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I was at conference over the weekend at Myrtle Beach and I was going thru the snack table and a lady ask me a question and I said No Ma'am and she took offense to it.
She proclaim hey I am not much older than you and I have not even look at her yet.
I do not say yes sir, no ma'am base on age but rather out of politeness no matter how much older or younger you are to me. I told her I am sorry it just my southern ways and left it at that. I am not changing the respectful way I was brought up because someone in insecure with their age.
That ranks right up there with getting smacked for holding the door for a woman. Gotta love that one..... Besides - I hold the door for LOTS of people, some of which happen to be women....Sheesh!
I was at conference over the weekend at Myrtle Beach and I was going thru the snack table and a lady ask me a question and I said No Ma'am and she took offense to it.
She proclaim hey I am not much older than you and I have not even look at her yet.
I do not say yes sir, no ma'am base on age but rather out of politeness no matter how much older or younger you are to me. I told her I am sorry it just my southern ways and left it at that. I am not changing the respectful way I was brought up because someone in insecure with their age.
Sunny... You didn't follow up with, " Bless your heart? "
I use "sir" and "ma'am" all the time to anyone of any race, any position, any occupation and just about any age. It's a habit, but a sincere one. I also say "please" and "thank you" all the time. In my opinion, it's rude not to say these things.
I couldn't agree more. I was raised to say please, thank you, yes ma'am, no sir, etc., and my self-esteem somehow remained intact. IMO, being able to gracefully defer to other people and accommodate them, rather than bullheadedly insisting that your own preferences always come first, is a mark of maturity as well as good manners. If you're still locked in that stage of life where you feel like you have to constantly question the status quo and assert your individuality in every little transaction, you're still an adolescent.
Having a job where I work with the public and come into contact with a lot of teenagers, I actually like being called "ma'am" by one of the kids, because I know it means I have their respect (outwardly, at least). And for anyone who's morbidly thin-skinned about their age (and I say this as someone who's teetering on the edge of middle age herself), daily life is going to be a series of small mortifications and reminders whether or not people "ma'am" or "sir" them. Our souls are immortal; our bodies aren't.
People older than me say "Yes Ma'am" to me all the time. It's been happening since I was in my 20's. I don't really care, its silly to be offended by it.
What DOES bother me is when complete strangers (usually Southern accented women) say hun, honey, baby, etc to me! I don't know you! This fake sweetness is quite annoying!
Southern girl here, born and bred in the Carolinas. However, my mom is from Texas. She was very strict about saying sir and ma'am to our elders when my sis and I were growing up.
Fast forward to me at age 20. A retail sales clerk, very close to my age, said thanks and have a nice day ma'am after ringing up my purchase.
I was horrified !!! Remember now that I was taught to use that word as a sign of respect to my elders. All I could think was that I sure must look old. My tail feathers were dragging the ground for a few days after that.
How silly Of course I didn't look old at 20! I started to be amused by my own silliness and started saying ma'am to people of all ages just for amusement. Now 20 something years later, the young ones look surprised and this makes me giggle.
If only I could get carded when I buy liquor, now that would be a real sign of respect
While I don't think it necessarily sounds subsurvient, I do think there are occasions when the person being addressed is not worthy of the ma'am or sir, and I did direct my own child to respond, respectfully, but that the ma'am or sir was up to her discretion.
Funny that a person might object to being responded to with ma'am or sir -- do they object to other good manners, as in saying "please" and "thank you" too?
I was born and raised in the south and started wondering, at an early age, why people in the south used those phrases. I know that blacks in the south use it because they were forced to do so during slavery. Many of them contintue to say it because they were taught that it showed respect. I am not certain how it originated but saying a simple yes or no does not show disrepect in my opinion. I am sure that others will have different opinions but that is because of their exposure. If certain things never affected you then your opinion of those things will be different.
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Our souls are immortal; our bodies aren't. 
I just love this thread!
!!! Remember now that I was taught to use that word as a sign of respect to my elders. All I could think was that I sure must look old. My tail feathers were dragging the ground for a few days after that.
