even noticed. Our air conditioner also quit working. He caught the iced over coils immediately and knew it needed freon. Dang thing would have burned out before I caught that and thought to turn it off. Then we started talking about what winter would be like if I was here by myself and all the additional responsibilities I'd have to handle. Primarily though, we just didn't want to be separated any longer.

I sure wouldn't want our kids to miss so much time with their Dad if we had kids.

There are people who make long distance marriages work to varying degrees. Others end up divorcing. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder.

Best wishes in making your decision.

Cassie

[headed4nc]

Originally Posted by bxdiva

We are trying to decide whether or not to make the move now but children and I would relocate first and DH would come down for monthly visits but will not move down permanently until approx 2 years. Has anyone tried the long distance 'thing'?

Doesn't sound good unless you don't like him.

[bxdiva]

thanks you all for your input....lots to consider.

[JAS]

I tried to ... but she found out where I moved.

Seriously, I moved about 3 months before my spouse did, but that was before we had children. It was very tough.

I would try hard to not do that, if at all possible.

[Samohtal]

It sounds like you've already considered it. If its something you've already floated out there, to me it sounds like trouble already and/or at least a little selfish on your part.

I'm not trying to offend, but sometimes the picture is clearer from someone who is removed from the particulars. You both want to move, but the responsibilities that come with being an adult (selling the house, getting a new job, etc.) and moving will take more time than you wish you had to wait. Like someone said, what's the rush? If NC is the right place for you and your family, it will continue to be in a couple of years or whenever is right for your entire family to come down. Its not right IMHO to make the kids and you gang up on your husband to make him feel like he's the only reason you aren't moving to somewhere you wish you could be RIGHTNOW. Running away from issues by moving to NC won't make problems go away, but they might be forgotten for a small period of time.

Address the underlying issues or deal with your selfishness and keep your entire family together until your entire family can move. If this was a few weeks or a month, maybe, but 2 years is a huge red flag. Diva may be more than just part of your username on this forum - but treat your husband like you would wish to be treated in this instance.

[TornadoAlley]

Originally Posted by i'minformed

I don't mean to sound harsh; but that sounds like a GREAT way to wreck a marriage. 2 years is a long time. Isn't the whole reason most people move down here is so they have more time with their kids and family?

I have to agree. Two years is a long time. To me 4-6 months would be too long. Your call in the end. Regardless of how strong your marriage is, two years is too long. Sorry. Depending on who recommended the two years, I would ask why and check into why

Lets move you to NC for two years and I'll come later. Definition: I need some time to see if things will work out with "Susan" at work. During this time I will have no child support and some benefits on weekends when I come out there. May sound mean, but I am sure its happen before.

[I'minformed2]

Originally Posted by JAS

I tried to ... but she found out where I moved.

Seriously, I moved about 3 months before my spouse did, but that was before we had children. It was very tough.

I would try hard to not do that, if at all possible.

lol.... that was a good one.