Considering relocating to NC (Charlotte, Winston-Salem: credit check, new home, unemployment)

[Steve W]

Angelaf, That's strange, as I've found the folks in Minnesota to be quite nice. Maybe I'm comparing them to New Englanders :-) and that's my problem...

[LookinToMove]

Thank you SOOO much for this link! This is the most helpful tool I've come across yet!!!

[pixieshmoo]

I have a funny story....my husband and I took our children to Disney in November. It was the first time for all of us and we drove. It was a fun trip and a fantastic experience. We went the week of teacher convention here, so our kids really only missed a couple of days instead of a full week. Anyway, everyone we met was nice (straight down the east coast that is). When we got to Florida, I don't think we met any actual Florida natives. Almost everyone we spoke to that lived there was a retiree from NJ or someone younger who needed a change and moved there. To top it off, it turns out that everyone else in NJ must've had the same idea as us, no matter where we were, stores, shows, rides, we met people from NJ (and ONE family from Indiana). From our own town up north straight down to Toms River, etc. Disney was filled with Jerseyans. Everyone was wonderful. Afterward, my husband and I were talking about our trip and he made a great and funny point. While we were in Florida, everyone we met from Jersey bonded. We met, talked, laughed and so on but while in NJ, we're rude, nasty and pushy to each other. It took a large group of one state to visit another state to learn to be nice to each other. Make any sense?

[Ellie Mae]

Maybe everyone is friendly because they don't feel threatened. Some places have a criminal element that if you make eye contact, it makes you a target. Maybe NY city is too diverse and no one can relate to anyone outside their own ethnic background and others don't want to assimiliate. I went into NY city with a native NYer one time and those were his instructions, not to make eye contact. There are so many people there, you can't possibly clue in to someone in the crowd has targeted you to snatch your purse or grab your kid. It's everyone for himself there. When people moving from this environment, out to the 'burbs, where I was, they bring their attitude with them, and are rude and arrogant on top of it. They came out to the (former dairy) town I was in because of cheaper taxes and housing, and proceeded to insist on all the amenities they had where they came from and turned the place into where they left. The country people in town have left or are planning their escape. I certainly hope this doesn't happen in NC.

Then I went to a sale in Tennessee and proceeded to be friendly, like the natives, but 2 words out of my mouth and a couple would call me a yankee, but I didn't take offense and remained polite and found that attitude quickly dropped. I went to NC to another event and riding around the town, the fella in front of me would be doing the "hellos" and I would smile and nod so as not to give away my yankee accent. I said hi and hello more times in 3 days than I did in ten years up north!

[Ms.Charlotte]

True pixieshmoo! I've experience the same. Well, for one we do have a strong bond and distinct culture just as they do in the South. I'd like to say we are all probably better people in a vacation environment-no stresses, traffic, etc.

I'd also like to think that Northerners would behave differently in another setting-but obviously not true according to the insights of our Southern neighbors! I do think the group of us on this forum ARE different. I know you've decided to stay put-for the rest of us, it will be an uphill battle to fight the stereotype! I'm up for the challenge. Trying to be more aware of my accent as well, Ellie Mae.

[regarese]

We're nice out of NJ, because we are on vacation out of NJ. heehee. I went on a cruise once and the woman who was giving me my pedicure on the ship asked where I was from (she was from Australia). I said NJ and she said that the people on the ship who are from NJ are ALWAYS the nicest people. I told her, "That's because we're just so glad to be out of the state for a few days that we could care less about anything else."

Seriously though, like others have said, the people are a major "pro" on our list of "Reasons to go". Manners are so not valued anymore where we are at. I'm a 30 year old mother of a 6 month old, and I can't believe how rude children are allowed to be. Somebody else mentioned that manners are a core value in NC. Well they were in my house growing up as well, and I want my daughter to grow up in a community that has that value also. If I didn't say please or thank you when I was little, or return a "hello", my gosh my mother would flip out. I think she was southern at heart-heehee. It's just not taught anymore and it is such a shame.

[pixieshmoo]

I'm a 30 year old mother of a 6 month old, and I can't believe how rude children are allowed to be. Somebody else mentioned that manners are a core value in NC. Well they were in my house growing up as well, and I want my daughter to grow up in a community that has that value also. If I didn't say please or thank you when I was little, or return a "hello", my gosh my mother would flip out. [/quote]


I think raising children is stressful anywhere, but yes, doing it here is a major challenge. I was born and raised here but I grew up with manners and politeness. If I ever talked back to my parents, I got my butt beat! Of course nowadays, if you swat your kid on the behind, someone has something to say about it. Well, I'm kind of old school...no, you shouldn't beat your children, but who says they don't deserve a swat once in awhile when they're acting up. A spanking isn't a beating. Anyway, I bet if more parents weren't afraid of their children or weren't afraid to discipline their children, more children would listen. The problem nowadays is that too many people interfere where their noses don't belong, kids pick up on this and then act toward their parents as if "go ahead, spank me or punish me, I'll call DYFS". My dad was a cop and I didn't know what DYFS was, I either listened or I got spanked and sent to my room. Now, I'm not talking about every move I made all day long, but I wasn't allowed to answer back, give my parents an attitude without facing the consequence of getting it on the rearend. If I didn't clean up toys or wouldn't share with my friends, then it was a lecture and punishment. Regardless, parents don't even do that anymore. I am a mother to a 10 year old, 2 year old and one on the way. I thought being young (22) when I had my oldest, I would be more in tune to what they need or want....B*llsh*t...She is soo snotty sometimes that I'd like to actually remove her lips from her mouth. Let's see, we have eye rolling, huffing and puffing, hands on hips and the ever so popular "IIIII Knooowww" or "OOOOKAAAAAY". She knows everything, we're the idiots. I spend a lot of time with my kids, I work at home, so I'm with my little one, I pick the older one up after school, I help with homework, we play boardgames, go for walks to the park, listen to music and dance in the livingroom, play cards or hand games, she has friends over...you name it. We teach them manners and how to respect their mom, dad, family and elders. But no matter what we do, we're still the idiots. I'm tired of talking or yelling or punishing. And I realized something, it's not just me or my kid. I hear how her friends talk to their parents (mostly their mothers of course) and I want to beat those kids too. They eye-roll and huff and say all the typical whiny sayings these girls have. They get it from each other, their friends' older siblings, the television for sure (look at the way the girls act on these tv shows, they're all b*tchy with these snotty, slutty little attitudes)

I think they have too much...too many electronics: Ipods, gameboys, Nintendo DS, playstation, etc. I don't even know what some of them are!!! I try not to let my kids have that much electronic stuff (she has a DS she got from my mother-in-law for Christmas and a portable CD player for when we travel far), but even one or two things I don't really like. I think staring at all those little microchips gets to them. Not to mention, many parents around here, use those as "babysitters", it ensures that they don't have to spend time parenting or even enjoying their kids. What happened to going outdoors, or playing games on rainy days or even talking at the dinner table???!!!

My mother used to call the TV a "bube tube" because we'd turn into bubes from watching it too much. I think I had like two channels to pick from on saturday mornings and if I was lucky either friday night or after school (if my grandmother was over watching me because I could con her into letting me watch it). My parents worked but we still did so much together. When it was a nice day out, I was forbidden to stay in the house, I had to be in the fresh air. When it rained we made up our own games and when it snowed, you played outside, came in for hot cocoa and hung out together. Nope, not anymore....video games galore. I don't know about the south or anywhere else, but that's what it has turned into up here...everyone's in competition to get the newest and latest thing or have the most and somewhere in there they lose the values they should be passing on to their kids.

That’s just one of the many reasons I have for wanting to relocate!

So Regarese, you're a new mom, take some advice, no matter where you live, don't let that happen.

[Ms.Charlotte]

Congratulations on the baby, Regarese! I also have a six month old, Oct. 17.

And Congrats to you, also Pixieshmoo, on the upcoming birth. I know this is for another forum, but I have 3 children myself-excited for you!! When's the due date?

I agree for the most part on discipline. Although I don't spank my kids, they are not permitted to have smart mouths around here. Of course, the girls are only 4 and 6-talk to me when they're 13!

I agree on the junk they are exposed to. Dolls with BLING? Have you seen these things? Half naked dolls with belly rings and the like. And these are the dolls our 5-10 year old girls are supposed to be playing with.

[regarese]

Thanks jerseymom and pixie-I have no intention of letting my daughter do any of that.
My little sister (15 yrs younger) told my dad that she was going to call dyfs on him. He said, "Go ahead. They'll come and take you away and you'll go somewhere where you have to share a room with a bunch of other girls, you won't have your own tv, stereo or phone. You won't get to go to the mall when you want, and your mother won't be there to take you wherever you want to go. So knock yourself out and call!" She changed her mind. LOL.

I have no intention of beating my child. But the value system that I have is so against what the norm has become in my area, that I'm afraid that despite my best efforts to raise a respectful, polite young lady, outside influences are going to make my job harder. I'm not so naive to believe that there are no children in the south who sass back or feel their oats a little. I just want Sabrina to be somewhere where she is not the only kid in her class who would not dare use the F word in front of her parents.

[pixieshmoo]

Thank you and congrats all around!! I'm due toward the end of December.

Okay, I don't even know what a BLING! is...did we ever use that word? That's all you hear on TV and radio, bling this and bling that....aaaggghhhh!!!! Thank God my daughter doesn't say that because if that word ever comes out of her mouth, the lips are definitely being removed Remember Barbie dolls, I think I had them all...now there's Bratz and Flavas....I know we all weren't beautiful and fancy like barbies but do we all have dreadlocks and huge lips now?

All I know is that kids today (especially girls) are not growing up the way we did and some of it is beyond our control (thanks to media) but not all. I think no matter where we live, our goal and responsibility is to keep these children informed and educated, give them the respect of listening to what they think and feel (lots of kids don't get the proper attention at home and rebel) but still try to keep them innocent for whatever is appropriate to their age group. I know it's hard, but it can't be impossible...I hope.