To all those seeking to live in NC, what exactly is it that you are after? (Raleigh: school, moving to)

[Miker2069]

Originally Posted by luckydog

I came to this board feeling like her. But, please don't start bashing me, because you can check back...I haven't made a post like that ever. And I've read a huge amount of posts, over the weeks, like fastfilm's & sue's, & I now have a newfound empathy & understanding of "why" you're coming. I've learned a lot. But, at the same time, in my heart, I can't say I embrace it.

I don't know if you can understand at all....if you can understand it without being offended or feeling terribly unwelcomed. Please know, I'm not trying to offend, attack, incite or discourage anyone.

It is your right to make your own choices and it's a free country and I respect that. And I understand those "whys" you give...they are perfectly understandable. But, dang, I don't have to like it. But, I do realize from my time here, that I will have to acclimate to it. And I'm trying. I've stuck around & tried to give help & info & learn myself. I've tried to be good natured & take the most positive disposition I can. Natives feel invaded & concerned about what the future holds for NC. They do feel resentful. It's true. Most natives haven't had the benefit of having read posts on forums like this & don't know the flip side to why the invasion is happening....it's just happening & they are looking around and going...holy smokes! this is the pits...what's happening...stop, I don't like this...it riles them...they feel like you just up & decided to flock here, having no idea of what's driven you here & why. I hope you can understand that. And in reading the posts, I see some of you are concerned too. Some of you posting you hope that you'll find an undiscovered spot, or that you hope the droves don't follow you, & change what you've found, to what you left.

So, Sue, you will have some neighbors like that...lots & lots of them. And I'll have lots & lots that I won't care for a bit either. But, I hope you'll have some like me. And I'll have some like you. Fair enough? or should I duck?

Lucky you said it very well and your honesty and sincerity is refreshing. I can imagine, observing all these people talk about your state may seem like an invasion. I posted this elsewhere but I'll reiterate it here, my feelings is that most of the people moving to NC are the people that will *respect* the current culture- that's what is attracting us (or at least one of the attributes) in the first place. I've met northerners who've moved down that have assimilated well- couldn't tell the difference other than the accent. So it seems many of the people moving down are of relatively the same kindred spirit. I'm seeing many families, retirees moving down, people who want to slow down and not speed things up.

Anyway I do respect your feelings, and I personally will work hard to be a positive member of the community I finally land in.

[Sueb]

Luckydog, I would like you for my neighbor! I can appreciate you not wanting so many moving to NC. I live in a very small, quaint town about 30 miles south of Buffalo,NY and it is starting to grow. We have lived in Florida and Kentucky also. We are retiring and trying to get away from the high taxes and all the snow. My son and his family moved to NC last year and we visited and fell in love with the area. We will be settling in Boonville, because we don't have to be close to a big city for work. I just hope my new neighbors are as understanding as you! Buffalo is the city of good neighbors and anyone that comes here says people are very welcoming and friendly. We just want to make life a little easier for ourselves, being on a fixed income and not wanting to shovel snow anymore! I appreciate anyone who has time to give information on the area. Thanks

[luckydog]

miker...
Thank you. I do hope you find a happy home for your family here!

I have, & have had, many lovely neighbors from the north & as I said before I don't see you all as the same. I agree with you.

You mentioned yankee retirees being more likely to assimilate.

Incidentally, for me personally, the yankee retirees were the absolute worst...we had our fill of them in Wilmington, NC. They encompassed the majority of people we met, in the almost two years spent there...Cary is truly a yankee held town, but Wilmington is a retirement mecca for them.

I've personally never been treated so badly in my life, nor ever witnessed such horrid, rude, arrogent, condescending behavior & attitudes. I worked for one while we were there...he relocated from Rochester, NY--I'd say he was actually more semi-retired. He had a ton of friends that relocated with him...lots of retirees from Kodak, etc. A huge crowd. I swear I truly believe we were invited to all their social gatherings, merely for their entertainment purposes. And they were all the same...never met a single one of the dozens & dozens that weren't worthless, uncouth people to me. They were horrid people. And I coupled that with this man's business practices, that were unbelievable & horrid too. They thought he was great. They celebrated his practices openly with him. I couldn't believe the preconceptions they had of me & all the other natives. Despite the fact my husband & I were college educated, at the top of our fields, intelligent & came from prominent, respected, white families in eastern NC, we could never seem to get through his thick skull that we weren't married 1st cousins, trailer trash, one strap of the bib overall wearing, barefoot neanderthals that duked it out in the front yard, full of chickens...we both had accents, & were natives, you see, & he just couldn't see past that, in any way. None of them seemed to have any desire to. And they didn't have to. They were the majority there. I was never so glad to leave a place, as when we moved away from there. And for the record, I never had so many up close, extreme, negative experiences like that in Raleigh, in my couple of years there.

I will say this though...it was a life-altering experience for me.

Before I became a SAHM, I worked. But, I was female, & being in that minority group came with challenges in the business world, coupled with being a cute little, white, petite, freckle faced, southern girl. It just meant I had to put forth a little more effort, to earn respect & be successful. And though it wasn't without it's hurdles, I was always able to accomplish that.

But, that stint in wilmington...changed me.

Never in my entire life, had I experienced being treated like that. I was up against a brick wall. To be discriminated against openly & blatently, right to my face, with mean spirited, misconceived stereotypes, just because I belonged to a group of people...that I couldn't change my membership from, any more than a minority person couldn't change the color of their skin...and I could never seem to be seen as an individual to them, only a member of that group, no matter who I was, what I did, etc....they didn't care...and to have it done to you by a whole group of people, that think they are better, smarter & more powerful than you, just because they belong to their group. For the first time, in my privileged little life, I realized what it was like to be treated like a second class citizen, like the gum on the bottom of someone's shoe, for no other reason, other than... I was southern.

The change, it made in me, was for the good. I'm grateful.

It gave me an entirely new perspective. I'm not implying I was ever a racist before, because I absolutely wasn't...but having experienced that in wilmington, just made me so much more empathetic to minorities..it gave me a new understanding....it made me a better person, with a broader mind. I was a white woman, who grew up in the majority, and I had had financial, educational & social priveleges. It educated me in a way I would have never comprehended, until it happened to me. I'll never forget it & it imprinted me, for life.

I hope it goes without saying, that I don't think it would be fair to group all northern retirees together & stereotype them as all being like that...given my story, you surely get that I wouldn't, & I don't. But, I thought I'd share my experiences with "some" of them. Give you some native insight.

[luckydog]

okay, my post was for miker, but I see a lot of you have responded so kindly...I truly didn't want to upset anyone & I'm glad that I didn't. thank you all & I do hope you all find a happy home here!

[luckydog]

you know I was just thinking that my wilmington retiree experience must be just how the cali folks feel...guess I can empathsize with you, more than I realized, until I was just recalling that period of my life.

[Miker2069]

Originally Posted by luckydog

okay, my post was for miker, but I see a lot of you have responded so kindly...I truly didn't want to upset anyone & I'm glad that I didn't. thank you all & I do hope you all find a happy home here!

Lucky-at this moment, all I can say is WOW! I need to digest what you wrote, clearly it's something you've carried for a long time, and, we (well at least I) needed to "hear" it. What makes it so powerful is that you're able to extract "the good" out of it- and you seem to have grown from it.

After I really think about it, and I'll write a more proper response, just wanted to say that it came across loud and clear- soon as my wife gets home, I'll show her so she can read it too.

Very very powerful!

Mike

[ff107]

Originally Posted by i'minformed

I'm just curious. I see so many people on this forum and well, on my street, that come to NC in droves and just think this area is so great. I hear many different things, weather, economy, qualiy of life. But I was just wondering if some of you could be more specific? What about the weather, what about the quality of life. What is it exactly that you feel you will have so much better here than wherever you live now?

Mike,I have lived in upstate new york all my life, I cannot tolerate the cold winters, and the heavy new york state taxes which eat up approximately 60 percent of my income.

[NC little foot]

Originally Posted by luckydog

miker...
Thank you. I do hope you find a happy home for your family here!

I have, & have had, many lovely neighbors from the north & as I said before I don't see you all as the same. I agree with you.

You mentioned yankee retirees being more likely to assimilate.

Incidentally, for me personally, the yankee retirees were the absolute worst...we had our fill of them in Wilmington, NC. They encompassed the majority of people we met, in the almost two years spent there...Cary is truly a yankee held town, but Wilmington is a retirement mecca for them.

I've personally never been treated so badly in my life, nor ever witnessed such horrid, rude, arrogent, condescending behavior & attitudes. I worked for one while we were there...he relocated from Rochester, NY--I'd say he was actually more semi-retired. He had a ton of friends that relocated with him...lots of retirees from Kodak, etc. A huge crowd. I swear I truly believe we were invited to all their social gatherings, merely for their entertainment purposes. And they were all the same...never met a single one of the dozens & dozens that weren't worthless, uncouth people to me. They were horrid people. And I coupled that with this man's business practices, that were unbelievable & horrid too. They thought he was great. They celebrated his practices openly with him. I couldn't believe the preconceptions they had of me & all the other natives. Despite the fact my husband & I were college educated, at the top of our fields, intelligent & came from prominent, respected, white families in eastern NC, we could never seem to get through his thick skull that we weren't married 1st cousins, trailer trash, one strap of the bib overall wearing, barefoot neanderthals that duked it out in the front yard, full of chickens...we both had accents, & were natives, you see, & he just couldn't see past that, in any way. None of them seemed to have any desire to. And they didn't have to. They were the majority there. I was never so glad to leave a place, as when we moved away from there. And for the record, I never had so many up close, extreme, negative experiences like that in Raleigh, in my couple of years there.

I will say this though...it was a life-altering experience for me.

Before I became a SAHM, I worked. But, I was female, & being in that minority group came with challenges in the business world, coupled with being a cute little, white, petite, freckle faced, southern girl. It just meant I had to put forth a little more effort, to earn respect & be successful. And though it wasn't without it's hurdles, I was always able to accomplish that.

But, that stint in wilmington...changed me.

Never in my entire life, had I experienced being treated like that. I was up against a brick wall. To be discriminated against openly & blatently, right to my face, with mean spirited, misconceived stereotypes, just because I belonged to a group of people...that I couldn't change my membership from, any more than a minority person couldn't change the color of their skin...and I could never seem to be seen as an individual to them, only a member of that group, no matter who I was, what I did, etc....they didn't care...and to have it done to you by a whole group of people, that think they are better, smarter & more powerful than you, just because they belong to their group. For the first time, in my privileged little life, I realized what it was like to be treated like a second class citizen, like the gum on the bottom of someone's shoe, for no other reason, other than... I was southern.

The change, it made in me, was for the good. I'm grateful.

It gave me an entirely new perspective. I'm not implying I was ever a racist before, because I absolutely wasn't...but having experienced that in wilmington, just made me so much more empathetic to minorities..it gave me a new understanding....it made me a better person, with a broader mind. I was a white woman, who grew up in the majority, and I had had financial, educational & social priveleges. It educated me in a way I would have never comprehended, until it happened to me. I'll never forget it & it imprinted me, for life.

I hope it goes without saying, that I don't think it would be fair to group all northern retirees together & stereotype them as all being like that...given my story, you surely get that I wouldn't, & I don't. But, I thought I'd share my experiences with "some" of them. Give you some native insight.

Now that's a book. Nobody likes being attacked Lucky Dog, especially if you do not know somebody.. Maybe WE can all learn from your horrible experiences. There are rude,selfish people all over the world. And not all us "yankees" spew hate... Different cultures, that's all...

[NYer]

Originally Posted by luckydog

But, I still have to don't like it. This mass exodus to NC is making me, as a native, realize that I have to try to acclimate to all of you, just as you do to us. It's the right thing to do. And I'm trying. But, in my heart, the truth is I don't like it. The descriptions of what you are leaving are horrifying to me. So, again, I empathsize you want to leave it. And I pray that you'll try to preserve the NC you find & not tranform it. So many here seem to be trying hard to learn, to acclimate. I appreciate that. And I'm trying to help you to. I guess I feel like it will be mutually beneficial, because I concede that like it or not, y'all are moving in' in droves, and to bury my head in the sand or pout in the corner or yell that I'm mad won't do a thing to help.

As I wrote elsewheere, that is how I feel about what happened to my area... I feel invaded. I truly do my best to get along with newcomers but I resent seeing signs in foreign languages & the way our culture has changed. My culture was overwhelmed, pushed to the edges. It is common knowledge that "Everyone" is moving to NC. When we say everyone we mean "everyone like us" who wants to live like we do.
Having gone through what we have gone through here I understand and respect your honesty & implore yu to promote what makes you unique. If you bend too far you will break... take it from one who knows.

[Sueb]

Luckydog,
I hope you don't think all us retirees from NY are like that! I have also run into these people here. I worked for a woman who belonged to the country club and thought she was better than everyone else. Always knew better than you! I put her in her place a couple of times, lol! I up and quit, couldn't take it anymore. My husband and I worked hard for a living. Nothing was given to us. We are leaving 2 grown children and 4 grandchildren behind, when we make our move the end of the month, but we feel it's something that we have to do because of our fixed income and we have been looking forward to not going through another harsh winter. We will do our best to fit in and make southern friends. We are not old foggies. My husband rides a motorcycle and we are the proud owners of a 1966 Plymouth Sport Fury. Anyone know of any car shows or cruises in the area?