SOS! Any help to persuade a teenager to move? (Charlotte: transplants, house) - Page 2 - City-Data Forum

lovesMountains · 03-08-2007, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IMPERIALBROWNS

There is no new job. We just wanted to get out of New York. My husband is retired and I know I will have no problem getting a job in the Charlotte area. Financially life would be easier however we can still make it here for a few more years. By then my son will probably be home from college and then he'll give us a hard time about moving. He's not too happy about us moving now even though he's away during the school year. He's pretty much involved with helping out in JROTC at the high school he graduated from.

The part that bothers me is that we really like her friends. They are good kids and definitely on the right track. My daughter does not take much interest in sports or any instrument but gets involved in some after school activities such as art club and graphic illustration. (with friends). These are friends she has grown up with in a small girl scout group in which she still attends. She has advised will not get involved in girl scouts down south.

Thanks Sampy123 and VBmom for your advice.

Just read this post after I had already sent my last. From your description of your daughters friends, I think you know what you should do.

I am sorry moving in 2 years will upset your GROWN son, but he will be a man and have his own life. If you have to sacrifice one of your kids happiness in order to move - don't choose your daughter.

lovesMountains · 03-08-2007, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IMPERIALBROWNS

Thanks for your insight. Actually, this is what I was afraid of. I guess I needed to hear it from someone else. I don't want things to turn around. I am aware that in a new environment it can go either way. At this point most teenagers are settled in their groups. I don't know which way she will go if she is desperate to have friends. As much as I would like her to be independent teens are not yet ready to make this kind of move. They are vulnerable and need good friends for support in a high school environment.

Thanks again.

Hey, I KNOW this is tough. I'll certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers while you are agonizing over it all.

Sampy123 · 03-08-2007, 12:35 PM

It was an agonizing decision for us as well. As much as we wanted to go NOW, my son's needs come first. For personal reasons, we have to do what's best for him right now. We will eventually go, just not as soon as I'd like. Sounds like you already know the right thing to do. Sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear. Best of luck to you.

IMPERIALBROWNS · 03-08-2007, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Just read this post after I had already sent my last. From your description of your daughters friends, I think you know what you should do.

I am sorry moving in 2 years will upset your GROWN son, but he will be a man and have his own life. If you have to sacrifice one of your kids happiness in order to move - don't choose your daughter.

You're right. I do know what I have to do. Yes he will have his own life. I guess it's hard to let go. Thank you again.

IMPERIALBROWNS · 03-08-2007, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sampy123

It was an agonizing decision for us as well. As much as we wanted to go NOW, my son's needs come first. For personal reasons, we have to do what's best for him right now. We will eventually go, just not as soon as I'd like. Sounds like you already know the right thing to do. Sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear. Best of luck to you.

I guess I'm not the only one. Thanks!!

IMPERIALBROWNS · 03-08-2007, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IMPERIALBROWNS

I guess I'm not the only one. Thanks!!

Good luck to you also.

Wisteria · 03-08-2007, 12:40 PM

http://www.worldwide.edu/travel_planner/pen_pals.html

I don't know if this is the site my just turned 17-year-old daughter uses, (she's not here with me right now to ask), but she has been corresponding with kids from all over -- she's especially interested in other countries, but they have them here in the U.S., too. She has made some nice internet friends this way, especially in Korea. Your daughter may find some kids in the same area that you want to relocate to.

My daughter agonized about leaving high school, although we weren't moving even, but she was already thinking about missing her friends. Then....she decided to do a study abroad program (all expenses paid through scholarships), and went abroad for 6 months -- what a difference! She now realizes that there is a whole new world out there for her and suddenly her high school is no longer the be all and end all.

It's a tough decision, and I don't envy you. You're right about kids being resilient, and also that there are chances to fall in with the wrong crowd. However, if you do know people where you will be moving to, or have been there to talk to the principal of the school, or tour the school while the school is in session, that might help. Also, is there a university nearby that she may want to attend that could be compelling enough to want her to get state residency for?

However, working with juveniles, I can tell you that if you have given her a strong value-based upbringing, that she is aware of rewards and consequences, and she realizes that "good choices give you a good life, and bad choices give you a bad life," she may be just fine. These are teenagers.
They flip back and forth constantly.

Hang in there and I hope you can make a decision that helps your entire family. Good luck!!

just_sayin' · 03-08-2007, 01:30 PM

My suggestion would also be to not move....we recently pushed our move back another year (the opposite move of yours however....from NC back to NY) so that my oldest son could graduate high school here. He was actually willing to move back to NY for his senior year, but my wife and I could tell he would prefer to stay here with is friends until he graduates. He's applied to schools both in NC and in NY to have the option of being near his friends or near us in college...heard back from several here now but none in NY yet. We will probably be moving back to Upstate NY this summer. My daughter will be sophomore next year so she will still be in the "underlcassmen" group and have an easier time adjusting than a junior or senior would.

mm_mary73 · 03-08-2007, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IMPERIALBROWNS

There is no new job. We just wanted to get out of New York. My husband is retired and I know I will have no problem getting a job in the Charlotte area. Financially life would be easier however we can still make it here for a few more years. By then my son will probably be home from college and then he'll give us a hard time about moving. He's not too happy about us moving now even though he's away during the school year. He's pretty much involved with helping out in JROTC at the high school he graduated from.

The part that bothers me is that we really like her friends. They are good kids and definitely on the right track. My daughter does not take much interest in sports or any instrument but gets involved in some after school activities such as art club and graphic illustration. (with friends). These are friends she has grown up with in a small girl scout group in which she still attends. She has advised will not get involved in girl scouts down south.

Thanks Sampy123 and VBmom for your advice.

I didn't want to assume before I gave my 2 cents. You don't know that you wouldn't have problems obtaining a position here, unless you've been approached with a firm offer of employment. Loves said what I had planned to and very nicely. If your relocation was a life-or-death decision, that's one thing, but being "sick of NY" - sorry, in my own opinion, that's not a good enough reason to uproot/upset a perfectly happy (your words) not-acting-out, "good kids" for friends, on the right track teenager. She has advised will not get involved in girl scouts down south. - do not kid yourself - she will make your life miserable! Thank heavens, my children are grown!

Annabelle · 03-08-2007, 03:46 PM

As a parent of two teenagers, 19 and 16, and an educational counselor, I can speak from experience. The move is a gamble. You could move and your daughter would go kicking and screaming and then she could meet a great girlfriend to hang with the first week at the new school and have a cute boy who pays a lot of attention to her. Then Voila!... The move from her point of view ends up not being such a bad thing at all OR it could be very difficult for her to be willing to attempt to make friends and she could choose to make you miserable at her own expense to make you pay for making her miserable. She's a teenager after all and this is her job.

My oldest child has a friend who moved to another state 3 years ago when she was a junior in high school and they are still friends and see each other once or twice a year. With the internet and using various technologies, they've stayed extremely close although they are physically apart most of the time. That's certainly something working in your favor. When you move, you really can keep in touch with your friends.

While I would love to pack up and move one hour from now to get away from where I live in the northeast, I decided to let my youngest finish high school with his friends. That is just what my husband and I decided and not what is right for everyone. Every kid and every situation is different. If my parents told me when I was a junior in high school that we were moving out of state, oh the pain that would have endured.

In the end, the parent must make the decision...not the kid. With this move, make a list of things that will improve her life as well as yours. Have ammunition ready in case you need it!
Good luck!